


You're King of the Castle

by PepperRiley



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: 1988, Billy Hargrove x FOC (Platonic), Birthday Steve Harrington, Bisexual Billy Hargrove, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Steve Harrington-Centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-05-08 03:14:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 49,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14685276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperRiley/pseuds/PepperRiley
Summary: Autumn Owens hates Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington isn't too fond of her either. But maybe they'll wear each other down.





	1. Aren't You a Peach

**Author's Note:**

> Hey readers, I'm still going to be updating Halloween in Hawkins 1987 while working on this one. They're different moods and I wanted to spice things up. Thanks for reading!

           Hawkins, Indiana was a town that had seen its fair share of horrors and traumas in recent years, but by August 1988 things had slowed to the crawl it was once accustomed. Sweltering days stretched into sticky nights as kids laughed and hollered in the streets, playing tag and dodging their curfews. Teens got drunk in alleyways and appreciated every moment of freedom between now and the fast approaching school year. And young adults watched the season pass, realizing summer no longer held the same appeal after graduation. At least, that’s how Autumn Owens felt.

            It had been three years since she graduated from Hawkins High and moved away to “find herself” or some misguided shit. She realized pretty quickly how much easier living her best life would have been if she had had any money. So once her savings had dried up, in under a year no less, she found herself back in her hometown wishing to be anywhere else. But she used the fleeting taste of freedom to continue to fuel her burning desire for bigger and better. She kept her dreams in her pocket and her wings spread, looking for adventure and purpose at every turn. This could be a challenge considering the stifling nature of one’s hometown, which, when coupled with the town being unbearably small, was a hard pill to swallow. So in the meantime, she took comfort in the little things. Like her job.

            Autumn loved her job. She was clerk at Victor’s Video and she was good at it. Maybe it seemed easy to rewind tapes and stock shelves, but it was more than that. She knew what people wanted and she loved the tapes like they were her friends. They were, really. She knew them intimately and loved to gush about them to anyone who would listen. While she couldn’t live the life she’d always imagined, she could live hundreds of lives countless times over through the help of the characters and stories she loved so dearly. The video store was her escape, her comfort, and her kingdom.

            While Autumn filed orders behind the counter, a boy she had always resented in high school wandered in. It was Steve Harrington.

            The two barely knew each other then and they knew each other even less now. She had hated rich kids. And seeing him reminded her of their vastly different high school experiences. His family had a pool. Hers had an unfinished basement. He drove a BMW. She rode a bike. People cheered his name at basketball games. She smoked under the bleachers at pep rallies. They’d spoken a handful of times at best through their entire high school career.

            Things hadn’t changed. But now she didn’t have to hear people talking about him like he was the second coming.

            He flashed her a friendly smile before turning to peruse the shelves near the counter. She let her eyes roam over his back; his shoulders were broader than when he was eighteen. His ass filled out his jeans better, too. Not that it mattered; he was so very far from her type. Namely, she still hated rich kids.

            He moved to the other side of the rack and peeked up at her while she busied herself with her paperwork. He recognized her, but he remembered how little use she had for him in high school.

            He’d always found her really pretty, with freckles spattered across her nose, and full lips. He was sure he would have asked her on a date in school if she had ever looked at him with anything other than disdain. Not that he blamed her; he’d been caught cheating off of her midterm once and during a group project called her Audrey for two days before she corrected him. But that was high school; maybe she’d softened and forgot.

            His fingers explored the VHS boxes before him and he took his time admiring the art and reading the cases as he made his selections. She looked over at him a couple of times, appreciating that he was taking the time to do so instead of grabbing whatever new releases donned the front wall, but she hoped he wouldn’t be much longer since she needed to close in twenty minutes. Luckily it was a Thursday so he was the only one in the store and she felt no qualms kicking him out if she had to.

            At ten minutes to close she shut a drawer loudly for emphasis, hoping he would get the hint. He snapped his head up and looked around, realizing he was the only one in the store. He got the message. He smiled at her once again and came up to the counter, two videos in hand.

            “Hey.”

            “Hello, I hope you found everything you were looking for. Name?”

            He was sure she remembered his name, a little annoyed that she asked. “Steve Harrington.” She nodded and he continued. “Autumn, right?”

            “That’s right.” She let a tight lipped smile break, not meeting his gaze as her fingers clattered on the keyboard and his file popped up on the black screen in neon green text. His account had a message: he owed five-dollars in late fees. “Well Steve, says here you’ve got five bucks worth of late charges.”

            “Oops.” He laughed.

            “Yeah, oops, but I can’t rent you any new titles until you pay the fee.”

            He leaned over the counter, a tendril of his perfectly coiffed hair had escaped its hair sprayed throne and dangled over his left eye. His mouth cocked into a smarmy half smile and he lowered his voice, which tumbled out in a gravelly purr. “There must be something you can do?”

            He must have thought he was real fucking cute, grinning in her face like half the boys in Hawkins hadn’t tried to pull the same shit before.

            He was real fucking cute, though. She couldn’t wait to hand his ass to him.

            She leaned across the counter, returning the devilish grin. He bit his lip, he was sure he had her. “You’re right.”

            His eyes lit up as she motioned for him to come closer so she could whisper in his ear. He could feel her breath against his face as he turned his cheek to her lips. She was like the cat with the canary as she let her bottom lip brush his earlobe while she continued. “I can put a lock on your account until you pay your late fees.” With that she backed up, the smile fading from both of their faces.

            He frowned, standing up, and digging into his pocket. He tossed a five-dollar bill down on the counter with a condescending flick of his wrist, not having expected to be so affected by her blatant disregard to his obvious charm. He spoke much more harshly than he intended. “Fine. Here.”

            Fire flashed behind her eyes and her cheeks flushed with rage. There were so few things she found more loathsome than when someone tossed money at her like she was a peasant. Was it so hard to hand it to her? She snatched up the note and shoved it in the register. She officially hated Steve Harrington.

            He realized the second he tossed it down that it was a prick move. He watched her recoil as her face dropped. He could tell this girl hated him and honestly, it made him hate himself more.

            Steve had been having a hard time battling his personal demons and watching himself from the outside, treating this girl who just wanted to do her job like this was disgusting. He should apologize. But he didn’t. He didn’t know what to say, so he tried smiling, his eyes softening as if to say ‘forgive me’.

            She continued to glower, but plastered the fakest, most sickening smile she could muster on her lips. “Is there anything else I can help you with, Mr. Harrington?”

            “Um, I’m just going to get these.” He set two titles down on the counter.

            She couldn’t wait to judge him. However, when she turned the tapes over in her hand she deflated seeing Evil Dead II and, surprisingly, Moonstruck.

            Autumn was secretly embarrassed by how many times she’d watched both films, but particularly the latter. She could never admit to being cheesy, but this movie was her guiltiest of pleasures. She wanted to love someone something awful, just like Loretta. But it sure as hell wasn’t going to be Steve so she plunked the titles into the system and pushed them back over the counter. “These are good. Enjoy.”

            “Thanks.” He went to leave, feeling sheepish. With one hand on the door he turned to say, “I’ll get these ones back on time.”

            She didn’t break and when her look was too much to take he continued through the entrance and into the parking lot.

            The sun had nearly set, but the asphalt continued to steam in the unforgiving heat. Moths bounced against the glass on the streetlights lining blacktop and the crickets sang their summer symphony. Their song ached with notes of melancholy, for the season’s end was nearly upon them. September eked ever closer, which meant nothing to Steve.

            He slid into the driver’s seat of his car and tossed the tapes in his backseat. He sat for a moment and looked in the window at the girl he had pissed off to no end. She didn’t notice him as she came to the door and flipped the lock. He checked his watch. It was nine o’ clock and he had somewhere to be. It was his twenty-first birthday and he needed to drink to forget.

 

            Autumn had a second job, one she liked much less, at a dive bar called Charlie’s. It was a dingy little hole near the tracks that had been built in the late ‘60s. The vinyl booths were worn down and splitting, table legs wobbled, and the cue ball to the pool table had been missing so long that it had been declared legally dead. But the beer was cold, the prices were cheap, and the jukebox was unrivalled.

            She was the bartender and felt much safer behind the large oak expanse that kept her at a distance from handsy patrons and aggressive rummies than she ever would have felt on the floor. Sure, the waitresses made better tips, but she was the Queen, lording over the booze-lined shelves that crawled up the mirror behind her.

            She wasn’t turning twenty-one until early November, but the owner didn’t mind, and as long as she hid in the cooler if the cops came in, she could stay.

            The owner, Daryl Richards, was a gruff man in his late fifties who’d long since stopped giving a shit about the place, other than to make sure the walls were still standing. That and all the tabs better be paid. This was why he liked Autumn. She was feisty. No one walked out on a tab when she was working and got away with it. At least not when paired with their star bouncer. The Dream Team as Daryl lovingly referred to them.

           

            Autumn closed Victor’s in record time and made the twenty-minute walk to Charlie’s in fifteen. She was on shift at nine thirty until close at two thirty. She made her way to the heavy wooden door, donned in peeling flecks of dark green paint, and pushed her way inside. She was relieved to see The Dream Team would be working together tonight and nodded to her favourite ally, Billy Hargrove.

            Billy was a prick. He was a goon. But he threw a punch even better than he took one and he was near impossible to knock down. And he always had her back. Well, when he wasn’t ruining her relationships. Billy was currently sleeping with two of the waitresses and had fucked Autumn’s now ex-boyfriend about two months ago. He’d told her, “He was terrible in bed. You didn’t want him, Owens.” He wasn’t wrong, but it put a real damper on their working relationship for a couple of weeks. She’d requested he was fired, but after a carton of smokes and a case of beer as a peace offering, she rescinded her request. That and Daryl was absolutely not going to fire him.

            By now it was water under the bridge and she resigned herself to the fact that Billy might in fact be her closest friend. This thought depressed her as she hung her purse in the staff room and pulled off her t-shirt, revealing a tank top that would ensure a lot more tip money.

            She made her way behind the bar and took in tonight’s view. It wasn’t busy, save for a few regulars and a couple tables of younger crowds looking to drink cheap before hitting up better night spots.

            Billy sauntered over to the bar. “Hey, Owens.”

            “Hey, Hargrove.”

            “How was the video racket tonight?” He tapped a smoke out of the pack in his front pocket, offering her one as well. She accepted. He lit his and then passed her his lighter.

            “Uneventful.”

            He looked around the floor. “Just like here.”

            “Nobody parties anymore, man.”

            “Hear, hear.” His eyes darted to the cooler behind her. “Hand me a beer.”

            “You’re not supposed to drink on the job anymore.” She handed him back his lighter.

            “I’m not supposed to do a lot of things, but that’s never stopped me. Don’t be uptight, give me a beer.”

            She relented and passed him the cheapest bottle.

            “This is horse piss.”

            “Your favourite.”

            “Whatever. Thanks.” He took a swig and made his way back to the door.

 

            The night drifted by slowly and while she’d only been there for an hour, she was certain it had been two weeks since she clocked in. She heard the door creak open and looked up to see Steve stumbling in with a guy she didn’t recognize in tow. His eyes met hers as he was herded towards the bar. His heart sank as his friend propped him up on a stool in front of her.

            “Hi, Autumn.” He tried smiling through his embarrassment and the beer or six already in his system.

            “ID.” Her words were curt.

            He pulled it out of his wallet and made doubly sure to wait until her fingers were gripping it before pulling away.

            She glanced at his birthdate: August 18th, 1967. “Happy Birthday, Harrington.” She tossed his ID on the bar with a condescending flick of her wrist.

            “Thanks.” It felt like shit to be on the receiving end.

            “What can I get you boys?”

            Steve’s friend interjected. “Your number.”

            Steve grimaced and elbowed him in the ribs. “Dude, don’t.”

            She’d heard it a million times. Her smile wasn’t kind. “What’s your name?”

            “Jason.”

            “Jason. Is that something you really want to have said or do you want a do over?”

            Jason was taken aback by her _fuck you_ attitude and stuttered. “Uh, um. We’ll get two tequilas, I guess.”

            “Sure thing!” Her voice was sickeningly sweet as she lined up the shots in front of them.

            They threw them back and Steve whispered to Jason, “Can we go somewhere else?” She overheard.

            “Don’t like my company, Harrington?”

            He exhaled sharply. He was tired of her shit. “Not particularly.”

            “Aw, that’s too bad. Well, there’s the door.” She nodded the way he came.

            He took the room in for a beat, clocking the jukebox. “Actually, I think I’ll have one more beer before I go, if you don’t mind.”

            “By all means.” She slid him the same cheap swill she’d given Billy. “On me.”

            “Aren’t you a peach?” He stuffed a five-dollar bill in the tip jar and winked at her as he got out of his seat and went over to the jukebox.

            He leaned against the glass and made his selections. He looked back at her smirking and prayed to get a rise out of her. Bohemian Rhapsody flooded the speakers and she glared at him. It was poison to bartenders. She’d heard it a hundred times this week alone and she knew some asshole would start singing along. He strutted back over to the bar. “This is your favourite song, isn’t it?”

            She bore her eyes into him, furious. “Hargrove!”

            “Oh fuck, come on. I didn’t do anything.”

            Billy sauntered over and leaned an elbow on the bar, giving Steve the once over. He licked his lips. “Is Harrington bothering you?”

            “He most certainly is.”

            Jason stood up. “He didn’t do anything, man.”

            Billy lifted his hand to signal Jason to stop talking. “Now why are you giving Autumn a hard time?”

            Steve knocked back his beer and set the bottle down on the bar. “I was just leaving. Don’t worry about it.”

            “It’s my job to worry about it, Amigo.”

            Steve shook his head. Of course this is how his birthday would go. He turned to Autumn. “I’m sorry I didn’t return my fucking tapes on time. Can you call off the hounds?”

            He looked so bitter. She waved Billy off.

            “You’re on thin ice, Harrington.” Billy went back to his post.

            Jason stared her down. “You’re a real fucking bitch.”

            Steve was appalled. “Hey! Hey man, don’t talk like that.”

            She didn’t say anything to them as she went to serve a stout and balding regular who wandered up to the opposite end of the bar to serenade her with the final verse of the song she loathed so deeply. “Ok. Ok, Jerry. That’s enough.”

            Jason’s mouth was set in a hard line. “Let’s get out of here.”

            Steve barely heard him as he continued to watch after Autumn. She laughed so big, throwing her head back, as she let Jerry take her hand and lead her out from behind the bar. He twirled her once and she held the final note with him. The song ended and he clapped for her. She gave a little bow before sliding back behind her post and handing him another rum and coke.

            “When are you going to let me marry you?” Jerry was drunk with stars in his eyes.

            “When you’re a millionaire with more hair. You know the drill.”

            He brought a hand to his chest. “As always, you’re breaking my heart.” He blew her a kiss and stumbled back to his table.

            Jason followed Steve’s gaze. He hadn’t taken his eyes off of her. “Dude, we’re leaving.”

            “Give me a minute. I want to apologize.”

            “No way.”

            Steve was exhausted of arguing. “Then go. I don’t care.”

            “What is your problem?”

            “I have no idea.” He really didn’t.

            Jason wasn’t one for patience so he took off for the door, grumbling under his breath.

            Steve travelled to the other end of the bar as Bohemian Rhapsody started over.

            “Are you fucking kidding me with this?” She pointed up to the ceiling.

            He laughed. “I’m really sorry.”

            “You’re a real pain in my ass.” She popped open a beer and took a sip. “Weren’t you leaving?”

            “I was.” He pulled up a stool. “But I wanted to apologize first.”

            “Save your breath, because I don’t care.”

            “Here’s the thing though. I think you do. You seem like the type of person who cares an awful lot.”

            “Is that so?” She leaned over the bar, fiddling with the label on her bottle.

            His eyes travelled to her cleavage before he could stop himself. His cheeks flushed and he averted his gaze quickly, but not before she noticed him swallow hard. She backed up, embarrassed as she tugged her top higher. He waited for the blow, feeling ridiculous. But she didn’t say anything. She let it slide.

            “Um, can I get another beer? Preferably anything other than the last one.”

            “Sure.” She handed him a bottle of what she was drinking. “Five bucks.”

            This time he made sure to press the money into her hand. “Thanks.”

            She slid the cash into the register and tried to ignore the table of twenty-somethings howling the words to the song. “You see what you did?”

            “Your mood is not about to improve.”

            She blanched. “How many times?”

            “Four.”

            “Get the fuck out of my bar, Steve.”

            “I’m so sorry.”

            “Noted. Leave.”

            “Aw, come on. I came over here to make peace. Let me buy you a drink.”

            “I don’t need you to buy my drinks.”

            He grimaced. “I don’t think that you do. I was just trying to be nice.”

            “Don’t.”

            “Wow.”

            “You don’t take hints very well, do you Harrington?”

            “I really don’t.” He cocked his head, trying the whole cute act once more.

            “I’ll spell it out for you then. You’re not winning me over and you’re not getting my forgiveness so instead of trying to buy my affection and ogling my tits, why don’t you shuffle to the other end of the bar and make eyes at someone who doesn’t know any better?”

            He was completely confounded. “Alright then. Nice talking to you, as always.” He limped over to a table in the corner, feeling sorry for himself.

            She watched him go, feeling just as sorry for him. It wouldn’t have killed her to let him buy her a drink, but she just couldn’t stand his smug, stupid, handsome face. Handsome? _Fuck_.


	2. I Think I Read This Wrong

            Steve furrowed his brow as he tore his cardboard coaster into tiny little pieces. He half-heartedly tossed them in the air and muttered to himself, “Happy Birthday.” He took a long pull of his beer and let out a sigh as Bohemian Rhapsody started for the fourth and final time.

            Autumn could only see the back of his head, but even that looked sad. “Jesus Christ.” She was furious with herself as she grabbed a bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses, crossing the bar and slamming them down on his table. He jolted and looked up at her.

            “Birthday shot. Let’s go.”

            He didn’t have time to respond as she pressed a shot into his hand and poured herself one. She nudged it up to his lips and downed her own.

            “Woof.” He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. “Thanks?”

            “You’re welcome. Now cheer up, you only turn twenty-one once.”

            “Thank Christ.” He glowered at her. “Don’t you have a job to do?”

            “I’m just trying to be nice.”

            “Don’t.”

            “Wow.” She was impressed. He could dish it just as well as he could take it. “I’ll just go fuck myself then.”

            “Have fun.”

            She wanted to slap the smug look off of his face, but she was done letting him get to her. She moved to take his shot glass and he grabbed her wrist, tugging her to his level. He whispered in her ear, letting his lips brush against her earlobe. They were so soft and inviting. She was appalled that she felt heat between her legs. “Funny how little you care, huh?”

            She tore herself from his grip and gaped at him. He’d won this round and she could feel the anger clawing at her throat like razor blades.

            His grin was devilish and delicious.

            She turned on her heel, the bottle heavy in her hands. He called after her. “Hey Autumn.” She spun around, wild eyed. “I’ll take another one of these.” He held up his beer.

            She fumed as she rang up another drink. It wasn’t busy enough on a Thursday night to have a waitress on shift so she was stuck with him. Then she remembered Billy.

            She leaned over the far end of the bar and tossed a bottle cap at the back of his head. He flipped around, ready to fight before he realized it was Autumn.

            He came up to her. “What?”

            “Take this beer to Steve.”

            “No. You do it.”

            “Fuck you, do it.”

            “Fuck you.”

            “Billy, I’m gonna stab you. Take him the goddamn beer. And make sure he tips you.”

            “Fine.”

            Billy sauntered over to the table and slid Steve’s drink in front of him. “Ten bucks, Harrington.”

            Steve groaned seeing Billy looming over the table. “Ten? Are you kidding me?”

            “Fifteen.”

            Steve tossed a twenty down on the table. “Happy?”

            “Never.” Billy snatched up the bill and walked back over to the bar. He handed the twenty to Autumn.

            “A fifteen dollar tip?”

            “An Asshole Tax more than anything. Now can I be excused from this petty bullshit?”

            She waved him away. She was left alone with her frown, her fury, and her fascination.

           

            Steve wallowed in self-pity. He indulged in another swig of his drink, hoping this would be the one to push him past the point of not giving a shit. He wanted to be numb. So fucking numb that he couldn’t move.

            The years following graduation hadn’t been particularly kind to the once mighty King Steve. He’d worked for his dad for a while before quitting to live off of his trust fund while he ‘figured things out’. The figuring didn’t go as planned and his trust nearly dried up in about a year so he had to swallow his pride and beg his father to hire him back. He’d been stuck ever since.

            Nancy had left him, Robin had left him, and every other girl that had come since didn’t stay long enough to leave an impression, nor did they care. He was a dummy with a big heart and no one wanted it, so he let it harden and hid himself from the world. Steve Harrington was bleeding out and everyone knew it.

            He’d give anything to be even half of who he used to be. In the meantime he’d settle for numb. And if he couldn’t have that, then blackout, puking, howling drunk would have to do.

            But he was too young, too good, and too soft to be this sad. He just needed someone to love him. Someone to appreciate what he could offer. He hoped so deeply that someday he could offer a hell of a lot more.

            He finished his drink, feeling the sweat beading along his hairline. He was drunk. He wanted another. He strode back over to the bar, ready to go another round with Autumn.

            She watched him stumble. “Can I call you a cab, Steve?”

            “No, I’m good.” He pulled himself onto a stool. “The floor’s uneven.” He smiled at her, thinking himself rather clever.

            She offered him a glass of water. He shooed it away.

            “Can I have whatever your favourite drink is?”

            “Sure!” She tried handing him the glass of water once again. He pushed it away.

            “No! Like, for real.”

            “I don’t know. You look like you’ve had enough.”

            “Yeah, but listen. I don’t think you’ve had enough, so it’s better that I stick around," he said on a grin. 

            “What’s that supposed to mean?”

            “That I think you kinda like me.”

            “Ok, now I’m certain you’ve had enough.”

            He’d had too much to stop himself from letting his eyes travel over her entire body this time. Maybe he kinda liked her. By the time his gaze made the journey back to her face she was pissed.

            “Like what you see?” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

            “I might.” He set his elbows on the oak top and rested his head on his arms, looking up at her and grinning like an idiot.

            She grabbed a tiny green plastic sword from a glass behind the bar. Normally they were used for the garnish cherries. She pointed it at him. “Eye fuck me again, Harrington, and I’m going to stab your eyes out.” She tossed the little sword at him and it bounced off his forehead, falling to the bar top with a tiny clink.

            He picked it up and started chewing on it. “About that drink, though.”

            “Idiot. Drink this.” She placed the water in front of him and busied herself with an order for a nearby table.

            She left with a tray of drinks and he rested his head against the bar. While he waited for her to come back he drifted off to sleep.

 

            About half an hour after Steve passed out, Autumn rubbed his forearm. “Hey.”

            He snapped his head up, confused and delirious.

            “Hey, if you’re going to sleep I’m going to have to call you a cab.”

            His eyes finally focused and Autumn was leaning over the bar, a hand on his arm. Instinctually, his hand slid over hers. “No, I’m fine. I’ll get up.”

            She wasn’t stupid. This boy didn’t want to be alone and she took pity on him. “How about you go pass out in a booth then? It’s much more comfortable.”

            “Ok.”

            She came over to the other side of the bar and led him to a dingy booth. He smiled down at her, barely able to keep his eyes open. “I’ll leave soon.” He crawled onto the seat and shut his eyes. “Autumn?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Thanks.”

            “Go to sleep, Steve. I’ll make sure you get home.”

 

            By the time she got back to the bar Billy was frowning at her.

            “What?”

            “You guys chums now?”

            “He’s having a shitty night. Let him sleep.”

            “Who cares?”

            “Unfortunately, I guess I fucking do.” She sighed. “He seems so sad.”

            “He is sad. He’s pathetic.”

            “Maybe.”

            “You’re getting soft on me, Owens. I don’t like it.” He kissed the top of her head and left her to her struggle.

            Autumn didn’t like Steve and she liked him even less after tonight, but she wasn’t cruel. She watched his depressing birthday unfold and the last thing she wanted was to kick him out on his ass to pass out on someone’s lawn. He was already going to wake up covered in regret.

            That and she was a big softie under her hard-ass exterior.

            No one could ever know.

           

            Steve had been curled up on the booth seat, sleeping off the worst birthday he’d ever had. He jolted up, sweaty and with an accompanying headache. Bohemian Rhapsody was starting over. He squinted his eyes towards the bar and Autumn was laughing. She’d cranked the volume loud enough to bring him to.

            He ran a hand through his hair and returned a laugh. He shook his head, she’d been the best and worst parts of his night.

            She strode over to him. “Ready for that cab?”

            “No, I think I’ll walk. I could use the fresh air.” He looked around the bar, it was empty. “What time is it?”

            “Quarter after two.”

            “Oh, shit.”

            “Yeah, I’m getting ready to close up, so time to get your ass out of this booth.”

            “Can I get one for the road?”

            “Sure. Come on.” She extended her hand. He took it and she pulled him to his feet.

            He got back on his stool and she passed him a beer. He moved to get his wallet from his pocket and she waved a hand _no._ “Don’t worry about it.”

            “Thank you.”

            “I could ask Billy to give you a ride, if you wanted.”

            “Is he like your boyfriend or something?” His words were speckled with a little more curiosity than he’d intended.

            She brayed. “Oh my God. Holy shit. Oh Jesus. No.”

            He smirked, it was nice to see someone react to Billy Hargrove like this. Fuck that guy.

            “He’s my friend and I could ask him to give you a ride home.”

            “I would rather die in the street, but thanks.”

            “Fair enough.” She had no illusions about Billy’s personality. He wasn’t for everyone. Come to think of it, he wasn’t for anyone.

            His ears must have been burning because Billy wandered behind the bar and slung an arm around Autumn.

            Steve didn’t know why, but it pissed him off.

            “Hey, I’m going over to Leslie’s so I can’t drop you off tonight.”

            She shrugged him off, annoyed that he was reneging on his promise. “Goddammit Billy, why didn’t you tell me that hours ago?”

            “Because I just called to see if she was up. Relax, Owens.” He pulled her into a noogie. He looked to Steve as Autumn shoved him off. “Happy Birthday, Pretty Boy.”

            Steve scowled at him.

            “Make Harrington walk you home. That way you can keep his bitch ass safe.” He moved from behind the bar. “I’m taking off.”

            “Whatever.”

            “Yeah, yeah, whatever to you, too.”

            She waited for the door to close to start her complaints. “Fucking Billy.”

            “Can I walk with you?”

            _Fucking Steve._

            Steve waited under a street light in the parking lot and lit a smoke while Autumn closed up. She took her time and then tossed two bottles of beer in her purse. If she was stuck with him, she might as well enjoy herself.

            She stepped out into the lot. The summer night was still blistering.

            The light was pooling over Steve as he leaned against the pole, one leg bent at the knee. He looked like a movie star as he tossed his cigarette and pushed off to greet her.

            “Hey.”

            “Here.” She passed him a drink and popped the cap on her own.

            “Cheers.” He clinked his bottle against hers and took a long draw.

            “I don’t live in the hoity-toity part of town so I’m heading south.”

            “I don’t either, so I’m following you.”

            “I thought you lived in a really fancy house with a pool and shit.”

            “Yeah, when I lived with my parents, dummy.”

            “The once mighty King Steve has to live among the riff raff now?”

            “I’m not your roommate.” He grinned.

            She wasn’t amused. It’d struck a very raw, very shameful nerve. She couldn’t even bring herself to fight back.

            Autumn had a lot of feelings about growing up with nothing. She thought it made her more authentic, but she was secretly ashamed of it. She’d spent her life jealous of the kids that could afford the despicable material possessions that she’d always said were stupid, but secretly coveted. She wished she would have had the means to move to a big college town and had every opportunity that she’d seen much more fortunate kids squander. Part of the reason she hated Steve Harrington was because she’d watched a promising athlete throw away his future because he couldn’t be bothered to put his drink or his girlfriend down and study for a test. She wasn’t privy to monsters and breakups and all the reasons Steve became a bigger mess each passing year, but she’d seen a very capable boy with everything become a sad man and she fucking hated him for it. If she’d had an inch of what he’d been handed by being born a Harrington she felt she would have been unstoppable. She’d been feeling guilty for the ounce of pleasure she’d basked in watching him struggle all night, until he’d said this. He was a spoiled brat.

            He felt the mood shift and realized he must have crossed a line. “I’m sorry. I was only kidding.”

            “Doesn’t matter. We’re not friends and your assumptions mean nothing to me.”

            “I wasn’t assuming anything. I was making a joke. A joke based off your own assumptions of me.”

            “I’m surprised you know what that word means, Steve. It’s a pretty big one.”

            That really hurt. Steve crumbled whenever he was treated like he was stupid. He knew he wasn’t as smart as Autumn, but did that mean he didn’t know anything? He was so much more than a pretty face and trust fund. He was kind. He was fair. He was tender hearted. What made him stupid was how quick he was to hand over that big, dumb heart. He loved his friends and he loved any girl that ever whispered his name. He’d loved them all and never received half of what he sought. But he’d put his life on the line to protect them. He’d watched Autumn grow up with her back up against the wall, swiping at anyone who dared talk to her. He’d hated her for being so distant. So many people liked her, but she’d kept every one of them at a safe distance, leaving room for her escape. He would have loved to have half of her projected confidence and half of her bravery. He couldn’t be sure, but he suspected it was all a smoke screen to keep people away from knowing her intimately. He’d watched a very sweet, hopeful girl become bitter and aloof. She was an ice princess.

            “You’re not very nice, Autumn.”

            “You’re right. I’m not.”

            He took another sip of his drink, unsatisfied with her answer. “I think it’s an act.”

            She kept walking.

            “You pretend to be tough because God forbid you actually give a shit about something.”

            “Now who’s making assumptions?”

            “It’s no secret that you can’t stand me.”

            “True.”

            “Yet you spent all night taking care of me. Now, either you’re secretly in love with me-“

            “Gag.”

            “-Or you’re just a big phony.”

            “I don’t know which is worse.”

            “Mmmm, I’m a pretty good catch. So maybe you should stop pretending to be so hard.”

            She spun to face him, stopping abruptly. “You know Steve, I think you need to take yourself the rest of the way home because this is getting ridiculous.”

            He was staring down at her, watching her convince herself that she didn’t have a sickening soft spot for him. Or at least that’s what he’d hoped. He’d drank too much and he was ready to fuck up royally. He brought a hand to her face and moved to kiss her. She slapped it away and pushed him off.

            “What in the fuck are you doing?”

            “I think I read this wrong.” He was wildly embarrassed.

            “You think?!”

            He started laughing, things could not be going worse. She wanted to murder him, but she found herself laughing, too.

            He extended his hand. “Hi, I’m Steve.”

            She accepted. “Autumn.”

            “Nice to meet you for the very first time and not at all in high school and definitely not earlier tonight.”

            She wanted to hate this guy so bad, but as she finished the rest of her beer in one sip she resigned herself to the fact that Steve was, above all things, charming as hell.

            “Come on, idiot.”

            They strolled along down the middle of the street. The silence was somehow both comfortable and fraught. He kept stealing glances down at her, wondering all about who she’d become, happy to have the company.

            She avoided looking up at him, worried that he might be a better person than she’d always thought.

            He followed her along the side streets, taking in the low income rental houses. This was home for her. She was mortified to be leading Steve into her neighbourhood and wished he would turn off before coming up to her place. She shared the basement suite of a bungalow with one of the waitresses from Charlie’s named Jessica. Jessica was sleeping with Billy, so most of the time it felt like he lived there, too.

            Her place had a neatly kept lawn, as Autumn made Billy cut it in return for using their hot water and enjoying their cable. The white paint had started to peel and the shingles had begun to curl, but it was home. It was a place to hang her hat and to be away from her parent’s constant questions about her future. She kept the place clean and tidy, laying coasters and vacuuming every other day, much to her roommate's chagrin. It was hers and she was going to make it the best it could be. She didn’t care that it wasn’t a two storey home in Loch Nora. That was until she was coming up to the walk with Steve.

            She’d never told anyone, but as a kid she and her other friends with unfinished basements and unattached garages would bike past his place all the time. They’d dream about having a sprawling driveway and a large swimming pool. They’d talk about what it would be like to have a sleepover in that big house. She’d imagined laying poolside with magazines, a boom box, and twelve of her closest friends cannonballing nearby countless times.

            Now he was going to see how the other half lived and she wanted to be a million miles away.

            She stopped at her walk, for the first time feeling bad about what was hers. “Well, this is me.”

            He wondered at it. It was quaint and lovely and it made him smile. “I’ll walk you to your door.”

            “That’s ok.” She gave him a light punch on the arm. “Happy Birthday, Steve.”

            “Goodnight, Autumn.”

            She was panicked at the prospect of him coming inside, but she wanted to make sure he got home safe. “Do you want me to call you a cab from here?”

            “No, that’s ok, I only live three blocks over.”

            Her heart sank. She really didn’t know Steve Harrington at all.


	3. You're Doing a Really Bad Job

            “Ok. Have a good night.” Autumn started across her lawn, leaving Steve on the sidewalk watching after.

            “Hey, Autumn, wait.” He trotted over to her.

            “What is it?”

            “I just wanted to apologize for what Jason said earlier. He was really out of line.”

            She chuckled. Working behind the bar she’d been called a bitch a thousand times and it didn’t even register anymore. It was an insecure man’s last line of defense and she’d already forgotten about it by the time it had happened. Either way, it was a nice gesture. “Thanks.”

            He rocked back and forth on his heels with his hands in his pockets and he shrugged. “I’m surprised I’m not more tired.”

            _Oh Jesus. Here we go_.

            She rolled her eyes. “Go home, Steve.”

            “I was merely making conversation.”

            She wasn’t born yesterday. “Get stepping, Harrington.”

            He narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re so full of yourself. You’re assuming I want to get in your pants.”

            “Like you haven’t tried all night.”

            “You’d know if I was trying. You’d be begging me to come in.”

            She was furious all over again and she closed the space between them. He looked down at her excited and confused as she drug her hand down his chest, then his stomach, until she was cupping his bulge over his jeans. “You couldn’t handle me.”

            She gave him a gentle, yet commanding squeeze and a strained breath escaped his lips. He was dumbfounded. She let go and continued to her door, slamming it behind her, and she hoped he felt like a moron standing on her lawn with his mouth open and his dick erect.

            He did.

 

            Steve loped the three blocks to his apartment. She’d won this round. Unlike Autumn, he took his loss with a little less edge. Sure, he was a bit pissed, she’d made a fool out of him after all.

            No, come to think of it, he was furious. He wasn’t taking it with grace. Every step he’d taken since her yard was a step closer to full blown animosity.

            He climbed the steps to his humble abode and struggled to get the key in the lock. “Fuck sakes.”

            He stumbled inside, not because he was too drunk to stand, but because he was too ruffled. She was under his skin.

            He noticed the tapes he’d rented sitting on his coffee table. He glared at them, like they were somehow in cahoots with her, conspiring against him. He picked up Moonstruck and turned it over in his hand, considering the runtime on the back. He really wasn’t that tired after sleeping in the booth for hours, so he decided to betray himself and pop the tape in his VCR.

            He kicked his shoes off and flopped down on the couch. The opening credits crawled and he let himself try to enjoy the goddamn thing.

 

            Autumn’s roommate was fast asleep, leaving the living room unoccupied.

            Autumn never went straight to bed after work, she always took a spell to unwind. She didn’t keep the best hours, but the middle of the night was her time. What others may have found lonely she found peaceful. This was when she could recharge away from the noise of the world around her.

            She pulled on a pair of sweats, threw her hair in a ponytail, and dug through her movies. She shook her head as she picked Moonstruck for the umpteenth time and slid it into the VCR. She curled up on the couch under a raggy afghan and found herself quoting every line until she drifted off to sleep.

 

            Steve thought the movie was monumentally sappy, but he’d liked it. He turned off the TV and noticed the sun had begun to creep up. The birds had noticed, too. They chirped happily, further souring his mood. He’d better get to bed before it was completely light out.

            He tossed and turned, overheating and irritated. Sleep wasn’t coming any time soon. He sat up and tore his t-shirt off, tossing it across the room. He was drenched in sweat. He punched his pillows into what he hoped would be a fluffier headrest and threw himself back against the mattress.

            Another ten minutes clicked by and he sighed while looking around his lonely room. His hand thoughtlessly drifted into his boxers and he began to rub himself. If he couldn’t sleep he might as well cum. He’d hoped to distract himself from his most recent sparing match with Autumn, but as his cock got harder he found himself thinking about her more and more. Before he could help himself, he was imagining her pillowy lips wrapped around the head of his penis. With his teeth biting down hard into his bottom lip and his brow furiously knit, he tried to think of anything else. But he couldn’t. His thoughts drifted to her sizeable chest and he imagined what her breasts would look like jiggling as he pounded into her. She couldn’t complain if she was too busy moaning. His cock throbbed in his hand as he imagined her digging her fingers into his arms and throwing her head back, screaming his name. She didn’t seem so tough begging him to keep fucking her. His pace quickened and he imagined nibbling at her neck and finishing inside of her. The next thing he knew he was cumming while thinking of her face. His eyes popped open and he stared up at the ceiling, panting. Cum trickled over his knuckles and he hated himself. He’d let her get to him in the worst way. He wanted her bad.

            “Fuck.”

 

            Autumn had fallen asleep on the couch, but was abruptly stirred from her rest by the sound of someone coming in the front door. She squinted at the clock on the VCR: it was six thirty.

            Billy was sneaking into the house, as he was one to often do. He noticed her on the couch and sat down next to her. Laying on her side, she slid a leg over his lap and snuggled back into her pillow. “What are you doing here?”

            “I didn’t want to stay over at Leslie’s so I thought I’d come raid your fridge for breakfast.” He gave her a light smack on the ass.

            “Billy, fuck off.”

            “Jessica around?”

            “She’s sleeping, Meathead. Like I was.”

            “You want some eggs?”

            “No.”

            “Wanna fool around?” He bit his lip.

            “Goddammit Billy, no. Be quiet.” He’d asked her this a million times. It was playful banter, but she knew if she’d said yes he would happily crawl into her bed.

            “Someday Owens, you’re going to want me and I won’t be taking customers.”

            “I weep for my future.”

            He looked around the room. “I’m surprised Harrington isn’t here, seeing how you two are such good pals now.”

            “Don’t be gross.” She pushed into his ribs with her feet, shoving him towards the edge of the couch. “Go away.”

            He slunk off for the kitchen, making as much of a racket as possible, which she was sure was intentional. She pulled her pillow over her head and screamed into it. She wanted to murder any man she’d had to deal with over the last twelve hours. If one more dude dared to bother her she was going to start stabbing.

           

            Steve’s alarm went off at seven, earning a frustrated groan. “Noooo.” He slammed his hand on the snooze button and pulled his comforter over his head.

            It was Friday and he had to be to work at eight. He considered phoning in sick, since it was his birthday hangover and all. After a moment of self convincing, coupled with how quickly the room was spinning, he decided to do just that and drug himself out of bed to the phone. He dialled his father’s number, certain he would be at home eating breakfast. After two rings Bradley Harrington answered. “Hello?”

            “Hey, Dad.” Steve swallowed hard, gathering courage. “Listen, I’m not feeling well, so I was hoping I could just make up some time on Monday?”

            “Why aren’t you feeling well?”

            “It was my birthday yesterday.” Bradley hadn’t called.

            “So you were out drinking.”

            “Yeah. For my birthday.” Steve couldn’t keep the hurt and bitterness from creeping into his tone.

            “Miss me with the attitude, Steven. If you want to get annihilated and expect to remain on payroll that’s your prerogative, but after today, you pull this shit again and you’re done. Understand?”

            Steve felt the fire rising in his chest. “Yes.”

            “I’ll see you on Monday.”

            “Alright.”

            “Steve.”

            “Yeah?”

            “Happy Birthday.” His father disconnected.

            Steve had been gripping the receiver so tight he heard it crack. A solitary tear rolled down his cheek as he remembered every abysmal birthday his father had ever ruined, unfortunately the tally was twenty-one. He tossed the phone back on its cradle, wiped his face on the back of his hand, and crawled back into bed.

           

            “Autumn, come eat this shit!”

            Autumn had finally shut the door and crawled into bed to drown out Billy’s cacophony of bullshit. But no sooner had she shut her eyes and fell back asleep when he started yelling for her.

            “Oh my God!” She tore herself out of bed and padded to the kitchen. Jessica was at the table, having also been woken up by the din.

            “Hey.” Jessica sipped at a coffee.

            “Morning.” Autumn took a seat beside her and laid her head on the table.

            Billy, exhibiting a rare instance of consideration, brought Autumn a coffee. He gave Jessica a kiss and returned to the toaster.

            “Can you stop sleeping with Hargrove so he’ll stay in his own goddamn house?”

            Jessica considered this for a second. “Hmmm. No.” She smiled and took another sip of her coffee.

            “I heard that, Owens. I’m going to spit in your eggs.”

            She ignored him, continuing her conversation with Jessica. “You work tonight?”

            “I do. I’m on at six. You?”

            “No, thank Christ. I’m closing at the video store tonight, but I’ll stop by Charlie’s for a drink when I’m done.”

           

*

 

            Steve spent the day in bed with his self-pity. When his stuffy room got to be too much, he pulled a sheet over his head and shuffled to the living room to be depressed on the couch. The change of scenery did little for his mood, but he decided to pop Evil Dead II in, ensuring he would get his rentals back tonight so he wouldn’t have to deal with Autumn’s attitude again.

            Suddenly he remembered trying to kiss her and he groaned, throwing his hands over his eyes. He swept his hands through his hair and prayed she wouldn’t be working tonight. While he could just slip the tapes in the return slot and be shot of a chance encounter, he wanted to get another movie and distract himself from the horrors of his current reality.

            At six, Steve finally dragged himself into the shower. He stared up at the showerhead, letting the water beat against his face, washing away the shame and disappointment of last night. He opened his mouth, letting it fill, amusing himself by spitting water at the wall. He contemplated jerking off again, but felt it was much too dangerous to risk considering his next stop was the video store.          

            After drying off he spent time ensuring he looked good. If he did see Autumn, he wanted to look his best. Not that he cared or anything. Certainly not. He just wanted her to know what she was missing. That and maybe he’d go out and try to get laid tonight. It wasn’t about the sex so much as he wanted someone close, if only for a few hours. 

 

            Friday nights were always Victor’s Video’s busiest. Everyone and their grandma would come in to rent movies for the weekend. Autumn loved Fridays. It was exciting to watch friends and families debate each other for the night’s winning selection. Or even more thrilling, when people would fight over the last copy of a popular release. Watching people get worked up over movies made her feel like they might just matter as much to other people as they did to her and that thought comforted her. She wanted them to be well watched and well loved. One thing she couldn’t stand was when someone would return a movie and tell her they never even bothered to watch it. She didn’t like to think they’d taken the opportunity away from someone else who may have been looking for it that night.

            On Fridays she worked with at least two other people, ensuring she was on the floor, pressing titles into people’s hands and babbling excitedly to whoever was interested. She was better at pushing movies than she was at slinging booze. Booze sold itself. At the video store, she sold an experience. She would convince people to take home lovers, enemies, friends, adventures, heartbreaks, and horrors. Autumn knew what they would need, what they would like, and how to heal or break them with a film. She was rarely wrong.

            She was restocking the shelves in the Horror section when Steve strolled in, last night’s choices in hand. He slid them over the counter to Autumn’s co-worker, Jake, and moved to the new release wall. He hadn’t seen her, but she’d spotted him. She crouched, with a few VHS still in hand, losing sight of him, and she tried to sneak around to Action undetected. Looking behind, she was sure she’d made it, before barrelling head first into his chest as he came around the other side of the rack. They both let out a grunt and took a step back.

            “Now who could you be hiding from?” He smirked.

            She steadied herself. “Goddammit, Steve. What are you doing here?”

            “Renting movies, genius.” He grabbed a title from her hand. “Any good?”

            “Why don’t you read the back, idiot?”

            “That’s not very friendly. Maybe I should speak to your manager," he teased.

            She tore it out of his hand. “No, it sucks. Rent something else.”

            He was, in spite of himself, already enjoying the banter too much to back down, so he followed along behind her as she stalked back to her section to finish putting things away. “Do you have a suggestion?”

            She refused to answer.

            He stood behind her, reaching over her shoulder and flipping any case she would place on the shelf. She elbowed him.

            “You’re so cute when you try to ignore me.”

            “I am ignoring you.”

            “You’re doing a really bad job.” He grinned.

            She turned to face him. He was looking down at her and she felt heat trickling up the back of her neck as she recalled him trying to kiss her last night. She wondered if she’d be fired for punching him in the face, but thought better of it and asked, “What do you want, Harrington?”

            “A movie.”

            “I’m really busy, can you ask someone else?”

            “I could.” He considered for a second. “But then you’d probably get really jealous.”

            She huffed. “You’re insufferable.”

            “And you grabbed my dick last night, so the least you can do is recommend me a movie.”

            “Oh Steven, if I’d actually grabbed your dick last night, you’d be a new man today.”

            She didn’t notice, but he shivered. He started thinking about all the things he’d wanted to do to her last night and tried very hard to push them from his thoughts. He watched her mouth move and he wanted to rest a hand on her chin and rub his thumb on her lips. He imagined her sucking it. Then he imagined pushing her up against the rack of movies, with tapes clattering to the floor, and her wrapping her legs around his waist. He realized he’d gone too long without saying something and ran a hand through his hair trying to think of a retort. He’d made a mistake coming here. Even though, although he’d never admit it, he’d come inside hoping to see her.

            She may not have noticed him shiver, but she did notice his silence. She smiled. She’d won again. Turning, she placed another movie on the shelf.

            He scowled at the back of her head, unsure what to do with the lethal mixture of hatred and craving coursing through his body.

            He took a step closer to her back. He was inches away and she could sense it. The hair stood up on the back of her neck and she was disgusted that it was from anticipation. He ran a hand up her arm and once again whispered in her ear. “I know you think you’re real slick, Owens, but who was it hiding from who when I walked in? Don’t think I didn’t see you through the window, Miss Hard Ass.” He let his nose drag up her temple and heard her breath hitch in her throat.

            He stepped back and walked out of the aisle before she could respond.

            She watched him leave the store, with his broad shoulders, his goddamn freckled cheeks, and his perfect fucking hair. He’d gotten to her.


	4. Almost

            Autumn had been staring after him too long to ignore the feeling in the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t stand him, but goddammit if there wasn’t something about him. Her cheeks were flushed and she was certain that if he would have pressed his lips to her neck she would have crumbled. She needed to stay away from Steve Harrington.

            That was going to prove easier said than done as she closed up shop and started her stroll over to Charlie’s to have a drink with her roommate. She walked along the middle of the street, enjoying the sounds of summer drifting in the sleepy heat when she heard a car approaching from behind and moved to the sidewalk. It slowed to her pace and she looked over to see Steve rolling down the passenger window of his BMW.

            “Where you headed?”

            “None of your goddamn business.” She played it cool, despite the quickening of her heartbeat at the sight of him smiling up at her.

            He laughed. “Want a lift?”

            He was going to wear her down anyway, she was certain of it, so she begrudgingly accepted. “Sure.”

            She hopped in the car and he beamed at her. “Where to?”

            “I’m going to Charlie’s.”

            “What a coincidence. That’s just where I was heading.”

            “Stalking is illegal, Harrington.”

            “Lucky for you, being full of yourself isn’t. I was going to have a cheap drink, I didn’t think you’d be there.”

            “But you’d hoped so, so I guess it’s your lucky night.”

            “Naw, I gave up hope when I saw your sour little face at Victor’s.” He poked her in the ribs.

            She swatted his hand away. “God, Steve, you want me so bad, it’s almost embarrassing.”

            “Almost.”

            That had done it and they sat quietly as he drove. The silence quickly grew awkward amidst the sexual tension. Steve cleared his throat and turned up the radio while Autumn fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt. By some stroke of fate, Bohemian Rhapsody was the next song on the docket and Steve couldn’t contain himself. Autumn tried to look pissed, but she was betrayed by her own laughter. “This is somehow your fault.”

            “I accept.”

            He pulled into the lot and she immediately climbed out, starting for the door before he had a chance to unclip his seatbelt. He hurried out, running to catch up to her. “Wait up, idiot.”

            “Thanks for the ride, Steve, but we’re not here together.”

            “Don’t be a dick, Autumn. I’ll buy you a drink.” He opened the door for her, motioning for her to head inside.

            Billy was on the other side of the door, about to play emotional ping pong. He lit up seeing Autumn, his face dropped instantaneously seeing Steve. “Owens, glad to see you doing your charity work for the second night in a row.”

            “Ha. Ha. Billy.” She rolled her eyes.

            Steve stood by her side, his male bravado getting the best of him. He didn’t even know for certain his feelings for Autumn, but he knew that he loathed Billy and that Billy’s proximity to Autumn upset him. He had to fight the urge to slide a hand around her waist, but he did take a step closer.

            “Come on, Steve. Let’s go get me that drink," Autumn purred. 

            He looked Billy in the eye, smirking. “Let’s.”

            Billy made a mental note to kick Harrington’s ass later and watched him follow after Autumn like a puppy. This wouldn’t do. No goddamn way.

            Whenever Autumn wasn’t bartending, Brandon would be. Brandon was in his thirties, friendly, and relaxed. He was everything Autumn wasn’t. And that’s the way Daryl liked it. Autumn was his favourite, but she’d barked at enough customers that some of them would only come in when Brandon would smile in their faces instead of her biting at their hands. She liked Brandon just fine, but he was a pushover, and that bothered her. He’d paid enough skipped tabs on his own dime for her to agree with his kill ‘em with kindness attitude. Regardless, he made a mean drink and always walked the girls to their cars.

            She pulled up a stool and Steve did the same. After ringing in an order, Brandon came over to her, smiling warmly. “Look what the cat dragged in. Wanna work?”

            “As if.” She returned the smile. “I will have a gin and tonic, though.” She motioned to Steve. “He’s buying.”

            He nodded to Steve. “What about you?”

            “Rum and coke.”

            “Ok, a gin for Autumn and a rum for her boyfriend.” Brandon turned to grab the bottles and get to pouring.

            She nearly cringed out of her skin. She could feel Steve grinning at her.

            “Aw, Honey, we’re official now," he cooed.

            She’d had enough. She grabbed his face and dug her fingers into his jaw, forcing him to look her in the eye. “If you don’t knock it off I’m going to snap your neck and everybody will thank me for getting rid of your smarmy, obnoxious ass.” She pulled his face impossibly close to hers. “Got it?”

            He swallowed hard, surprisingly terrified. “Yes.”

            She kissed the tip of his nose. “Good boy.”

            She let go and he stretched his jaw, rubbing his cheek from where she’d dug in so hard. He was as aroused as he was annoyed.

            Jessica came up behind Autumn and threw her arms around her. “You made it!”     

            Autumn leaned back into the hug. “How’s your night?”

            “Busy.” She looked to Steve, taking him in, and liking what she saw. “And who is this?”

            “Steve.” He extended his hand, Jessica accepted.

            “Aren’t you cute?” She bit her lip. “Jessica.”

            “Nice to meet you.” He gave her a toothy smile. It was knock-your-socks-off charming.

            “Pleasure’s all mine," she giggled.

            Autumn was suddenly feeling very territorial, which mortified her. “Now, now, Jess. Don’t you have enough on your hands with Billy?”

            “I dunno, my hands are pretty big.” She kissed the top of Autumn’s head. “I gotta get back to my tables, but we’re going to the Quarry after close.” She looked to Steve. “You guys should come.”

            “Sounds good.” Autumn said, Steve giving a polite nod.

            Jessica walked away, turning back to see if Steve watched her go. He didn’t, he was too busy beaming at Autumn. “Oh man.”

            Autumn refused to look at him as Brandon set their drinks in front of them. “What?”

            “You’re jealous.”

            “Of what?” 

            “Don’t be coy.” He handed Brandon a twenty and took a sip of his drink. “You want me so bad it’s almost embarrassing.”

            “Almost.” She chugged her drink and motioned for another.

 

*

            Brandon slid three whiskey shots in front of Autumn, she pushed one to Steve and one to Billy, who’d pulled up the stool on the other side of her. “Let’s do this, boys.” She knocked it back and they followed suit.

            She was three drinks and two shots deep with the end nowhere in sight. Autumn knew she should slow down, but one drink usually turned into eight or nine to keep her demons at bay. Tonight her demons were perched in the seats beside her.

            “Brandon, another.”

            Steve put a hand over her glass. “Whoa, no. Why don’t you let that one kick in first?”

            “Don’t tell me what to do.” She pulled his hand off of her glass. Brandon poured her another shot without blinking an eye and moved to the other end of the bar to help another patron. She took it quickly before Steve could insert himself in her fun once again.

           Steve hated this. He could see Billy watching her like a vulture and he took a sip of his drink to mask his expression. He suddenly felt very protective and decided he should watch after her, whether she wanted him to or not. He assumed she could handle herself, but on the off chance she couldn’t, he would be her ally. “Autumn, come on. Let me get you a water.”

            “How the tables have turned.” She booped his nose before she climbed off of her stool and clocked the jukebox. Billy followed her eye line and scooped her up, throwing her over his shoulder.

            “Allow me.” He ran a familiar hand up the back of her thigh and rested it on her ass. Steve was disgusted. Autumn laughed, enjoying the attention as Billy carried her over to the jukebox and handed her a dollar so she could make her selections.

            Steve was fuming. He wasn’t jealous so much as worried. Hargrove was an opportunist and a dick.

            Brandon came up to Steve. “Hey, want another?” He looked to where Steve was staring. Brandon wasn’t stupid. He also wasn’t a fan of Billy.

            “Sure," Steve huffed, never tearing his eyes from Autumn.

            Brandon topped up Steve’s drink and watched Billy press a little too closely to Autumn’s backside, keeping a hand on her hip. She pushed him off and he immediately slid his hand back up her side.

            “Hargrove!” Billy snapped his head in Brandon’s direction. “You’re not getting paid to drink. Get your ass back to the door.”

            Billy flipped him off the entire walk back to the front. Brandon was utterly unfazed.

            Billy was always handsy with Autumn, or anyone in a five foot radius, but Steve being around had brought out the worst in him. Autumn was _his_ friend. Autumn was _his_ pretty problem.

            Steve grabbed his drink and walked over to her. “What are you going to pick?”

            “Not Bohemian Rhapsody.”

            “But that’s our song.” He elbowed her.

            She looked up at him, wanting to say something biting, but by the time she met his eye, she was completely disarmed. He was looking at her so tenderly and all she could do was smile. The alcohol was dulling her edge.

            “Here, let me pick one," Steve offered, nudging her to move.

            “No! I don’t trust you.”

            “Come on.” He bumped her with his hip, pushing her out of the way, and began to browse the selections. He didn’t notice that he’d bumped her hard enough that she’d fallen on her ass.

            “What the hell, Harrington?” She looked up at him like the grumpiest, tiniest, most furious creature in the world.

            “Oh my God. I’m sorry.” He pulled her up off of the floor and she stumbled into his arms, clutching at his shirt. With one hand at the small of her back to steady her and the other around the back of her neck, he looked down at her. He thought he’d wanted to kiss her last night, tonight it was going to eat him alive. “You okay?”

            She pushed him away. “I’m fine. Did you pick something?”

            “One second.” He turned back to the jukebox and finished making his choice.

            “Want another drink?” she asked.

            He lifted his glass. “I’m good, thanks, but I don’t think you need another.”

            “Oh, Steven, relax.” He hated being called Steven, but he liked the way it sounded coming out of her mouth. He certainly wouldn’t need another drink, his defenses were already in ruins.

            She didn’t wait for him as she travelled back to the bar to get herself into more trouble.

 

*

            Steve sat across from Autumn in the very booth he’d slept in the night before and she was excitedly explaining the first six instalments in the Friday the 13th franchise.

            “Seven was only out like three months ago. You’re telling me you didn’t see it?” she exclaimed, struggling to find her straw with her tongue as she aimed for a sip.

            “No. The last one was so stupid I didn’t bother.”

            She tossed her coaster at him. “You’re so stupid! God, Harrington. You’re the worst.”

            “The entire franchise went to shit after the fourth one.”

            “The entire franchise _was_ shit after the first one. You can enjoy bad things, Steve.”

            He went to say something, but his choice came up on the jukebox. Maneater by Hall and Oates flooded the airwaves and he grinned. “I picked you a song.”

            She listened for a minute, trying to recognize it. The chorus came on and her face dropped. “This is what you think of me?”

            “Deadly? Absolutely.”

            “A maneater?”

            “You wouldn’t chew me up and spit me out?”

            “You wouldn’t even get the chance," she scoffed, taking yet another sip.

            “I rest my case." He shrugged and tried to ignore how cute she looked basked in the dingy lights of the bar. He couldn't and he imagined pulling her over the table and getting his mouth on her, but her expression told him to not get any bright ideas, because in that moment she loathed him.

            Jessica sidled up to the table, snapping Steve back to reality. “You guys need anything?”

            Autumn finished shooting daggers at Steve and turned to Jess. “Oh yes, Steve is buying me another gin and tonic and we’ll take two more whiskey shots, also on him.”

            She looked to Steve, he nodded. “I’ll take another rum and coke.”

            “Will do.” Jessica could tell whatever she walked into wasn’t pleasant so she turned quickly and made a note to ask Autumn what their deal was later.

            “You’re mad at me now.”

            “I’m always mad at you, Steven.”

            “Steve.” He corrected, a little snarkier than she expected.

            “Whatever.”

            “Only my dad calls me Steven.” He’d tried to bury his resentment by taking another sip, but she picked up on the contempt in his voice. It really wasn’t a secret that Bradley Harrington was a First Class Prick of the highest order, given his reputation around town, but she never knew how his own kid felt about him. Steve’s sudden shift in mood said everything.

            He stared into his drink, twirling the ice around his glass. He didn’t want to be thinking about the phone call he’d had earlier, but it had been in the back of his mind all day. Autumn softened, unsure, and ready to overstep the boundaries of someone she had always aimed not to know. “Wanna talk about it?”

            He looked at her, surprised. Even more surprising was how badly he did want to talk about it. “My dad fucking sucks. Please don’t call me Steven.”

            “Then I won’t.” Her voice and her expression were delicate.  

            “Thank you.” He didn’t know Autumn at all and it was in that moment that he realized all he wanted to do was just that.


	5. Go Ahead

            Steve and Autumn spent the remainder of the bar hours tucked in the booth, annoying the shit out of one another. He’d buy her a drink and tell her a stupid joke, she’d get pissed and tell him he was a moron, buy him a drink, tell him a stupid joke, he’d get pissed and tell her she was a dick. And so it went on. The problem was, as time marched on, Autumn was hating him less and Steve was liking her more.

            Jessica had dropped by the booth several times, bringing several drinks, each time hoping Steve would pay attention to her. Each time she was disappointed watching him watch Autumn with his heart on his sleeve.

            Jessica had arrived with another round and Autumn grabbed her arm and pulled herself out of the booth. “I gotta pee. Come with me.”

            Jessica steadied her and laughed. “Okay, let’s go, Drunky.”

            Autumn pointed at Steve. “I’ll be right back!"

            “I’ll be right here.” There was something about the way he’d said it, she couldn’t wait to get back to him. She didn’t like that.

            Jessica led Autumn to the bathroom. “You think you’ve had enough?”

            “OH! I most certainly have.” She stumbled into a stall and continued to yell to Jessica, too drunk to be quiet. “We’re still going to the Quarry, right?”

            “If you sober up a little, bonehead.” Jessica readjusted her boobs in the mirror. “What’s the deal with Steve?”

            Autumn finished peeing and came over to the sink to wash her hands. “What do you mean?”

            “You guys hooking up?”

            Autumn was taken aback by the question. “No.” 

            “You want to?”

            “N-no.” Autumn suddenly felt very vulnerable and confused. Why the fuck should she care if Jessica wanted to hook up with Steve? But, oh boy, did she.

            “So he’s fair game?” Jessica felt like she was doing her due diligence as a friend giving Autumn no less than two opportunities to protest, despite Autumn’s obvious discomfort, which Jessica was choosing to ignore.

            “I guess so," Autumn whispered, focusing on the water running over her hands as she wrung them furiously.

            Jessica lit up. “Great! Make sure to bring him tonight.” She fluffed her hair and moved for the door. “I gotta get back to work.”

            Autumn stared at herself long and hard in the mirror. She was insecure and she didn’t like what she saw. She saw her angry reflection staring back at her and even more detestable was the hurt behind her eyes. Tears welled up and she wanted to scream. She felt foolish. She let Steve claw his way into her thoughts and she’d almost let herself like him. Jessica was taller, thinner, and much more bubbly. He’d fuck her. She knew it. And she was ashamed that she cared. She hated that she’d thought better of him. She hated that she’d let him charm her. She hated Steve Harrington.

            Autumn collected herself and returned to the table.

            Steve looked so happy to see her, an expression that quickly turned to confusion. She looked so upset. “Hi.”

            “Hi.”

            “Jessica came by to say that everyone’s still heading to the Quarry. Wanna ride together?” Why wasn’t she sitting back down? He cocked his head, trying to endear himself to her.

            “I think I’m going to get going, actually.” She reached across her seat and grabbed her purse, slinging it over her shoulder.

            “Huh? Wait, I thought we were going to the party?” He scrambled to his feet, worried that he'd somehow fucked this up while she was gone. Maybe he should have picked a better song. 

            “Yeah, you should totally go. You’ll have a lot of fun.” Her smiled was strained and her voice wavered.

            “I’m not going to go if you’re not going. You’re the only person I even know here.” He grabbed her wrist so she’d stop walking.

            “You’ll make plenty of friends.”

            “Are you pissed at me?” 

            She was, but it wasn’t until he asked that she realized she had no way of explaining to him why. How could she tell him she was mad because he was a handsome, likeable goofball that other girls wanted to fuck? She didn’t even know if she did, for certain. But she didn’t want anyone else to have the option while she figured it out. It was selfish and she wanted to go home and be miserable in peace. “No.”

            “Then why are you leaving? I thought we were having fun.” He nibbled at his bottom lip, trying to undo whatever it was that he could have done.

            Brandon was kicking people out so he could close up. He yelled across the bar to Steve and Autumn. “You two wanna ride with me?”

            “Yes!” Steve answered for her. “We’ll ride with you.”

            “Steve.”

            “Autumn.” He lightly punched her on the shoulder. “Live a little.”

            She gave him a half-hearted smile. She hated him so much. So much because she didn’t hate him at all.

 

            Autumn waited in the parking lot with Steve for Brandon, Jessica, and Billy to finish up.

            Billy was the first out the door, he strolled up to the pair and slung his arm around Autumn. “Ride with me. We just gotta go pick up Leslie.”

            “I’m going with Brandon.”

            “No, come on.” He looked at Steve. “You can walk, Harrington.”

            She wriggled free from Billy’s grip. “I have a ride. I’ll catch you there, Hargrove.”

            Billy scowled at Steve. “Fine.” He got in his Camaro and tore out of the lot.

            “Jesus. He does not like you.”

            “Some things never change," Steve sighed, he didn't want to give Billy another thought.

            Brandon and Jessica locked up, a case of beer in each hand. “Let’s get moving, Party People!”

            Steve and Autumn came over to Brandon’s car and Autumn was sure Jessica would want to get in the back with Steve. They stood outside, waiting for Brandon to pop the locks, Steve sandwiched between Jessica and Autumn and Autumn ready to take a loss. Brandon reached over and popped the lock on the back driver’s side door. Steve opened it and Autumn watched Jessica squeeze closer to his back so she could get in behind him, but Steve stopped, opening up to Autumn and motioning for her to get inside first. He slid in immediately behind her. He was completely oblivious to Jessica, he just wanted to be close to Autumn. Jessica couldn’t believe how hard she had to try with this one and she limped around to the passenger side and got in next to Brandon.

            Brandon turned the engine over, cranked the stereo, and pulled out en route to the Quarry.

            Autumn knew she’d drank a lot, but it didn’t hit her just how much alcohol was coursing through her system until she was in a moving vehicle and she felt her head start to spin. Steve noticed her seasick expression and pulled her to his shoulder to rest her head. She went to protest, but instead, shut her eyes and breathed him in. He smelled really good, like expensive aftershave, hairspray, and rum. She couldn’t help herself as a contented purr travelled up her throat. They’d both heard it as she was nuzzling into his neck. He smiled. Her eyes popped open and she wanted to die. She moved and placed her cheek against the cool glass of the window and prayed he wouldn’t say anything. He didn’t. He let it slide.

            Jessica had watched the scene unfold in the rear view mirror and knew she didn’t stand a chance as Steve watched Autumn sleep.

*

            The Quarry was the party place for the after hours crowd. Anyone who was anyone would come down, park by the water, and let loose well into the early morning light. The usual suspects were the weary bar staff of the local establishments looking to let their hair down, the career partiers that needed to keep drinking after the bars closed, and whoever the hell else might stumble by looking for a good time. The party rarely got broken up because it only happened on weekends and the cops were too damn tired to bust everyone at three a.m.

            Autumn had started going when she started at Charlie’s a few months ago, but Steve had never been. 

            Brandon pulled up on the loose gravel and turned back to Steve and Autumn. Autumn had dozed off, face still pressed against the window. “Hey, Steve.”

            “Yeah?”

            “Don’t fucking let anything happen to her. Got it?”

            “I won’t.”

            “Good.” He passed him a beer and got out of the car. “Come on, Jess. Let’s go find Hargrove.”

            The party was just getting started, with more and more people showing up by the minute and Steve didn't want Autumn to miss it. Steve popped the cap on his beer and reached over to Autumn, lightly shaking her shoulder. “Hey.”

            She shot up. “Hey!”

            “You alright?”

            “I’m great!” She grabbed his beer and took a long pull. “Let’s go, Harrington.”

            “Maybe I should take that drink back.”

            She grabbed him by the front of his shirt, his nose brushing hers. “I said: let’s. Go. Harrington.”

            He moved to bring a hand to her face, but she was already letting go of his shirt and climbing out of the car. Thank God she hadn’t seen.

            He stumbled out of the back and looked for her in the sea of headlights. She had already disappeared through the yellow haze into the belly of the beast. “Fuck.”

            Steve pushed his way through the ever growing crowd and found her dancing with another girl he didn’t recognize in front of Billy’s Camaro, which was parked near the water. Autumn caught his eye and motioned for him to join her. He shook his head. He didn’t want to dance. And he didn’t much care for the way Billy was watching the girls from the hood of his car.

            She came over to him. “You’re real uptight, Steve.”

            “And you’re real drunk.”

            “Come on, come meet my friend, Leslie.”

            He stood firmly in place, he didn’t want to be stuck with Billy and his bullshit.

            “Dance with me.” She pouted. It was cute, but he wasn’t budging.

            “Autumn, I don’t want to dance. Why don’t we-“

            Billy came over to them. “If Harrington doesn’t want to dance, it’s his loss. Come here, Owens.” He pulled her close and herded her back towards the car, maintaining eye contact with Steve. “Enjoy the party, Amigo.”

            Steve huffed and walked the fifteen feet to the car, led by the fire and fury in his chest. He kept his eyes locked on the scene; Billy was all hands and as he squeezed Autumn’s ass and Steve watched her slap his face and Billy grab her wrist.

            “What the fuck, Autumn?” Billy growled, looming over her.

            “Let go of my wrist.” She tried tugging it free.

            He released it with enough force that she toppled backwards onto the ground.

            Steve closed the space between them and helped her up. “You alright?”

            “Yeah, I’m good.” She knocked the dirt off of her pants and glared past Steve at Billy.

            Billy gave Steve a shot in the back. “Are you gonna play hero tonight, Harrington?”

            Steve spun around, swallowing his fury. “I’m not going to fight you, Billy, but I think you should apologize to Autumn for being a pig all night.”

            Billy cracked his neck. Maybe Steve didn’t want to fight, but he sure as shit did. He pushed Steve, sending him stumbling backwards on the shale into the shallow water. Autumn watched in horror as he went down.

            “What in the fuck, Billy?” She shoved him and then waded into the water to help Steve to his feet. “Are you okay?”

            “I’m fine.” His words were laced with venom. He stared Billy down, but it was hard to look tough while he was drenched and shivering.

            Autumn rounded on Billy. “Give me your jacket!”

            “No," he scoffed.

            She shoved him again. “Now!”

            He shrugged it off, his jaw locked in rage.

            She draped it over Steve and they pushed through the crowd back to Brandon’s car.

            Autumn climbed in the backseat with Steve and she pushed his wet hair out of his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

            “Why are you sorry?”

            “Because of Billy.”

            “You should never have to apologize for Billy. Is your wrist okay?”

            “It’s fine.” Steve turned her wrist over in his hand, making doubly sure it was unscathed. He gently rubbed his thumb over the light blue veins that he could see so clearly under her soft skin. His thumb moved up her palm and before he could help himself he was lacing his fingers with hers. Time seemed to stop as they looked into each other’s eyes trying to tell each other that yes, they should lean in. He should kiss her. He should take his shaking hands and tangle them in her hair. She should straddle him and nibble at his neck. He should get her home and peel off her clothes. She should let him rock her fucking world. Before any of that happened, Brandon knocked on the window, jolting them back to reality.

            “You guys want a ride home?”

            Autumn needed a cold shower. “Yes, please.”

           

*

            The ride was nearly silent as Steve and Autumn sat in their own personal versions of hell. Steve was concerned with how badly he wanted her while Autumn was terrified that she'd happily crawl into his lap if the opportunity arose even though she was still committed to disliking him. She was doing a terrible job.

            Brandon pulled up in front of Steve’s first. Steve didn’t want the night to end like this and he turned to Autumn. “Do you want to come up? Like, just to hang out?”

            “Yes,” it tumbled out with absolute certainty. “Billy is probably at my place anyway, so I don’t want to go home.” She tried to douse the flame that was her eagerness to be alone with Steve.

            Brandon was sitting in the front seat trying not to laugh. He couldn’t believe how obvious and embarrassing these two were pretending not to want each other as badly as they so transparently did. He’d watched them fall all over themselves all night long for each other. He watched Steve bite his lip every time she talked. He watched her shiver every time he’d brushed past her. He thought he’d help things along. “Autumn, in or out? I gotta go.”

            “I’m going to come up.” She paused. “To hang out.” Steve's heart nearly leapt out of his chest, he was winning her over.

            “Alright, kids. Have a good night.”

            Steve unlocked the door and motioned for her to step inside. “I’ll go find you some sweats, since your pants are wet and all.”

            “Thanks.”

            He disappeared down the hall to find them dry clothes, leaving her to take in his apartment. He may have lived on her side of town, but his neatly kept apartment full of leather furniture screamed Loch Nora. His TV was bigger than hers, his VCR was newer, and his place even smelled more expensive. Suddenly, she remembered how different they were. She bet all of his plates and cups matched. Curiosity got the best of her as she tiptoed to the kitchen to check. They did. She’d hoped to find at least one shelf of mismatched mugs, but no dice. This wasn’t the boy for her. She debated slipping out the door before he returned, but it was too late as she heard him coming down the hallway.

            He was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, holding a pair basketball shorts. “I’m sorry, I need to do laundry. Are these okay?”

            “These are fine. Thanks.”

            “Bathroom is down the hall to the left.”

            She nodded, taking the shorts from his hand.

            He watched her wander down the hall and shut the door. He nervously ran a hand through his still damp hair. They’d both had too much to drink. This isn’t how he wanted to woo her. He was going to be a perfect gentleman, even if it killed him.

            Autumn wasn’t surprised to see that Steve's bathroom was also immaculately kept. It was brimming with products and his hand towels matched the bathmat. Her eyes fell on his hairspray and she giggled to herself, no wonder he had such a killer 'do.

            She spotted the aftershave and popped the cap off, taking a whiff. It was incredible. Maybe she didn’t care if he was all wrong for her. At least, she didn’t care right now.

            As she pulled on his shorts, she looked to her jeans crumpled on his floor and she started to panic. There was no world she imagined her clothes tossed on the floor of Steve Harrington’s apartment and she reminded herself to keep her distance, even if it killed her.

            She hung her jeans over the shower rod to dry and padded back to the living room.

            He was sitting on the couch, he’d placed two glasses of water on the coffee table. She noticed and appreciated that he used coasters.

            “Anything you wanna watch?” he asked.

            “Your apartment, you pick.” She knew she should settle on the opposite end of the couch, but her drink was placed much closer to where he was currently perched.

            He got up and went over to his entertainment stand to peruse his movies. This made her seating choice easier. She sat near the middle because try as she might, she was still too drunk to stop herself from wanting to be close. So much for her principles.

            He stood up and popped in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

            “I love this movie.” She smiled as he flopped down next to her.

            “Me too.” He stretched his arm over the couch behind her. She didn’t mind. Instead of fighting it, she laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes. She heard his heartbeat quicken and it comforted her. “Do you mind if I sleep?”

            He whispered, “go ahead.”

            She buried her face into his shirt and started to drift off. “Goodnight, Steve.”

            Steve was panicking. Suddenly he wanted to keep her, for as long as possible. He curled his arm around her and lightly pet her shoulder. He knew she would never be his, but he still pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Goodnight, Autumn.”


	6. Hey, Is This a Bad Time

The only thing Steve had set out to do when he left his apartment earlier that day was find someone to hold. That and see Autumn. Now she was cuddled up against him and he was overwhelmed by how sweet she was when she was sleeping. She couldn’t give him shit if she was unconscious. His hand hovered over her cheek for a moment before he lightly ghosted it with his fingertips. She was so small. His feelings were too big.

            Steve was too much. Always. And he knew he’d drive this one away immediately. She was colder than the others. She wouldn’t want him. But right now, while her breathing slowed and her head rested heavy against his chest, he could pretend. For this fleeting moment someone wanted to be held by him. Someone felt safe laying against him. He was enough.

            He tried to relax, but as his heart pounded in his chest, and he couldn’t ignore her. What was going to happen when the sun came up? It was already starting to climb above the horizon. What was going to happen when she realized she’d drank enough to come up to his apartment? She’d leave and she’d be icier than ever. There was nothing he could do to stop it. He needed to save himself right now.

            He gently scooped her up and carried her towards his bedroom. She shifted in his arms and reached up to curl her fingers into the collar of his shirt. He held her tighter and she drifted back to sleep immediately.

            Steve set her on the bed and pulled a blanket over her. While he was tucking her in she peeked up at him. “Steve?”

            He kneeled to her level. “Yeah?”

            She reached out and lightly petted the bridge of his nose. “You’re really handsome.”

            “Thanks. You’re really pretty.” He brushed the hair out of her face and stood.

            “Where are you going?” she peeped and grabbed his hand.

            “To get you a glass of water.”

            “Okay.” She closed her eyes once again, letting go.

            By the time he made it to the kitchen he was a mess. He wanted her so bad he thought he was going to be sick. He didn’t even want to sleep with her, he just wanted to sleep next to her. He gripped the kitchen counter and told himself he’d feel better in the morning.

            After chugging a glass of water, he poured Autumn a fresh one and quietly returned to the bedroom. He set it on the night stand and watched her sleep peacefully for a moment before reaching over her to grab a pillow.

            He snuck out of the bedroom, carefully closing the door behind him, and tossed his pillow on the couch. He threw himself down on the sofa, exhaled a measured sigh, and stared at the ceiling until sleep, finally showing him mercy, took him.

 

*

            Autumn rolled over, expecting her back to touch her wall, but it didn’t, and her leg hung off the bed. That and these sheets were too soft. This wasn’t her bed. She snapped up and looked around. This wasn’t her bedroom. It all hit her at once: the video store, drinks, the Quarry, Billy, Steve. Steve. This was Steve’s room. Did they sleep together? She lifted up the blankets to make sure she was fully dressed. She was still wearing his shorts, but she was dressed.

            She listened for a moment, the apartment was quiet. Her head was swimming, her hangover was nigh. She found the water on the bedside table and finished it. She needed to get out of here. Now.

            She tiptoed into the bathroom and found her jeans. After she pulled them on she folded Steve's shorts and left them on the bathroom counter. All she had to do now was make it to the door. She had no idea where Steve was, but she hoped he wouldn’t spot her.

            She crept down the hallway, the front door in sight. The living room was approaching on her left and she turned to look: there he was, dead asleep on the couch.

            She was relieved to see that he’d slept out here. She stood for a moment, watching him sleep. He was restless, his hair was wild, his brow was knit. There was a pause when she debated waking him up and getting him to bed, but it was too risky. He might pull her under the covers and convince her to make the mistake she almost made last night. Instead she pulled on her shoes and quietly slipped out the front door.

            Despite how gingerly she’d closed it, the door clicked and Steve woke up. He knew before he got to the bedroom that she was gone.

*

            Autumn was no stranger to the walk of shame, but this felt much different. Instead of running away from something she knew she didn’t want, she was walking away from something she was terrified she did.

            Steve had been driving her absolutely insane for the last two days, but he’d been good. He’d been funny. He’d been considerate. He’d been tender. He’d also been persistent, vain, and obnoxious. If she gave in she’d be just another girl that fell for his bullshit. She remembered every crooked grin he’d shot every girl in school. It usually worked, too. She wasn’t going to be one of those girls. She didn’t care that high school was three years ago, she didn’t care that Steve had changed from when he was seventeen, she didn’t care. She couldn’t care.

            The thing is, she cared an awful lot.

            Luckily, when she reached her lawn, she didn’t see Billy’s car parked at the curb. She crept inside, it looked like Jess wasn’t home either. It was likely she was at Billy’s for a change and that meant Autumn could wrestle her feelings in peace without the third degree about where she'd been. 

            Autumn shut the bathroom door, peeled off her clothes, and stepped in the shower. She’d hoped the water would wash away yesterday’s lingering fears and feelings. Instead, she started thinking about Steve sitting across from her in the booth. Her thoughts travelled to his mouth as her hand travelled between her thighs. She thought about it grinning, about it talking, about it pressed against her skin. Her fingers danced as she thought about what his mouth might get up to between her legs. He couldn’t say anything stupid with his tongue running over her clit. She hated herself as she got wetter at the thought of him climbing on top of her and sliding inside. She bet he was good in bed. She was getting closer to the edge as she imagined him pounding into her until she was screaming his name. Her legs began to shake as she thought about what he must look like when he came. She steadied herself with her free hand as she climaxed to his face. Reality washed over her while she gasped for air. _Oh no._ He’d gotten to her in the worst way. She wanted him bad.

            “Fuck.”           

 

            Steve had crawled into bed, but he couldn’t fall back asleep. His pillow smelled like Autumn and it was driving him insane. He should have kissed her. No, he should have stayed home yesterday. He should have left the bar two nights ago. He should have returned his fucking tapes on time.

           

*

            Steve had tried to stop himself at least four times before he’d left his apartment. He told himself not walk to her house and knock on her door. And the last thing he should be doing is smiling in her grouchy face. He told himself this, but it was too late.

            “Steve?” Autumn was ready to enjoy her day off nursing her hangover in sweatpants, avoiding sunshine, and certainly avoiding Steve. She felt like shit and she really didn’t want him to be standing in her doorway.

            “Hey, is this a bad time?”

            She couldn’t stop watching his mouth. He should go.

            “Yes.”

            He didn’t expect her to disarm him so quickly. “Oh. Okay. I was in the neighbourhood, but I’ll...leave?”

            She rolled her eyes, moved, and motioned for him to step inside. “Aren’t you always in the neighbourhood?”

            “Technically. But I thought maybe you’d be as hungover as me and could use, like, lunch or something?”

            “I’m in my pyjamas. I want to lay on my couch and die.”

            “That’s cool.” He looked around her place. It was tidy, homey, and quaint. The throw pillows didn’t match, the paint was old, the furniture was second-hand, and he loved it.

            He never told anyone, but he used to ride his bike as far away from his neighbourhood as possible. He would ride past the bungalows without driveways and see families through the window sitting around humble kitchen tables, looking much happier than his parents. He wondered what it was like to have friends who wanted to run through the sprinkler, instead of kids who wanted to use him for his pool. He wondered what it was like to have a pet, because his parents certainly liked the furniture more than the idea of a dog. He used to imagine having his friends over to a place without having to remind them not to touch anything. He used to wish for a little more mess. A touch of disarray.

            Now he was standing on Autumn's threadbare carpet and he couldn’t be more charmed.

            She moved to the kitchen, it was open and overlooked the living room. “You want something to drink?”

            He came up behind her, much too close, as she dug around in the fridge. She stood, two Cokes in hand, and felt his breath fan the back of her neck. She was going to lose this fight if she turned around. He took a step closer, sliding a hand around her waist, and dropping his mouth to her neck. He couldn’t take it anymore and he started kissing his way to her ear.

            “I want you so fucking bad,” he whispered.

            She dropped the cans and put a hand on the fridge to steady herself. If she faced him she was done for, but she let herself lean back against him and her hand snake behind her into his hair as he nibbled at her earlobe. She could feel his erection pressing against her. He slid a hand under her t-shirt and splayed his hand on her stomach, slowly curling his fingers into her skin. Her flesh goose-bumped under his touch. “Steve-“

            The front door was creaking open, he stepped back, and they spun to face it.

            Jessica was home and Autumn wasn’t sure if she was ecstatic or devastated.

            “Hi, guys.” Jessica could feel the electricity in the kitchen and she tried not to smile as she picked a can of Coke up off the floor, cracking it open.

            “Hey. Did you come home last night?” Autumn panted, face painted crimson.

            “Nope.” She was vibrating with excitement. Sure, she’d wanted to bed Steve last night, but hell, gossip was nearly as fun. “Guess you mustn’t have been home to know that.” She took an obnoxiously loud sip of her drink.

            Autumn blanched. She needed this to be over. “Do you want to go do something? Steve was just leaving.”

            “I was?”

            “Yep!” Autumn started shoving him towards the door. “Nice to see you again. Have a nice day.”

            “Wait-“ He tried to dig his heels in, but she was determined.

            “Goodbye.” She pushed him onto the stoop.

            “Autumn-“ The door slammed in his face.

            She exhaled and came back to the kitchen. Jessica was still standing there, grinning like an idiot. “You guys slept together, didn’t you?”

            “No!”

            Jessica deflated. “Well, you’re gonna.”

 

            For the second time in two days Steve stood on Autumn’s lawn with his mouth open and his dick erect. “What the fuck just happened?”

            He stared at her door for a beat, debating whether or not to knock again. His heart nor his penis was going to win this time and he crossed the lawn, heading home.

 

*

            Autumn snuggled on the couch, sleepily watching TV, and tried to keep her mind off of the dirty things she wished Steve would have had the chance to do to her. She needed to get laid. Soon.

            Her mood dropped to a new low as she heard Billy’s car pulling up at the curb.

            “Jessica! Come deal with Hargrove!”

            Jessica called from the bathroom, “He said he was coming to see you, so he’s your problem!”

            For a permanent fixture of their household, it was astounding how often both Jess and Autumn tried to pass the responsibility of giving a shit about Billy to one another.

            “Christ.” Autumn muttered, pulling her blanket up to her nose.

            Billy let himself in and found Autumn on the couch. He sat in the armchair beside the couch, for once keeping his distance. “Autumn?”

            “What do you want Billy?” She didn’t bother lifting her head to look at him.

            “To apologize.”

            “Did hell freeze over?”

            He came over to her. “Can I sit?”

            Autumn was amazed that he asked. She sat up, making room for him. She was visibly irate, but unfortunately, she was willing to hear what he had to say.

            He sat down, keeping his distance. “I’m sorry for last night.”

            “Which parts?”

            “All of it.”

            “Be specific.”

            He scowled. Autumn thought she was closed off, but she had nothing on Billy. He felt he’d been vulnerable enough for the next decade, but he begrudgingly carried on. “For grabbing your ass and for knocking you down. It was shitty and I’m sorry.”

            Autumn wasn’t stupid, she knew the type of person Billy was. His temper had a hair-trigger, he was emotionally unstable, and he was dancing the razor’s edge of dangerous. She knew he was the type of man you didn’t date, because he was always one drink away from hitting his feelings. Billy Hargrove wasn’t a good person. But Billy Hargrove had bounced much worse people out of the bar on her behalf. Billy had gotten her the job in the first place. Billy had held her hair while she puked. He’d gotten her home. He’d put her to bed. He’d held her while she cried. It didn’t make him a good man, but it made him a half-decent friend. These things didn’t excuse his behaviour either, but she wasn’t scared of Billy. She knew he was bad news, but he’d told her more than once he’d take a bullet for her and he’d meant it.

            Autumn was the first person Billy came out to and the only person to hold him while he cried about it. She knew his home life had been terrible and she knew he’d lived with nearly two decades of secrets and shame. She was his safe place to land when his dad kicked him out after beating him senseless when he’d found Billy kissing a man. She was the first person to look him in the eye and tell him it was going to be okay. 

            He needed her to accept his apology. His thousandth apology. He’d copped a feel too many times for it to be forgiven, but he’d spent the last year trying to keep her safe in his own fucked up way that she always accepted.

            He loved her. It wasn’t romantic. He just loved her. And he hated Steve. He hated Steve so much and he didn’t want him around the person he loved the most.

            “What about Steve?”

            His face twisted. “What about Steve?”

            “Are you sorry for what you did to him?”

            “Why would I be? He’s a stupid little prick.” He took in the room. “He’s not here is he?”

            “No.”

            “Autumn, I fucking hate that guy. I’m not going to apologize for knocking his sad ass into some water. He’s a big boy, he can deal with it.”

            “Billy, you’re going to apologize. You acted like a lunatic all night long and you took it out on him.”

            “He’s not good enough for you.”

            “And you are?” It wasn't until he'd said this that she realized she wasn't denying her attraction to him. She was betraying herself and now she was going to have to avoid Steve forever if she could. 

            “Certainly not. But please Autumn, don’t fuck that guy. He sucks.” He grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. “Can you stop being pissed at me now?”

            “No.” She wrapped her arms around him.

            “Good enough.” He let go and she tossed her pillow in his lap, resting her head on his legs. “Autumn?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Where’s my jacket?”

            “Goddammit!”

 


	7. Stop Fighting It

            Autumn knew she’d forgotten something and she started her journey to Steve’s apartment. She had taken the time to look as cute as possible, not because she wanted anything to happen. Quite the opposite. She wanted to watch him twist after the shit he pulled in her kitchen. He was never getting his hands on her again. His big, warm, rough hands. No, they wouldn’t be gripping at her arms or curling gently around her throat.

            She was making a mistake. On top of the mistake of wearing a dress. She’d expected it to be hot out, but the sky was overcast, and it looked like it wanted to rain. She hurried to his place.

            She knocked on Steve's door and after a brief moment alone with her pining, he swung open the door, perplexed. “Couldn’t get enough?” he teased.

            “Keep your hands to yourself, Harrington. I’m here for Billy’s jacket.”

            “I figured as much. Come in.”

            She didn’t budge. “I’ll wait here.”

            He smirked and she hated that he looked so good with trouble curling at his lips. “Afraid you can’t resist temptation?”

            “Afraid I’ll stab you. Go get the jacket.”

            “You’re an impossible girl.”

            “Maybe you’re not as charming as you think.”

            “I am, but that’s a neat theory. Wanna hear mine?”

            She decided she’d play along. “Shoot.”

            “I think you’re scared that you might like me too much. Probably because I’m so handsome.”

            “And so humble. Do I have to come in and get the fucking coat myself?”

            “If you can handle it.” She wanted to wipe the stupid grin off of his face.

            She pushed past him. “Where is it?”

            He pointed to the coat rack beside him.

            “You couldn’t hand this to me? You’re an idiot.” She tore it off the rack and shrugged it on.

            “And you are so cute when you’re mad.” He was laying it on thick because he was secretly terrified she'd leave. “Wanna go for lunch?”

            “No, Steve, I don’t.” She stepped out of his apartment.

            “Autumn.” The way he said her name made her stop.

            “What?”

            He didn’t know what he wanted, but he knew he didn’t want her to leave. He felt even more pathetic than he sounded. “Please?”

            She sighed, giving in to his glossy eyes and drooping bangs. “You’re buying.”

 

*

            Steve had left his car parked at Charlie’s last night, so he and Autumn walked in the cool breeze to go get it.

            “You look really pretty, by the way," he told her. She didn’t respond. “I know you’re still really caught up pretending you don’t have a huge crush on me, but I had a nice time last night.”

            She wanted to give in, but she couldn’t. No matter how handsome and sweet he was.

            Autumn Owens was scared. She was used to men looking at her like she was going to solve all their problems, like she was the answer to a question they never bothered to ask. They found her fascinating and projected their bullshit onto her without even bothering to really know her. She was tired of being a canvas for broken men to spill themselves onto. And she could tell Steve was broken.

            When she would let someone know her, they’d quickly realize she was sensitive, emotional, and real. She loved too much when she let herself. And that had driven every single scared, ill-equipped boy away. She wasn’t just the cool girl that let them fuck her in the cooler after close, she was the girl that expected they call when they said they were going to. She was the girl that hoped maybe this time she wouldn’t get stood up. Maybe this time he’d bring flowers. He’d ask her about her day. He’d tell her he loved her, too. But it never came. It was easier to keep them all at arm’s length and stop hoping one of them would want all of her.

            Steve wouldn’t be an exception. He looked at her like all of them had and it killed her. He could have been so good. So she kept her defenses up and stared at her feet as they walked. “Um, Steve, can we please not do this?”

            It wasn’t biting, it was small, and it was desperate. He felt how much it mattered that he quit trying. It really hurt, but he wasn’t going to win her over and she was begging him to let it go. He had been waiting for the blow, but he hadn’t expected it to be nearly as devastating.

            He hated himself all over again. He pushed too much, too quickly, and he, as he’d predicted, pushed her away quicker than any of the others. It had only been two days, but he’d really let himself get tangled up with this one. He could tell she wasn’t easy to get close to and that’s all he fucking wanted. He wanted to know why she didn’t like him and he wanted to know why she didn’t like herself. Her insecurity was obvious to him now, but he’d never met anyone so good. Every time he’d looked at her when she didn’t know she was being watched he’d seen it. He’d seen this incredible spark. This feisty little creature, that acted so tough, looked at everything with wonder and hope when no one was looking. He caught her looking at him like that last night when he held her hand in Brandon’s car. He’d never felt that way in anyone else’s eyes. He’d give anything to have stayed in that moment. To see someone look at him like that again. To see her look at him like that again. It made him feel, for the first time in years, like someone could want all of him.

            “Yeah. Sure. I’m sorry.” He swallowed the lump in his throat.

            “It’s okay.”

            They walked in silence for a few minutes. “Autumn?”

            “Yeah?”

            He didn’t know why he was going to settle for less, but he wasn’t ready to let her get away. “I just like hanging out with you. Is that okay?”

            It really was. “Yeah,” she whispered, “yeah.”

            “Friends?”

            “Friends.”

 *

            The two had grabbed take out and Steve pulled up at the Quarry. Since the sky was threatening to rain and the air was chilly, the water wasn’t swarming with people swimming, instead it was desolate and gloomy. Much like the thunder rolling in Steve's heart.

            They sat on the hood of his car and Steve did his best to keep making her laugh. He loved the sound of it. She laughed so big and embarrassingly, not at all how he’d ever expected her to sound. When she laughed she couldn’t pretend to be anything other than happy and if making her laugh was making her happy, then he’d try to do whatever it took to keep her rolling.

            Autumn had been doing her best not to know him, but now it was too late. She’d seen enough to know she wanted to keep him around, whether or not he was insecure, shattered, and messy. If something was broken she had to fix it, but it didn’t mean she’d have to give it her heart.

            The last few days had taught her that this wasn’t the same boy from high school. This was a boy that needed someone in his corner. She wasn’t going to date him, but she meant it when she said she’d be his friend. She took a swig of her drink and decided to jump into his tragic backstory.

            She shoved a French fry in her mouth and chewed around her words. “Why do you work for your dad?”

            “Because my life is really depressing,” he said it with a chuckle in his voice, feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t want do this.

            “I always thought you’d go play basketball at some big university.”

            “I wasn’t smart enough.”

            “You were just lazy.”

            “That’s mean.” He crumpled the wrapper of his finished burger and tossed it in the bag at his feet. “But probably true.”

            “You weren’t stupid, Steve. You just never had to apply yourself.”

            He frowned at her. “What do you mean?”

            “Rich, handsome, athletic. No one told you ‘no’, so when you had to try you didn’t know how.” She passed him her garbage and he dropped it in the bag.

            He shrugged. “Can’t argue, but I’m paying for it now.”

            “You’re going to be fine.”

            The thought had never crossed his mind, but hearing her say it made him feel like it had to be true. “Why’s that?”

            “I don’t know you that well, but I know that you’re tenacious and charming and that’ll get you real far. That and you’re capable of change.” She bumped into him with her shoulder. “You’re going to be just fine.”

            He squeezed her knee to acknowledge how much he appreciated what she’d said. “What about you? Why are you still here?”

            “Because I’m broke.”

            “Money isn’t everything.”

            “That’s something only rich people say.” She knew this from experience. No one who had nothing ever tried to spoon feed her that bullshit. “You can’t get far with nothing in your pocket.”

            “I’ll trade you.”

            Oh no, she’d misjudged him. “Really? You want to trade all of your opportunities you squandered so you can slum it with the ‘real folk’? You fucking brat.”

            He gaped at her, not realizing half of her anger had nothing to do with him. He'd struck that secret, shameful nerve again. “What the hell is your problem?”

            “You! You’re my problem! That’s great that your dad sucks, Steve. But don’t you dare try to tell me that being handed everything wasn’t awesome. If I’d had half, hell, a quarter of what you’d had I’d be so far away from here.”

            “Well, you didn’t and both of us could sit here and say all the things we could have done if only life had been different! If I would have been a quarter as smart as you I could have gone to college and wasted more of my father’s money.”

            “You’re just as spoiled as I thought you were.”    

            He stood, facing her, seething and worse, wanting. “And you’re just as mean. You know what your real problem is?”

            “What?”

            “That if you left you might have to be vulnerable for a fucking second and that would kill you instantly.”

            “Fuck you, _Steven_.” She’d said it on purpose and he hated her all over again, but he knew she did it because he was right. 

            He’d had enough of her goddamn mouth as he collided his own against it. She didn’t have time to think as she parted her lips, inviting his tongue inside. He obliged, kissing her deeply and furiously. There was hunger in the way he pulled her closer and they could both feel it. She tangled her hands in his hair and tugged it roughly. He let out a low growl and pushed her down on the hood of his car, letting his hands roam all over her body.

            She curled her legs around his waist, rubbing against the sizeable bulge in his jeans. She couldn’t believe herself. She couldn’t believe how badly she wanted him inside of her. She tugged at his belt as he slowly snaked a hand down her chest, her stomach, and then up her thigh. She shivered under his touch. She’d done a terrible job of keeping his hands off of her. He began to pet the warmth between her legs and he could feel the dampness seeping through the soft fabric of her panties. He trickled his fingers along the hemline, pulling them aside at the leg and then slowly, he inserted two fingers. Her breath caught in her throat and she made a mental note to hate herself later. He looked down at her, grinning like a demon as he forced the top of her dress down and took one of her breasts in his mouth. He continued to slowly pump his fingers into her wetness. She whimpered, she fucking needed this.

            He tore off her underwear and shoved them in his back pocket. Then he dropped to his knees, hooking his hands on her calves, and pulled her to the edge of the hood. He pushed her knees open wide and nuzzled his face between her legs. He gripped greedily into her thighs and took his time kissing her plump lips. She could only see the top of his head over her dress tenting at her knees, so she pulled the hem down and caught his eye. He winked at her as he took a long lick of her sweet spot.

            “Holy fuck.” She tugged at his hair, leading the way. He already knew it.

            Steve loved to take his time when he went down on a girl. He was good at it and he wasn’t shy about it; if his partner was, she wouldn’t be by the time he was done with them. He was insatiable once he'd gotten a taste. He lapped at her core as he rubbed his nose on her clit and she gasped. He lifted his head and held her gaze as he popped two fingers in his mouth to wet them. She bit her lip in anticipation. He slid them back inside, pulsing on her g-spot, and focusing his tongue on her clit, spelling his name so she wouldn't forget. She just about lost her fucking mind.

            “Steve-“

            “Mhmmm.”

            “Steve, get up here and fuck me right now.”

            She’d never seen anyone jump up so fast. She unbuckled his belt and pulled his boxers down, revealing his thick, impressive cock. His erection was tight, revealing every vein on its throbbing topography, and it ticked in anticipation. 

            “Wow.”

            “Thanks.” He smiled before he thrust into her. She so was wet, she so was ready.

            An embarrassing gurgle escaped her throat as she shifted to accommodate his size. Goddamn, she would have cheered his name at the games too, had she known what he was concealing in those little basketball shorts.

            “You okay?” he whispered, dipping into her slowly, enjoying the feeling of her velvet walls expanding to greet him.

            “Yeah, definitely. Don’t stop,” she breathed, pulling him closer as he hiccuped his hips to meet her depth.

            The reality was that if he were to stop it would be so much worse than letting herself have what she felt was about to be the best orgasm she’d had outside of her shower in a very long time.

            Her hands frantically gripped at the back of his t-shirt while he nibbled at her neck. He pounded into her relentlessly, finally getting the chance to show her who was boss. He couldn’t wait to feel her cum against him. She’d be furious as her eyes rolled back in her head from his doing and she’d tear him to shreds later, but right now, as he filled her over and over, he could revel in his ability to satisfy her.

            That and she felt amazing. The way she tightened around his cock, the way she rocked her hips into him, the softness of her skin, the plumpness of her thighs wrapped around his waist, it was all too good. He was in heaven.

            He watched her mouth, it was whispering his name. His heart was going to lose this battle.

            “You want me to keep going?” He needed her to say it. He needed to know how badly she wanted him.

            “Oh my God, Harrington. Holy shit. Yes,” she moaned, filling The Quarry with her pleading.

            “You sure?” He ceased for a moment.

            “Yes!”

            She had to use a hand to steady herself on the hood as he resumed filling her. The sex was hungry and passionate and she couldn’t believe his name was coming out of her mouth as her stomach began to tighten. Her toes curled inside her shoes as her other hand was curling against the back of his neck. She dug her nails in deep, deep enough that he returned the sentiment with a love bite on her neck. She grabbed him by the hair at the scruff of his neck and forced him to look her in the eye. She looked wild. Wild and raw. He looked so proud of himself. For a brief second she saw adoration flash behind his eyes and she had to look away. But he reached forward, grabbing her chin, and turned her face back to his. They stared into each other’s eyes as she began to quake under him. It was a fleeting moment, but he saw her look at him the same way she had last night. Steve was a goner.

            “Cum for me, Autumn.” It was like she was hearing someone say her name for the first time. It had never sounded better. He said it like he could love her in all the ways she couldn’t love herself.

            Her breath started escaping in little chirps and moans and it was driving him wild.

            “Stop fighting it. Cum for me.”

            She pulled his face to hers, kissing him hard. She couldn’t have enough of him. He pressed deeper. Slower. Harder. She threw her head back and dug her fingers into his arms. He winced, it hurt, but it was worth it.

            “Say my name.” He needed this.

            His name rattled in her throat as she shook under him. She desperately clawed at his arms and back, she didn’t want this to end. Her body twitched and she screamed, riding the waves of pleasure crashing over her body.

            Watching her cum was mesmerizing. He was done for. He was so close to the edge and she could tell by his stilted breathing.

            “Autumn, I...I, uh-“

            “Go ahead," she purred.

            He placed his hands on the hood and erupted inside of her, throwing his head back to howl her name, and then he collapsed to her chest.

            Before she could stop herself, her hand travelled up his back and she laced her fingers in his hair. It was too intimate, she moved it immediately.

            “Jesus,” he muttered against her skin. He propped himself up and smiled down at her. He liked her an awful lot.

            She didn’t realize just how big she was smiling back up at him until he said, “You’re beautiful.”

            Reality swarmed her as he moved to kiss her. She turned her cheek to him.

            He stopped himself and tried to let it go, but it stung.

            “Can I get a lift home?”

            He backed up, rejection washing over his once hopeful expression. He buckled up his pants, trying to mask his disappointment. "Yeah. Of course.”

            She slid off the hood of his BMW and he watched her walk to the passenger side.

            She felt him dripping down her leg and with that the internal monologue of self-loathing began. She just gave Steve Harrington everything. She was just another girl that didn’t say ‘no’.

            He got in and reached over, popping the lock on her side. She slunk in and he stared at her, a pathetic curl dancing at the corner of his mouth.

            She clipped her seatbelt and turned to him, he lit up. She noted how he looked like a puppy expecting a treat and it shattered her heart. She reached over and ruffled his hair. “Drive, Steve.”

            They drove the short distance to her place in relative silence, save for the radio. He debated being foolish enough to ask her on a date or to just talk, she needed to know how he felt. She debated rolling out of the car and saving herself.

            He pulled up to the curb, moving to say something, but she was already climbing out before the car had even had a chance to come to a full stop. He hurried out of the driver’s seat, leaning on the roof, and he called after her as she crossed the lawn. “Autumn!”

            “I gotta go!” She spun to face him, walking backwards as she went, “But thanks for the ride.” She smiled. “Both of them!” She turned back around and hustled to her door.


	8. Girls Like You

             Steve wanted to rush after her, but Billy’s car was parked out front and there was no chance in hell he was going to have this conversation with Hargrove in earshot. So he steadied his silly little heart and drove away; confused, pining, and terrified.

                       Once inside Autumn found Billy lounging in the armchair, watching television. Jessica was at work, so Billy was just hanging out, enjoying free cable. He looked at her disapprovingly as he puffed a cigarette. “And where have you been all afternoon, young lady?”

            She crawled onto his lap and he rubbed a comforting hand on her back as he looked passed her to continue watching TV. He tamped out his cigarette in the ashtray resting on the arm of the chair and then pet her hair.

            Autumn didn’t know what she needed right now. But she did need a friend. Just a friend. Billy wasn’t that, but he was the closest thing to it. She’d found comfort in his arms through many bad boyfriends and terrible hook-ups. Steve was different and she knew it, but she desperately wanted to be held by someone that didn’t come with a price-tag. Billy was as close to free as she was going to get.

            “Autumn,” his tone was accusatory.

            “What?” she grumbled into his shirt.

            “You didn’t pull up in Harrington’s car did you?”

            “No.”

            “Owens...”

            “Technically, I didn’t. He did.”

            Billy wasn’t amused. He grabbed her shoulder and stared her down. “You didn’t fuck him, did you?”

            She looked up at him sheepishly. “Technically, he fucked me.”

            Billy locked his jaw and tensed his shoulders, pulling her closer, like Steve was going to climb in the window and steal her away. “I’m going to snap his goddamn neck.”

            “You are not. He’s a nice guy and it was a one time thing.”

            “If he hurts you, I swear to God, it’ll be the last thing he ever does.”

            Billy suddenly felt very lost. If Harrington took Autumn from him he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. He’d be the casualty in their relationship. He’d seen Steve with girls, he was a suffocating force that loved the shit out of them; he’d never leave her side. Billy would be done. This couldn’t happen.

            “Calm down, Meathead. You’re going to leave him alone.”

            He wasn’t going to argue with her, instead he was going to try and keep her close. That and find a way to keep Steve as far away as possible. There was no way he was going to be setting a foot back in Charlie’s.

            Billy knew that Autumn was deep in post-hook up regret as she trembled against his chest. He was chafed that this was because of Steve, but he wanted his best friend to feel better. He knew what to do.

            “Do you want me to make you a grilled cheese?”

            “Yes, please,” she mumbled against his chest.

            “Come on then, you goddamn dummy.” He tossed her over his shoulder and carried her towards the kitchen. Then it dawned on him. “Did you forget my fucking coat again?”

 

            Steve promptly laid face down on his couch and groaned into the cushions for what felt like a century. Of all the girls he’d slept with, Autumn was the first to climb out of a moving vehicle to get away from him. This one was going to destroy him if he didn’t stay the hell away from her.

            Rolling over and staring at the cobwebs hanging the corner of the ceiling, Steve considered how hard it was going to be to avoid her. Not because he needed to rent movies or drink at Charlie’s, but because he needed to be around her. He needed to watch her watch the world with her secret doe-eyed wonder. He hoped he’d have the chance to kiss her again, this time soft and sweet. But above everything else, he wanted to apologize; she’d wanted to be friends and he’d crossed the line nearly immediately. Not that he’d ever expected to be her friend. He knew from the first time her lips touched his ear at Victor’s the night of his birthday that he was going to have a problem with her. And his heart hadn’t stopped racing since.

            He’d had her, but he hadn’t had anything. He’d poured everything into her and she’d thrown up every defense he’d tried to fuck out of her.

            What else was he going to do? He’d been funny, he’d been sweet, he’d fallen all over himself for her. But he hadn’t tried any of his old tricks. What would he have done when he was in high school?

            He’d ignore her.

            He sat up, thinking he’d finally found the answer, like it hadn’t blown up in his face enough times for him to have learned his lesson.

            If he did nothing, she’d come running.

            A knock on his door startled him. He hadn’t expected it to work so fast.

            The knocking turned to pounding. “I’m coming.”

            He opened the door to find Billy scowling at him. “Jesus. What do you want?”

            “My goddamn coat, asshole.”

            “It’s in my car.” Steve grabbed his keys from a dish on an end table next to the door and the two walked over to his BMW. He could feel Billy’s eyes burning into him. Steve popped the lock and grabbed the jacket from the passenger seat where Autumn had forgotten it. He slammed the door and turned around, handing the coat to Billy. “Here’s your fucking jacket.”

            Billy pushed him up against the car. “Stay the fuck away from Autumn.”

            Steve kept his expression as even as possible as Billy backed up. Steve had finally taken something from his once threatening tormentor.

            The thing about Steve was that sometimes he was as stupid as people had suspected. This was about to be one of those times. “I’m sure she’ll be back for her underwear.”

            He didn’t even have time to blink before Billy clocked him in the face.

            Steve slid down the side of his car and held his bleeding nose in his hands.

            “You have yourself a good day, Harrington.” Billy shrugged on his jacket and walked away.

           

            Autumn was back in her sweats, taking advantage of her TV when Billy strolled back in. “You were nice, right?”

            “I’m always nice.”

            She noticed the blood on his knuckles and shot up. “What did you do?”

            “Next time maybe he’ll watch his goddamn mouth.”

           She hopped up, hustled to the door, and pulled on her sneakers. “Goddammit, Billy.”

            “Where are you going?” he barked as she brushed past him.

            “To clean up your mess, asshole. You better not be here when I get home.”

            He was furious that she'd run to Steve. “Try not to be so easy this time, hey?”

            “Fuck you!” She slammed the door on her way out.

 

            Blood dotted Steve’s bathroom counter, sink, and floor. He held a facecloth to his nose to try and stifle the bleeding when he heard another knock on the door. It was much daintier than the last. He knew it was Autumn.

            He considered letting her stew on the step, but he decided against it as the knocking continued. He opened the door, still bleeding and her expression twisted in horror.

            “Oh my God.” She reached forward, moving to touch his face. “Let me help you.”

            He took a step back. “You’ve already done enough.” He tilted his head back and headed back towards the bathroom. She followed along behind him.

            “I didn’t expect him to punch you.”

            He tossed the cloth in the sink and splashed water on his face. “Yeah, he’s usually so composed.”

            “I’m sorry.”

            “For what?”

            “I should have come for the jacket.” She passed him a towel to dry his face.

            “Yeah, well, I should have stayed home last night.”         

            It had stung a little. “I’m going to go get you some ice.”

            “Don’t bother. You were just leaving.”

            She gawked at him. “Don’t be an asshole.”

            He bore his eyes into her, he was livid. “What did you think was going to happen if Hargrove came over here? Maybe if you wouldn’t have left an excuse to bring more bullshit into my life in my goddamn car then we wouldn’t have to be having this conversation.”

            “Here’s a thought, maybe you should have kept your hands to yourself, pal.”

            “You’re right, I should have, because girls like you aren’t worth the trouble.” He’d only wanted to win the argument, but as he watched her face drop and her eyes gloss, he knew he’d lost so much more.

            “Girls like me,” she was so quiet, she said it to herself more than anything.

            He regretted it immediately and he was going to flounder to fix it. “I’m sorry.”

            He reached for her and she recoiled. A tear betrayed her and rolled down her cheek. His heart broke a little to see it.

            He tried again. “I’m so sorry.” He slipped a hand around her wrist.

            She tugged it away. “Don’t ever touch me again.” She hurried down the hallway towards the door.

            He chased after her. “Autumn, please. Wait. I didn’t mean it.”

            She stopped with her hand on the knob and turned to look back at him. She looked terrifyingly calm. “Boys like you are a dime a dozen. I’ll forget you by tomorrow.” She slammed his door so hard the clock on his kitchen wall bounced off the nail and hit the floor.

            “FUCK!” He pressed his back up against the wall in the hallway and slid to the floor.

 

            Billy’s car was gone by the time Autumn got back to her place and she thanked God for this small favour. She crashed inside, grateful to be alone to self-destruct.

            She knew better. She fucking knew better and now Steve had gotten his taste and threw her aside like she was trash. Like she was exactly how she feared he saw her. He hadn’t been different at all. No, he was worse. He’d tricked her.

            She crawled to the couch and sobbed, crying not for Steve, but for herself. If only she would have listened to her gut: he was a spoiled prick.

*

            Steve hadn’t moved from the hall. His face stung, but it was nothing compared to the pain in his chest. She’d never forgive him. He blew it.

            He was so completely ashamed of himself. From what little she had shared with him he knew better. He’d meant nothing by it, but he knew how it had sounded. Every fear she’d had about herself he threw in her face with a few careless words. No wonder she’d practically rolled out of the car, she was right about him.

            He pulled himself up off of the floor and prayed he could find the words to make it right. Maybe she wouldn’t absolve him of his guilt, but he could at least tell her how much more she deserved. She was too good for him and she had to know.

 

*

            The sun set and Autumn hadn’t moved from the couch. Her cheeks were raw from crying, her stomach was in knots, and her chest felt like she’d been kicked. A promise was made to never betray herself again.

            She heard a soft, apprehensive knock on her door and she thought there was no goddamn way Steve could be that stupid.

            He was.

            She opened the door, ready to fight. He saw her red cheeks and he had to stop himself from trying to touch her. “Autumn. I’m so sorry.”

            “You need to leave.”

            “Please.” She noticed he was shaking. “I just need to say one thing and then I’ll never bother you again. Please.”

            She didn’t say anything, but she made no further effort to push him away.

            “A girl like you is worth every ounce of trouble, because a girl like you deserves so much better than a boy like me. You are so much more than you think you are. You’re smart and kind and beautiful and sweet. And even if you weren’t, you deserved better than what I said.” He swallowed hard, taking one of her hands in both of his. He rubbed the top of it with his thumbs and continued. “I know I fucked up again and I know I’m not the one that will get to that little heart you keep locked up tight, but promise me whoever does never makes you feel, even for a second, like you are less than perfect the way you are.”

            She appreciated that this clumsy boy had spent all night searching for the words to apologize. He’d put an effort into something. Now that he’d atoned, she could at least forgive herself. If she didn’t make the same mistake twice. He could seek her forgiveness, but he’d never worm his way back into her bed or her heart.

            “Thank you.”

            He’d promised himself he wouldn’t ask for anything more, but as her hand slipped from his grip, he knew he was going to fail. “I know this is selfish, but can I get a do-over at being your friend?”

            “What?”

            “Hi, I’m Steve.” He extended his hand.

            A tiny smile crept over her lips as she accepted. “Autumn.”

            “Nice to meet you for the first time and not at all in high school and definitely not on the hood of my car earlier today.”

            She laughed, which made him feel worlds better.

            “Autumn, I fucked up so bad. I’m so goddamn sorry.”

            She put a finger to his lips. “Stop talking. Maybe you’ll get in less trouble.” She pulled him in for a hug. He held her tight, afraid to let go. He just wanted to keep her.

            She felt so safe wrapped in his arms, this was the most sincerely she’d been hugged by a man in years. In spite of herself, she liked him. But tonight she liked herself more, so she stepped out of the embrace. “Alright, it’s time for you to go home.”

            He shuffled his feet. “Yeah. Okay.” He backed up slowly and watched her as he started across the lawn. “Have a goodnight.”

            “Steve?”

            “Yeah?” He stopped.

            “I promise I’m not going to forget you by tomorrow.”

            It was all she could give right now, but he’d take it. He smiled, turned, and walked out of her sight.

            Every step he took from her yard was one step closer to falling completely.


	9. You Will

            Sunlight danced across Autumn’s room and as promised, she hadn’t forgotten the boy with the shaking palms that stood on her doorstep last night. It was quite the opposite, she remembered him in full colour: his soft lips, the freckles gathered on his left cheek that crept down his neck, the way his teeth rested against his bottom lip when he was nervous or excited, the swoopy bit of his hair that would fall over his eyes that he would thoughtlessly flip out of his sight. She couldn’t forget the way he always had to be doing something with his hands; he had to be touching, tearing, fiddling, holding. She thought about his hooded, chocolate eyes, and how no matter what he tried to keep tight to his chest, they’d give him away.

            She couldn’t keep him from her thoughts as she got ready for work. Making breakfast, she thought about him kissing her neck in the kitchen. Leaving her door, she remembered their first night standing on her lawn; her hand running down his chest, his excitement, her games. The streets were haunted. Steve was in every step. She passed the place he first tried to kiss her and wondered what would have happened if she would have let him. Would she have softened? Would she have avoided him afterwards? Most likely. But now the chance to do so was long gone.

            Autumn tried to concentrate at work, but she couldn’t. She hadn’t suggested a single movie to a customer. All she could do was think about Steve leaning over the counter and how much she’d hated him. How much easier her life would be if she would have kept hating him.

            He hadn’t kept his foot out of his mouth for one second, but right now all she wanted was to hear him trying.

 

*

            Steve hadn’t slept a wink last night, he’d spent the entire night thinking about Autumn’s face: her hopeful eyes and the way they crinkled when she laughed her big, stupid laugh, her full, pouty lips and how they moved when she was putting him in his place, her freckled nose and how it scrunched when she was frowning at his bullshit. He loved annoying the piss out of her. He couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Other than making her happy.

            He needed to make things better. He needed to be better. It had been a long time since Steve wanted someone so much and it had been a long time since he’d tried. Steve was ready to stop chasing numb and, just as the tiring summer, start chasing Autumn.

            He knew he’d promised to be her friend, but as he got dressed, he knew he was going to end up destroying the possibility. He was going to win her icy heart or die trying.         

*

            While Autumn filed orders behind the counter, a boy she had resented three days ago wandered in. It was Steve Harrington. This time he had flowers.

            Everything she had remembered about his face still didn’t prepare her for the butterflies in her stomach at seeing him again and watching his eyes light up to see her.

            He walked up to the counter, handing her the bouquet of tulips he’d brought for her. He’d felt roses would have been too overtly romantic and tulips could leave him the benefit of the doubt if she soured. “Hey. These are for you.”

            She took them, puzzled. “Thank you.” Her heart flipped. “Friends don’t bring friends bouquets of flowers, though.”

            “Some of them do. I just did.”

            “Why?”

            “Because I still feel like a complete asshole about last night. I wanted to try and make it up to you.”

            Autumn was overwhelmed. She’d always wanted someone to bring her flowers. There was no reality she would have believed it would be Steve. “These are really nice. You didn’t have to do this.”

            “Yeah, I did.” He leaned over the counter. “Now, I realized that you chased me out of here on Friday before I could rent something.”

            “Hmm, the way I remember it was you were being a terrible flirt and then you left.”

            “Possibly.” He brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Why don’t you recommend me something? What’s your favourite movie?”

            She set the flowers on the counter behind her. “You already rented it.”

            “Evil Dead II?”

            “No.”

            Steve grinned, she was a big phony after all; she was sappy, just like him. “I liked it. It was cute.”

            “It’s stupid, but yeah, I like it.” She was embarrassed to be admitting this to him. “Anyway, what are you in the mood for?”

            “What would you watch on a lazy Sunday?”

            “Why don’t you watch the Friday franchise and actually enjoy it in all its terrible glory?”

            “Sure.”

            “Once you’re done that you might be ready to move on to Nightmare on Elm Street.” She moved from behind the counter. “I’ll go grab them.”

            He watched after her, trying to think of any clever line to keep her interested.

            She came back with an armful of tapes. “Surprisingly, all of them were in.”

            “I guess it’s my lucky day.” He cleared his throat. “You know, the thing about bad movies is that they’re usually more fun if you watch them with a friend. So you can, like, make fun of them together.”

            “Mmm. Well, I guess you’ll have to be sure to call someone.”

            He frowned. “Don’t be an idiot. I’m obviously asking you to come watch them with me.”

            “I know you are. I’m not going to.”

            “Why not?”

            “Because I don’t trust you.”

            “You don’t trust yourself, you mean.”

            “Steve-“

            He backed up, putting his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just think that you’re not giving this whole friendship thing a real chance, here.”

            She shot him a look and picked a pen up off of the counter. She pulled the cap off with her teeth and took his hand in hers, flipping it over and scrawling her number on his palm. “Now, I’m giving you my number in the hopes you won’t abuse it. You can call me tonight and _maybe_ I’ll watch the first one with you.”

            “I’ll take it.” He nodded to the computer. “How much do I owe you?”

            “Twenty bucks.”

            This time, he handed her the money. “I’ll call you tonight, Owens.”

            “And if you’re lucky, I’ll answer.”

            He smiled, scooping up his tapes, and backing out of the door. “You will."

            As Steve was walking to his BMW, Billy was pulling into the lot. Steve hurried into his car as Billy hurried out of his. Billy jogged over and rapped his knuckles on Steve’s window, Steve cracked it enough to hear him. “What?”

            “Back the fuck off, man. I’ve already told you.”

            “Not your call, asshole.” Steve backed out, leaving Billy to vibrate with anger.

            Billy pushed the doors open and found Autumn putting a few tapes away in Action. He came up beside her, leaning on the rack. “Hey, just ran into your boyfriend,” he sneered.

            She was still upset with him. “God, are you two working in shifts now?”

            “Look, I’m sorry about last night.”

            “You’re always sorry.”

            “Autumn. I asked you real nicely not to fuck that guy, so excuse me if I’m not thrilled to see him hanging around.”

            “I guess it’s none of your business who I am or who I’m not sleeping with.”

            “So that shit’s gonna continue?”

            “No, but if it did you’d just have to deal.”

            “Nope.”

            “Then goodbye, Billy. You’re not my keeper.”

            He huffed and he knew he better change his tune real quick before she shut him out. “Fine. Anyway, if you can possibly take a break from Harrington’s shit for an evening, Brandon is having a party tonight and I wanted to know if you wanted a ride?”

            Autumn did need a break from Harrington’s shit and she hadn’t partied with her friends in awhile, so she accepted. “Sure.”

            Billy finally felt placated. “Good. I’ll pick you and Jess up around eight.”

            “Sounds like a plan.”

            He brought a hand to her chin. “I’m sorry, okay?”

            “I know.”

            He looked at her for a beat and then he leaned in and left a kiss on her lips. He’d never done this and it surprised both of them. They looked at each other, dumbfounded, and he turned, leaving without another word.           

            The rest of Autumn’s shift was fraught. She wanted to go home, rip the phone out of the wall, and hide in her room forever. She had two men too many and not the faintest idea what to do about either. All she knew was that if she had to pick who she was more pissed at, it would be Billy. No, maybe it would be Steve.

            It could be and was both.

            Although, Steve currently had the advantage. She sniffed her flowers as she strolled home, wondering how many strings were ultimately attached to this gesture. He may have thought he was clever, but Autumn was always at least two steps ahead of his harebrained schemes. He wanted to be her friend about as much as she wanted to eat her own hands. But she really needed a friend.

            And now Billy had gone and fucked that up.

            Maybe she shouldn’t go to the party.

            Maybe she should just go over to Steve’s. If she couldn’t have a friend, she could at least have a distraction. And this distraction was dynamite in bed. Although, she sincerely doubted Steve’s ability to keep emotions and sex separate. If she touched his knee he’d probably ask her to move in. She couldn’t risk it.

            She couldn’t risk letting herself blur those lines either. She liked him a smack too much to be absolutely sure she could sleep with him again and not want more.

            She’d thought herself in circles, but she was going to end on avoiding his call and avoiding the party.

            Jessica was sitting at the kitchen table when Autumn got home. Autumn poked around the kitchen, looking for a vase, or something in the ballpark and Jess noticed the flowers. “Who are those from?”

            “Steve.”

            Jessica smiled. “Thought so. Jesus, he really likes you.”

            “He’s a pain in the ass.” Autumn found large beer stein and popped the flowers inside.

            Jessica swept into the kitchen. “Want a drink?”

            “Sure," Autumn replied as she poured water in the stein and continued to pretend that she wasn't totally bowled over by Steve's apology.

            Jessica poured two and handed one off to Autumn. “Pain in the ass or not, who’s the last boy to bring you flowers after you already slept with them? Who was the last one to even call?”

            Autumn sipped her drink and considered this.

            “He’s pretty fucking cute, too.”

            “Yeah.” She didn’t want to think about it.

            “Is he good in bed?”

            “Jess. Stop.”

            “I bet he is.” Jessica wandered back over to the kitchen table to enjoy a cigarette. “You coming to Brandon’s?”

            “Oh, Jesus.” Autumn had successfully forgot about Billy for five minutes. “No, I don’t think I should.”

            “Why the hell not?”

            Autumn came over to the table, taking the cigarette out of Jessica’s mouth and indulging in it herself. “Billy is being an idiot.”

            “What else is new.”

            “He kissed me.”

            Jessica’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. “What?”

            “Yeah, today while I was at work.”

            “I thought you guys were, like, pals.”

            “So did I," Autumn sighed, pulling up a chair across from Jess.

            “Goddamn Hargrove.” Jessica never concerned herself with who else Billy was seeing. They were so very far from exclusive, but she was surprised by this revelation. Autumn was always very clearly uninterested and Billy’s advances were always taken with a grain of salt. But this, this was new.

            “Goddamn Hargrove.” The girls clinked their glasses and took a swig.

            "Come anyway, I'll keep Billy at bay," Jessica offered.

            "Yeah, I suppose I should come. I could do with a change of scenery tonight," Autumn relented.

            The phone, which hung on the kitchen wall, rang and Jessica hopped up to answer it. “Hello?”

            “Hey, is Autumn there?”

            Jessica looked at Autumn and grinned evilly. “Is this Steve?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Well, when she gets sick of you, don’t lose this number.” She stuck her tongue out at Autumn.

            “Uh-“

            “I’m kidding, relax.” She held the phone towards Autumn. “Autumn, the boy you like is on the phone!” She made sure Steve could hear her.

            Autumn frowned and yanked the phone out of her hand. “Idiot.” She placed the phone to her ear. “Hello?”

            Jessica snickered and slunk back to the table, watching Autumn try to play it cool. Jessica couldn’t help but notice Autumn twirling the cord of the phone around her finger nervously and she knew Autumn was in deep. 

            “Hey, are you still coming over? I got Twizzlers.” Despite his earnest attempt to play it cool, eagerness crept into his voice.

            “Actually, I don’t think I can. Brandon is having a thing tonight and I really should go.”

            “Oh.” His disappointment was obvious. “Yeah. Of course.”

            Jessica mouthed _invite him_ to Autumn, frowning.

            “I’ll, uh, let you know what I think of these when I return them, then.” Steve continued.

            Jessica bore her eyes into her. “Autumn!”

            Jessica had startled her and she panicked. “Um, you could always come with if you wanted?” Autumn immediately regretted asking. She didn’t need Billy and Steve in one place again.

            Steve was fishing to see if she’d meant it. “No, it’s okay. I don’t want to intrude.”

            She didn’t know why she was pressing the issue. Maybe she wanted to see him after all. “You wouldn’t be. If you want to come, you should.”

            He really did, but he didn’t want to have to deal with Billy. “Naw, it’s okay. I have all these movies to watch and get back on time. The girl that works at the video store gets real snarky if they’re late.”

            She let out a defeated laugh and in that split second didn’t realize her guard had slipped as she let herself want to see him. “Okay. Well, how about I come by after? Save number four for me? It’s my favourite.”

            Steve was happy to have the compromise and his heart summersaulted at the prospect of seeing her. “Sure! I’ll see you later then?”

            Autumn flailed her hand at Jessica like Jessica was supposed to know what the hell she wanted. “What’s your number?” Jessica realized she needed a pen and jumped to the kitchen to get one. “I’ll call you when I’m on my way.”

            “555-3657.”

            Jessica passed her a pen and Autumn scribbled his number on the back of her hand. “Okay, cool. I’ll call you later.”

            “Just to be clear, you want me to watch number four without you? That’s where I should be starting?”

            “I hate you.” He could hear the smile in her voice.

            “See you soon.”

            She hung up and turned to Jessica who was beaming. “That was pathetic.”

            “Shut up.”

 


	10. Thank God I Know How to Swim

 

            Autumn and Jessica finished getting ready, which mostly entailed changing out of their work clothes and drinking gin.

            While the two played a game of crib at the kitchen table, they heard Billy’s car pull up. They didn’t bother to look up as he came thundering into the house. Before acknowledging them, he rustled around in the fridge and helped himself to a beer. He clocked the flowers on the counter, nodding to them. “Who are those from?”

            Jessica took a long sip of her drink, practically climbing the walls at the prospect of drama.

            Autumn kept her eyes on her cards. “Steve.”

            They could hear Billy’s fingers curling into his aluminum can. “Your pussy magic or something, Owens?”

            “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

            He chugged the rest of his beer and crumpled the can his hand. He chucked it at the flowers, missing by an inch. “Let’s get moving.”

 

            As promised, Jessica was trying to keep Billy occupied, she rode shotgun and kept the music loud. It was a pretty good strategy until they pulled up at Brandon’s and socializing could no longer be avoided.

            The trio shuffled out of the car and Billy said, “Jess, go on ahead, I gotta talk to Autumn.”

            Jessica looked to Autumn and Autumn nodded for her to go, she had to get this over with anyway.

            After Jessica disappeared into the house Billy leaned an arm against the roof of his car and stared down at Autumn, “Listen.” He cupped her face. “I want to apologize. Again.”

            She waited, expecting him to say anything. He brushed her cheek with his thumb, his hand was big and warm, and surprisingly comforting. He tried to find the right words, but when the words wouldn’t come, he kissed her. He kissed her deep and she let him. Maybe it was morbid curiosity, maybe it was the gin, but she let Billy slowly press her up against the side of his Camaro and kiss her. It wasn’t aggressive, it was surprisingly tender. It felt wrong.

            “Billy.” She kept a hand pressed to his chest, keeping him at arms length. “Stop.”

            “Why?”

            “Because, this is never going to happen.”

            “You’ll let Harrington into your pants, but I’m the line?”

            “You’re my best friend, asshole. I’m not some girl for you to toss aside.”

            He brushed her hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to toss you aside.”

            “Good, then let’s not do this.”

            He soured. “Goddammit, Autumn! I don’t fucking get you.”

            “Me neither, but I gotta go.”

            “To what? See fucking Steve?”

            She didn’t respond, she could tell Billy was about to spiral into one of his moods and she wasn’t about to help it along.

            “Jesus Christ!” He hit the roof of his car, making her jump. “Autumn, goddamn you.”

            She wasn’t going to fight. “I’ll talk to you when you get your shit together.” She started off down the street.

            “Autumn!”

            She kept walking.

 

            Steve wasn’t paying much attention to Friday the 13th Part II, he’d already seen the first six, after all. Autumn didn’t seem to remember him telling her that on Friday and he wasn’t about to remind her. It rattled on in the background while he did his hair and brushed his teeth. He stopped, toothbrush in his mouth, and looked in the mirror. He’d caught himself looking excited and he shook it off, he should know better by now. He should manage his expectations.

            Steve never did what he should.

 

            Autumn’s thoughts raced as she hurried home. Her boy problems weren’t getting any closer to resolved and she fucking hated herself for how badly she wanted to see Steve. He was the exact opposite of Billy and Billy was exactly the type of man she was used to.

            But regardless of Steve’s quirks and charms, she still wasn’t ready to give in. At least not completely. She needed to be wanted for all of her, not just the good parts and not just the fuckable parts. And she felt Steve wasn’t ready to look at her without rose coloured glasses. He’d have to wait a little longer before her heart was open. And he’d have to work a little harder to prove himself.

            Despite this, she was still excited to see him. Her heart was a villainous little traitor.

            Autumn slipped inside the house and hurried to the phone. She dialled Steve’s number and he picked up after two rings. “Hello?”

            “Hey, it’s Autumn,” she tried to keep the anticipation from creeping into her voice.

            “Hey,” he gushed. “I only had time to get through the first two. Wanna start with three?”

            She felt like she was less likely to give in to temptation in her own living room and she wanted home field advantage. “Yeah, but can we watch it over here?”

            “For sure. I’ll be over soon.” 

            Steve arrived shortly, tapes and Twizzlers in hand. He smiled so easy seeing her tucked into a t-shirt and sweats, looking cute as a button. “Smells like popcorn in here.”

            “I prepared. I know how to watch movies.” Autumn had changed into her PJs to further deter Steve from getting any ideas. It wasn’t working and he imagined tearing them off of her the second she batted her lashes in his direction.

            He popped the tape in the VCR. “I’ve heard a rumour that the best way to watch a slasher movie is to sit real close to someone.” He looked over at her. “You know, in case you get scared.”

            “You can sit in the yard and watch through the window if you’re going to start already, you idiot.”

            He laughed. “I was testing you. I wanted to make sure you could keep it in your pants. I know how you get.”

            She scrunched her nose, tired of his bullshit. It was his weakness, he didn’t think he could possibly like her more and he bit into his bottom lip. “The ice is very thin, Steve.”

            He flopped down on the couch. “Thank God I know how to swim.”

            She grabbed the popcorn from the kitchen and took her seat on the opposite end of the couch, placing the bowl between them. The more obstacles the better.

            They both reached for a handful, their knuckles lighting brushing against each other, and they quickly stuffed their faces to distract themselves from the palpable tension as Jason sliced and diced on the TV.

            Steve stood. “Do you mind if I get a drink?”

            “Yeah, go ahead.”

            “Do you want anything?”

            “For you to pause the movie," she teased.

            He did and then wandered to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He noticed the flowers on the counter, he’d been afraid that she would have tossed them out the minute he left Victor’s. This meant a lot to him, he might win her over yet.

            He came back and resumed the movie. “Number two was wild.”

            “It’s a treat, for sure.”

            It was nearly impossible to pay attention to the rest of the movie. Every time Steve made Autumn laugh he’d try to inch closer. Every time he tried to inch closer she would pretend not to notice, until his leg was resting against the bowl of popcorn and so was hers. They both reached in once again, it was empty save for the buttery seeds clinking around the bottom of the Pyrex bowl. Autumn looked down, their fingers still touching. “I guess I should make more.”

            “Need any help?” Steve asked, voice filled with suggestion.

            She thought about the last time he’d helped her in the kitchen and withdrew her hand. “No.”

            She lifted her gaze to meet his and they stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, then Steve pushed the bowl off of the couch like a misbehaving house cat.          
  
            That worked.

            She couldn’t stop herself as she crawled over his lap, straddling him. She moved to kiss him, but he beat her to it, losing his hands in her hair and pulling her impossibly close. She broke their embrace and looked down at him, running a hand along his jawline, and she took in his handsome, hopeful face.

            He stared up at her, completely bewitched. “Autumn, I don’t want to be your friend.”

            She said nothing, not ready to face the reality that she very well might feel the same. She closed his lips with her own and tugged at his shirt. He tore it over his head and helped her out of hers, nipping at her skin, kissing her neck and chest, gripping at her sides. His gnashing teeth and possessive lips coupled to etch a mark dedicated to his want on her delicate throat and he hoped every time her eyes fell on it that she would think about every inch of her body he's tasted.

            “Steve,” she said, weakly.

            “Yes?”

            “This is just sex. Okay?”

            “Why?” he breathed between kisses.

            “That’s all I’m looking for.” It wasn’t true, but on top of needing to be wanted completely, mess and all, she wasn’t ready to deal with the responsibility of both of their hearts. She’d been hurt too many times and Steve wasn’t a safe bet. She’d never met a boy like him, someone so attentive and overwhelming, and that uncharted territory was too scary to explore right now.

            “Okay.” He wanted everything, but if all he could have was sex, he’d take it. He needed to be close. This was a very bad, very stupid habit. Steve had been the disposable boy too many times for him to reasonably make this mistake again. But he liked her too much to say ‘no’ and ask for more. He’d already taken a mile and he wasn’t going to push his luck. So instead, he kissed her hungry, he kissed her hard, and he kissed her long.

            He slid his hands under her ass and stood as she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.

            “Where’s the bedroom?” he asked.

            “Down the hall on the left.”

            He crashed his lips back against hers and they nearly devoured one another as he clumsily stumbled towards her room. She almost slipped from his grip, but he pressed her up against the wall, using a hand to steady himself, and continued to kiss and whimper. She set her feet on the floor and led him into her room by his belt, which she quickly unbuckled the second they passed through her doorway. He kicked off his jeans and pushed her down on the bed, climbing over top of her.

            Last time she didn’t get the chance to see his body and it felt so good to run her hands over it. She trickled her fingers down his stomach, feeling him shiver under her touch as she left a tiny tug on the waistband of his boxers. He got the hint and slid them off. He took the opportunity to ease her bottoms off and finally see her naked.

            “Wow.” He climbed over her and pressed soft kisses to her stomach. “You are so beautiful.”

            He left a trail of hungry, open mouthed kisses up to her chest, where he stopped to unclasp her bra and toss it aside. He took her left breast in his mouth, while kneading the other. His tongue flicked against her pert nipple and he enjoyed the feeling of her tight peak under his plush mouth. She was incredibly soft, he hadn’t felt anyone so good before. Every brush against her skin, every squeeze, every caress was never going to be enough, he hoped it would last as long as possible. He moved to her neck to bite and suck and nuzzle as she rubbed up against him, digging her fingers into his back, trying to urge him inside. She was aching to have him right now, while he was taking his time, savouring the minutes with her before the inevitable end. Before she pushed him away once more.

            He brushed a hand through her hair and looked into her eyes. “I really like watching movies with you.”

            She laughed, “You’re such an idi-“ she gasped as he slid inside, never fully anticipating his girth. She bucked against him, wrapping a leg around his hips, and taking him as deep as possible. She tangled her fingers in his hair and tugged it to the rhythm of his thrusts.

            “How do you want it?” he breathed, hitching his hips every time he met her depth, ensuring he rolled himself into all the right places.

            “Harder.” Autumn felt that the harder, the rougher, and the dirtier it was, the less likely it would veer to tenderness, to emotion, and to feelings.

            Steve complied, pounding into her harder, feeling her rock beneath him, and watching her face wash with lust and pleasure. She gripped at the sheets and let herself enjoy being fucked. The head of his cock was magnificent and it knew exactly where it should be.

            He quickly slowed, moving to kiss her. The kiss was too soft, he was trying to get feelings all over this. She wasn’t going to have it.

            She rolled on top and eased herself down on his throbbing cock. Autumn knew how how to bounce and how to ride. She dug her fingers into his shoulders and urged herself up and down, over and over, hungrier each time. Steve could barely keep up, she was so ferocious. He gripped into her thighs and stared at the ceiling, panting, and trying to last. “Autumn, you’re gonna make me cum. Slow down.”

            She put a hand over his mouth. “Shut up and don’t you fucking dare.”

            He mumbled, “I won’t.” against her hand and she slowly trickled her fingers over his lips, he bit at them, getting into it. He ran a hand up her body and circled her throat, feeling her pulse thudding against his palm. “I think it’s time for you to be a little nicer.”

            Her pace slowed, she hadn’t anticipated that Harrington could come to play. He took the opportunity to shove her off and flip her over. He grabbed her hips and pulled her to all fours, entering her from behind. Her breathing hitched in excited surprise. If she wanted it rough, she was going to get it.

            “Beg,” he growled.

            “What?” She couldn’t believe what she’d heard.

            He pushed himself all the way inside and stayed there, unmoving, digging his fingers into her hips so she couldn’t get away. “Do you want it or not?”

            “Holy shit, yes.”

            “Say ‘please’.”

            “Please,” she could barely get it out she wanted it so badly.

            He began to thrust into her relentlessly and the room filled with the sound of her slapping back against him, while he panted through his fuck, and she moaned like she'd never taken it so good before. Her arms gave out almost immediately, and she kept her head down, howling into the mattress as he pounded in deep. He raked his fingers down her back, leaving another territorial mark of his desire on her glistening body, and she dropped to her stomach, exhausted. That wouldn’t do. He gripped her hips and got her ass back up in the air, resuming his unyielding fuck. Her breaths escaped in desperate chirps. It was music to his ears.

            Sweat dripped off of his bangs and he could barely continue as he watched her supple behind ripple every time he thrust inside. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered.

            He slowed, filling her long and deep, taking his time to feel every inch of her wetness. She started to shake, her toes curled, and her breathing ceased. She was ready to cum. He slid inside as indulgently as possible and hit the button with goddamn precision. She screamed his name louder than before as her orgasm lit up her nerves like sheet lightning. She continued to urge herself back against him, riding her pleasure for as long as possible and his thrusts started to stutter to meet her. He whimpered before spilling himself inside and filling her with his triumph. He collapsed over her back and left a kiss between her shoulder blades.

            “Holy fucking shit.” He slid himself from between her legs, taking a beat to admire himself dripping down her thighs. He did good. He left the littlest, most admiring smack on her ass and flipped her over. He’d fucked her stupid. She was panting and smiling, still not able to say anything.

            He propped himself up beside her, drawing little circles on her stomach with his fingertips. “Almost as good as Friday part four, yeah?”

            She laughed, “Almost. You’ll have to watch it.”

            He grinned, mischievously, “I’ve seen the Friday movies. We talked about that the other night.” A dreamy smile drifted across his lips. “I just wanted to come over.”

            She narrowed her eyes at him, still smiling. “You’re the worst.” She got up and moved for the hallway.

            “Where are you going?”

            “To the bathroom.”

            She hadn’t kicked him out of bed and he didn’t want to leave, but he was afraid to ask to stay in case she told him no, so he tried to be sneaky. He shuffled under the covers while she was out of the room and tucked himself in, making himself look right at home.

            Autumn returned, stopping in the doorway to take notice of Steve cuddled up under her sheets, looking hopeful. This wasn’t what typically happened when she slept with someone, usually he’d be out the door before she’d even had the chance to roll over. She crossed the room and got under the blankets, her back to him. She wasn’t prepared for this.

            “I have to work in the morning. Don’t snore.”

            It was cold and his heart barely absorbed the impact, but she didn’t make him leave. “Goodnight,” he managed.

            “Goodnight.” She was so lost. 

             He watched her back for a spell, witnessing her breathing slow. 

            Steve was soft, tender, and broken. He craved touch. He ached for it. It was a physical manifestation of his need to cling tight to anything that would have him. He’d tear out his heart and hand it off if he could, but a gentle caress, an overwhelming speckling of kisses, an arm protectively slung over a shoulder, or a promising interlocking of fingers would suffice. He was always too much and he’d always loved too big, but if someone settled against him or nuzzled into the crook of his neck he felt safer. He felt like enough.

            Maybe it was because he’d never received the attention he’d needed. At home his parents had barely batted an eye, letting him run wild until it affected them. And sure, people appreciated his ability to do a keg stand when he was sixteen, but that didn’t matter. No one lit up when he trickled his fingers on their thigh, at least not in the same way it mattered to him. His boisterous personality and craving for affection made him a smothering lover, but he couldn’t help himself. He’d never been shown the love he hungered for, so at any inkling he would try to hold it, he would try to squeeze it, and he would try to keep it.

            Watching Autumn sleep with her back turned, he debated gently curling an arm around her and pulling her against him. He imagined her soft back cradled against his body. He wanted to pepper the back of her neck in sweet kisses. He’d nuzzle into her hair, not minding if it tangled in his mouth, keeping him awake. Maybe he’d ghost the curve of her hip with his clumsy fingers, feeling her smooth skin under his quivering palm. He could mingle his legs among hers and hold her in the sweltering summer heat, sweating and uncomfortable, but close. He could sleep happy there.

            He tentatively reached a shaking hand towards her, letting his fingertips dance inches from her spine. He couldn’t do it. She’d made her intentions clear, so no amount of touch would do. He shuffled closer, close enough to breathe her in, but far enough away to leave space for her boundaries.

            He tried shutting his eyes and willing himself to sleep, but the heat coming off of her body kept him awake. His eyes popped open and he watched her for a few minutes more before realizing he was making the same mistakes over and over. This girl wasn’t going to love him and he couldn’t take another hit. He gingerly slunk out of bed and pulled on his jeans. As he swallowed his sorrow, he looked to her once again, feeling himself dangerously close to falling further, and forced himself to tiptoe out of the bedroom.

            She heard the car door slam in the still night, a sound she was all too familiar with. She’d been awake the entire time. She’d been praying this boy would gently curl an arm around her, pulling her against his body. She wanted him to pepper the back of her neck in sweet kisses. He’d nuzzle into her hair and she wouldn’t mind if it got tangled in his mouth, keeping them awake. Maybe he’d ghost the curve of her hip with his clumsy fingers, feeling his warm palm on her soft skin. Her legs would mingle among his and he would hold her in the sweltering summer heat, sweating and uncomfortable, but close. She could sleep happy there.


	11. This One's For You

            Autumn realized that she’d said it was nothing more than sex, but with every single kiss she knew that wasn’t true. And she had thought Steve felt the same. She tried her damndest to choke back the sobs clawing their way up her throat. She didn’t want to cry over him. Not again.

            She had suspected that he might be better at playing the game than the others: he laid it on thick, he pulled out all the stops, but he was no different than all of the boys before him that had cut and run.

            At least Billy was honest. Steve was wily and he’d duped her into being hopeful. She felt like a goddamn fool.

            After pulling on her PJs, wrapping herself in her quilt, and grabbing a pillow, she limped out to the couch to cry to a movie instead.

            The stupid dick had left all of his tapes. She thought she might as well take them back to work in the morning. She popped the movie he had now ruined forever out of the VCR, snapped it back in its case, and decided to find comfort in the film that hadn’t once broken her heart. She put on Moonstruck and let herself cry for a love she’d never find.

            A love she would never want roared up in front of the house, likely dropping Jessica off, but when the door opened, Billy came in alone.

            “Where’s Jess?” she asked, partially muffled by her pillow.

            “Staying with Brandon.”

            Autumn nodded, that was new. Good for her. Brandon was a good guy. Unlike Billy.

            “Where’s Steve?” Billy asked.

            “Who fucking cares.” She shoved a Twizzler in her mouth, like those hadn’t been ruined, too.

            Billy sighed, Autumn looked like a wreck, and she was watching that goddamn movie again. He kicked off his boots and sat on the end of the couch. “Wanna talk about it?”

            Lifting her head, she shot him a look. “Why are you even here?”

            “Because I’m trying to be a better friend than I was all day.”

            She didn’t say anything, but she tossed her pillow in his lap and flipped the other way, settling on his legs. He rubbed her arm while she watched her movie.

            “I told you he wasn’t good enough for you,” he whispered.

            “You really want to have an ‘I told you so’ moment right now, you stupid asshole?”

            He laughed, “I guess not.”

            They watched the movie for a few minutes in silence and then he felt her tiny heaves against his leg. She was crying and it broke his heart. “Hey, come here.” He scooped her up and held her to his chest. It wasn’t the first time she balled his shirt in her hands and cried against him, but Billy was getting really tired of seeing her like this. Harrington was done.

            She played herself out and pulled herself up off of Billy’s lap to get a glass of water. Returning, she found Billy had kicked off his jeans and sprawled out on the couch.

            “Come sleep.” He placed her pillow on his chest and flipped back the blanket. She didn’t feel like arguing and she did feel like being held so she lay on him and snuggled into her pillow. He tucked her in, threw an arm around her, and took the opportunity to steal the remote.

            “I was watching that.”

            “Shhh, go to bed.” He pet her hair.

            And she did, wishing she was sleeping against someone else.

 

            While Autumn found what little comfort she could in Billy’s arms, Steve had no one to hold him while he suffered. He’d crawled into bed and thrown his pillow across the room; Autumn’s scent was still lingering and he couldn’t take it.

            How the hell did this happen? He just wanted to rent a movie. Now he was begging himself to stop wanting her. Sleeping with her once was a mistake. Sleeping with her twice was a disaster. And sleeping without her was a fucking nightmare.

            He could feel the heaviness creeping up his throat, urging him to cry, but he resisted. He swallowed it down and lay awake in agony until the sun crept up and he had to get ready for work.

*

            Autumn could hear her alarm clock buzzing in her bedroom and she slowly opened her eyes. She forgot she’d fallen asleep on the couch, on top of Billy, who was snoring soundly.

            “Christ,” she muttered, covered in the shame glaze of last night. She slid off of Billy and looked around the room. Popcorn seeds were scattered on her carpet, her shirt was crumpled on the coffee table, where it had ultimately landed when Steve tore it off, Billy was drooling on her couch cushions, and her hips hurt from being monumentally fucked.

            Today was going to be a rough one.

 

            Steve crawled into the shower, exhausted and depressed. Twenty-one was really shaping up to be a banner year.

            He quickly got dressed and as he shrugged on his jacket, he noticed the tapes on his coffee table.

            “Shit.”

            He threw the movies in the backseat of his car, he’d drop them off after work and hopefully Autumn wouldn’t be there.

            Work was terrible. His father spotted him the second he came in the door and cornered him. “Good of you to show up looking like you haven’t slept in days.”

            Steve was in no mood. “I haven’t.”

            “Jesus Christ, Steven. Grow up.”

            “Yes, sir.” He shoved past his dad and got to it.

 

            Autumn made Billy drive her to Victor’s so she could avoid the walk of tainted memories. He pulled into the lot and turned to her. “Do you need me to pick you up when you’re off?”

            “Won’t you already be at Charlie’s?”

            “Yeah, but I can take ten minutes and come get you.”

            “Thanks, Billy. That would be great.”

            He pulled her over the seat and left a kiss on her forehead. “Chin up, dummy. I’ll see you tonight.”

*

            Steve went straight to Victor’s after work to drop off his remaining videos. He could see Autumn through the window and she caught his eye. There was no way he could just slip them through the slot now, so he might as well try and be amicable.

            She looked so much smaller than usual and even though she’d kicked the shit out of his heart, he still wanted to hold her.

            He slid the tapes over the counter. “I left three and four at your place, but here’s the rest.”

            “Thanks.” She felt awkward and angry, so she stared intently at the videos, avoiding his eyes.

            He wasn’t going to stick around to take another punch, so he backed up. “Guess I’ll see you around.” He turned to leave.

            She felt her heart breaking. She didn’t expect him to be this cold. “Steve?”

            He turned around, hopeful. “Yeah?”

            “Don’t rent here anymore. Your account is suspended.”

            He wondered if he looked as shattered as he felt, but he couldn’t find the words to fight or beg, so he gave a little nod and left.

            She turned to the computer, biting into her lip to stop the tears from coming, and let her fingers hover over the keys. She took a breath and deleted Steve’s account, feeling somehow better and worse.

            He slid back behind the wheel and, once again, swallowed the lump in his throat.

            By the time he pulled up at his place and hurried inside, he was ready to break down. He sat down on the couch, buried his face in his hands, and let himself cry. He let her win.

            Steve had known better. He knew better on Thursday and he knew better last night, but this one had weaseled her way into his heart when he was too busy making her laugh to notice the space she’d carved.

            He wished he knew why he couldn’t make anyone stay before he realized that he’d gone running. He’d sent himself away trying to protect his battered little heart and he’d hurt it even further in the process of self-preservation.

            And he’d driven her away.

            He wiped his face and raked his hands through his hair before he pulled himself up off of the couch and went to the fridge to drink his sorrows.

 

            As promised, Billy picked Autumn up from Victor’s.

            “Hey dummy, how was work?”

            “Stupid," she sniffed, shoving her broken heart in a corner. 

            “Aw, well, if anyone looks at you funny tonight, they’ll live to regret it.” He squeezed her knee and took off for Charlie’s.

            Autumn immediately popped open a drink and tried to distract herself watching the local wildlife in the bar, but it was Monday so there was nothing to hold her attention.

            All she could think about was Steve. She should have kicked him out on Thursday. She never should have walked him home. A lot of good it did to think about what she should have done instead.

            Of all the things she should have done, she should have stopped looking to the door, hoping he’d come in and fuck everything up further. She just wanted to see him. If he walked in then she could stop hating herself for hoping.

 

            Steve sat on his living room floor, back against the couch, drinking a beer, and twirling Autumn’s panties around his finger. This was it. His souvenir of the accidental one-sided romance that was his weekend. God, he liked her. He liked her so fucking much. And it suddenly occurred to him that he hadn’t told her that. At least, not explicitly.

            He finished his beer and told himself to let it be, to ignore her, and to let it go. It was only a weekend. She was just a girl. He’d liked plenty of girls before her and if he let this be, he’d like plenty after.

            Walking to the kitchen to get another drink, he reminded himself that she didn’t want him, but all he could do was wonder how to change it.

            He sat back down on his living room floor and let the debate continue. He wanted her too fucking much and pretending, even for a second, that he didn’t was going to eat him alive. She wasn’t just a girl. She was a girl that he needed to know.

            His drink didn’t leave his lips until he’d finished it and he committed to stupidity. He was going to tell her how he felt. Then, either outcome, he could move on.

 

            Already a little drunk, he stumbled across Autumn’s lawn and knocked on the door. Jessica answered, “Steve? Autumn isn’t home.”

            “Where is she?”

            Jessica was surprised to see him looking like such a mess. “She’s working at Charlie’s. Are you okay?”

            “I’m going to be. Thanks.” He turned and started off for the bar.

            He walked the thirty minutes to Charlie’s and swung the door open. Billy immediately grabbed him. “Not a goddamn chance.”

            Steve shoved Billy off. “Just let me talk to her.”

            “You had your shot and you made her cry. Get the fuck out.”

            All Steve had wanted to do was make her laugh and he’d failed. He tried pushing past Billy again, if he could get to Autumn he could fix it, he could hear her dorky chortling. Billy grabbed his shirt, Steve grabbed his in kind.

            Autumn could hear a scuffle from the entrance and she came to the far end of the bar to see what was going on. “Oh, Jesus.”

            She scurried over. “Alright morons, none of whatever the fuck this is.” She pulled at their hands gripping into each other’s shirts.

            They continued to stare each other down.

            “You two gonna kiss?”

            They shifted their scowls to her instead.

            “Steve, why are you even here?” Her heart was pounding so hard she was afraid he could hear it.

            “I need to talk to you.”

            “I don’t want to hear it.” It was the biggest lie she’d told herself in a long time.

            Billy interjected, “Yeah, so get moving, Harrington. The lady doesn’t need your shit.”

            Steve looked lost. He was outnumbered, yet he persisted, while batting Billy’s hand away that was once again twisting at his shirt. “Please, just five minutes and then I’ll leave.”

            “Like you did last night?” He had no response, so he stared at his shoes.

            She knew if he stepped into the parking lot Billy was going to kick the shit out of him, so she said, “come buy me a beer.”

            Billy gaped at her. How could she be so stupid? “Autumn?”

            She lifted a hand to Billy. “Not now.” She wandered back to the bar. Billy gave Steve a shot in the back as he walked by.

            Steve pulled up the stool he sat in Thursday night, celebrating his abysmal birthday. Over the last five days, he’d come full circle and he was terrified she hated him even more now.

            She slid a drink in front of him. “Twenty bucks.”

            He shook his head and tossed the money on the bar.

            She lifted an eyebrow. “Really? We’re doing this again?”

            He smiled. “You shit all over my heart. I think we’re even.”

            “We’re so very far from even.” She took a long pull of her beer. “What do you want?”

            “You.”

            This caught her completely off guard, no one could disarm her like Steve.

            He fiddled with the label on his bottle, waiting for her to send him away, as always. “I’m sorry that I fucked up again.”

            “You’re constantly begging for my forgiveness. That’s a pretty bad sign.”

            He stood. “That’s because I have no clue where I stand with you! How can I possibly be getting it right when the only time you take a break from being pissed at me is to have sex with me?” He’d come around to the end of the bar.

            She was getting heated, pushing him back, away from her space. “Then why bother?”

            “Because I just fucking like you. I shouldn’t because you seem hell bent to hurt me. But I like you and every time I see you I want to kiss you.” He wasn’t mad, he was lovesick. “Even when you’re mad, I just want to be around you. I want to bug you and see your little angry face. And I want to hear you laugh.”

            “That’s stupid.” Her defenses were waning and she wasn’t ready to let them.

            “Well, I’m stupid.” He took a tentative step closer. “But I think you like me, too.”

            She still couldn’t soften. She was so goddamn stubborn. “Maybe. As a friend.”

            He scoffed, “Oh, shut the fuck up. That’s bullshit.” He took another step closer. “You can’t keep your goddamn hands off of me.”

            “Back up, Steve. I’ll kill you.” She brought a hand to his chest, he took it in one of his own, holding it tight.

            “I’m shaking in my boots.” He circled his other hand around the back of her neck and pulled her face to his, leaving the softest, most hopeful kiss on her lips. “Stop pretending to be so hard.”

            And in that moment, she did. She dug her fingers into the collar of his shirt and pulled him to her, kissing him right back. He smiled against her lips. “You’re a big phony, Autumn.”       

            “I’ll still kill you." She smiled against his kiss.

            He let go of her and stepped away, grinning like an idiot, and he walked over to the jukebox.

            “If you play Bohemian Rhapsody, I swear to God, Harrington, you are through," she giggled.

            He looked back at her and smirked. “No, no, that’s for special occasions.” He made his choice and turned, pointing at her. “This one’s for you, Owens.”

            I Get Weak by Belinda Carlisle crackled to life in the speakers. She was absolutely beaming. He sauntered over to her and hooked his fingers in the belt loops of her jeans, tugging her closer. “Come here.” He kissed her deeply and embarrassingly, offering her his heart through his gasps and if she wasn’t careful she was going to fall for this boy.

            His hands moved up her body, with one in the small of her back and one cradling her face and he continued to shower her with kisses. He was so excited to be winning her over.

            “Steve.” She grabbed his wrist.

            He nuzzled into her neck. “What?”

            “We can’t do this right now.”

            He looked around the bar. “Nobody cares.” He pressed tiny kisses to her jawline.

            “Down boy.” She pushed him off.

            He left one final kiss on her forehead and slipped out from behind the bar. He pulled up a stool and looked at her with hearts in his eyes. “Can I finally take you on a real date?”

            Her heart was a puddle. Without any hesitation she said, “Yes.”

            “I’m gonna knock your socks off, Autumn. You have no idea.”

            Too late.


	12. You're About to Find Out

 

            Autumn and Steve crashed into his apartment. Frenzied hands tore at clothing and frantic lips explored each other’s faces and bodies. By the time they reached his bedroom they were already wrapped up in one another, he was pushing himself inside, and she was gripping at his shoulders.

            The sex didn’t feel rushed or empty. There were no attempts to stop soft kisses, of which there were many. Autumn made no effort to avoid his eyes. When he slowed, she slowed with him, letting him get feelings all over it. He nuzzled against her cheek, whispering to her, “stay the night.”

            And she did. After Steve rocked her world for the third time in last three days, she crawled under the covers and he pulled her to his chest, keeping an arm protectively curled around her. He kissed the top of her head, lingering for a moment. “Goodnight, Autumn.”

            She trickled her fingers down his stomach and let her hand find its home resting on his hip. “Goodnight, Steve.”

            He held her in the sweltering summer heat, sweating, but absolutely comfortable and close. They could sleep happy there. 

*

            Autumn had rolled over onto her stomach sometime in the night. Steve woke up before her and watched her back rise as she breathed heavy, sleeping soundly. This time he let his fingers dance along her spine before he rested a hand on her ass and shuffled closer. He nuzzled into her hair and kissed her neck until she woke up. She turned her face to his and gave him a sleepy smile. “Morning, Sunshine.” He moved to kiss her.

            “Don’t, I have morning breath.”

            “I don’t care.” He gave her a tender kiss and studied her beautiful face. He was finally getting to exhale.

            She rolled over and settled on his chest. “What time do you have to work?”

            “In an hour, but you can stay here if you want. Just lock up if you leave before I get home.”

            “No, I gotta work this afternoon, so I should head out.” She sat up and looked down at him. He was so handsome she thought she might die. She let herself smile and she let him catch her.

            “What?” He smiled back.

            “You’re really handsome, Harrington.”

            “I know.” He winked.

            “Insufferable, too.”

            “Well, nobody’s perfect.” He grabbed her hand and kissed her palm. “You’re really beautiful, Autumn.”

            “I know.” She scrunched her nose at him and hopped out of bed. He watched her wander into the hall and he followed along behind her. The trail to the door was a treasure hunt for her clothes and he helped her pick them up. “Thanks.” She pulled on last night’s attire and slipped on her shoes.

            He leaned against the door, prohibiting a hasty exit. “So, about that date, how’s Friday night?”

            “I could probably get someone to cover for me at Victor’s.”

            “I’ll make it worth your while.”

            She stood on her tiptoes, leaving a kiss on his nose. “I’m sure you will. Have a good day at work.”

            He slipped a hand around her waist and pulled her close, kissing her deeply. “I will now.”

             Autumn strolled home, feeling new and excited. An empty can sitting in the gutter caught her eye and she couldn’t help herself as she kicked it down the road and let herself be unabashedly happy.

 

            Steve strolled into work, too happy to be affected by his father. His father noticed. “Get some sleep last night?”

            “No.” Steve smiled and continued past him.         

 

            He must have been having too good a day, because right after he got home the phone rang. “Hello?”

            “Steve,” it was his mother, “I know we didn’t get a chance to see you on your birthday so I would love it if you came for dinner on Friday evening.”

            Only eight days late.

            “Maybe if you would have called we would have seen each other.” He tried to be less snippy, but he couldn’t help himself.

            “Steven,” her tone was firm.

            “Mom, I got a date on Friday and I’m not going to cancel on her.”

            “Your father is trying to make things right. Can’t you bring her along?”

            He couldn’t imagine a more terrible reality. “No.”

            “Steven James Harrington, you’re going to be sitting at my table on Friday night or so help me God. Bring whoever, I don’t care, but your ass will be in the dining room and you will be eating with your family.”

            “Jesus. Fine.”

            Her demeanour flip-flopped drastically. “Wonderful! I’ll cook dinner for four, then.”

            “Can’t wait.”

            “I do hope you drop the attitude by Friday.” She disconnected.

            He sighed, this was an absolute nightmare scenario. He wasn’t going to cancel on Autumn, she’d actually spent his birthday with him, after all. Not to mention he was crazy about her. He knew his family wouldn’t be inviting and he knew she’d like them even less. He steadied himself and dialled Victor’s Video.

            “Victor’s Video, Autumn speaking. How may I help you?” He had to stop himself from laughing, her customer service voice was the fakest shit he’d ever heard. Regardless he was so excited to hear her voice and he felt terrible to have to ask about dinner.

            “Hey, it’s Steve.”

            “I thought I closed your account. Why are you calling?” She giggled and then reminded herself to add Steve back into the system now that she didn’t want to set him on fire.

           He let out a small laugh and then decided to rip the band-aid off. “Remember how I asked you on a date? And I was going to make it really romantic and perfect and I was going to sweep you off of your feet?”

            “Yes, I even got my shift covered. Why?” He could hear the apprehension in her voice.

            “How would you like to have none of that and come to a horrible dinner at my parent’s place that I can’t get out of?”

            There was a time Autumn would have been happy to have the option to cancel, but now all she wanted was to see Steve. He waited with bated breath for her answer.

            “That sounds terrible, but I’ll go.”

            He was so relieved. “I swear to God, I will make it up to you.”

            “You better.”

            “Cross my heart and hope to die, Owens.”

*

            Autumn had to work doubles all week, so she didn’t expect to see much of Steve until Friday. It was Tuesday night, she’d seen him that morning, and yet there he was, sweeping in the door of Charlie’s. Billy was off for the night, so he could breathe easy.

            “Hey, Beautiful.”

            “Steve,” she could barely contain herself, “I’m going to get sick of you before Friday.”

            “As if.” He came to the end of the bar and grabbed her wrist, spinning her to him. He gave her a kiss and then made his home on his favourite stool.

            She slid him a drink. “Anyone ever told you that you come on real strong?”

            “Yes.” He smiled, he wasn’t bothered. She wasn’t getting away.

            He shamelessly flirted with her all night long as she served regulars and rummies. It was dead enough that she could make eyes at him all night if she chose to, which she did.

            “I gotta get closing up now, so scoot.” She took his empty glass from his hands.

            “Hold on, I’m trying to get the cute bartender to come home with me.” He winked. 

            “I’d say you have a pretty good shot.”

            “Oh yeah? What’s her deal, is she seeing anybody?”

            “I don’t know, last I heard she was going on a date with some rich douche.”

            “He sounds like a great guy, but I’d fight him for her.”

            She leaned over the bar and gave him a kiss. “You’d win.” He hooked his hands around her arms and pulled her across the bar, scooping her up in his arms.

            “So, you gonna come home with me?”

            “Do I even have a choice?”

            “No.” He brushed his nose against hers and she smiled.

            “Good.”

 

            She closed up and he drove them back to his place where they tumbled through the doorway once more, but this time when they reached the bedroom they were still dressed. They kissed for hours, nothing more. Eventually they slipped out of their clothes and under the covers, but only to sleep. Autumn curled up against his chest and they slept soundly for the few short hours the night would afford them before sunrise and worldly responsibilities.

            It was Autumn’s turn to wake up first. She watched Steve's face twitch while he slept and she couldn’t help herself as she pet his nose.

            He peeked at her with one eye. “Mmmm, I’ve barely slept since I met you.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back to him.

            “I’m sorry.”

            “Don’t be. I like thinking about you.” He nestled his chin on her head.

            “You’re too much, Harrington," she said affectionately.

            “I know," he agreed, no longer afraid to be a handful.

*

            Autumn and Steve agreed to catch up on sleep over the next two days and that they’d see each other on Friday.

            Thursday rolled around and Autumn tasked Jess with helping her pick an outfit that she referred to as “something to impress stuffy assholes.”

            Jessica rustled through Autumn’s closet. “They’re gonna love you,” she said, sarcastically, holding up two dresses with necklines designed for getting tips, not stock advice.

            Autumn snatched them out of her hand and tossed them on the bed. “Well shit, I can’t afford anything new.” Autumn chewed at her thumbnail and looked at her wardrobe, furrowing her brow.

            Jessica smiled. “You really like this one, don’t you?”

            Autumn was caught off guard. “I guess I do,” she said, bashfully.

            “He’s completely bananas for you. Did you know he called the other night to ask me when your birthday is?”

            Autumn tried not to smile any wider than she already was. “Really? That’s so pathetic.” And she’d never been more excited to be overwhelmed.

            They heard the door open.

            “Now is that Billy or Steve?” Jessica poked her head out into the hall.

            “It’s Billy.” They heard from the living room. “What are you two up to?” He came into the bedroom.

            “Picking out an outfit for Autumn’s big date tomorrow.”

            Billy frowned. “You’re actually going on a date with him? Like you didn’t come to your senses?”

            Autumn sneered, “yes I am. He’s sweet and he’s good looking and he smells nice.”

            “No one is saying he isn’t good looking, but he is a total moron and I think you need to aim higher.”

            “Noted, Billy.” She tore another dress out of the closet. “Wait, did you just say he’s good looking?” She let a devilish grin curl at her mouth.

            “No.”

            “Oh, Hargrove, back off. I got to this one first.”

            He glared at her. “You broads are too much.” He huffed off to the living room.

            Jessica and Autumn looked to each other and giggled like idiots.

*

            Steve was nervous, despite the inevitable dinner looming over their heads, he still wanted to make their first date as nice as possible. He’d ditched out of work an hour early so he could get ready. He did his hair, put on a collared shirt, and rushed out the door.

            Jessica answered the door while Autumn finished getting ready.

            “Those for me?” She nodded to the roses in Steve’s hand.

            “Hey, Jess.”

            “Come sit, Autumn’s still getting ready.”

            “I’ll be right out!” Autumn called from the bedroom.

            Steve took a seat at the kitchen table and Jess passed him a beer. He was going to need it. 

            Autumn gave herself the once over in the mirror. Her neckline was a little less conservative than she’d hoped, but it wasn’t egregious, especially if she put on a necklace to fancy up the outfit. She pulled on a pair of pantyhose and fluffed her hair. She didn’t meet a lot of boy’s parents and she definitely hadn’t met any super rich ones. Hopefully she looked as close to the part as she could. She’d bought a cheap bottle of wine to bring to dinner, hoping whatever she couldn’t accomplish with the dress she could accomplish with charm. She grabbed it from her nightstand, took a deep breath, and headed to the kitchen.

            She looked beautiful and Steve choked on his drink upon seeing her. “Wow.” He stood and handed her the overtly romantic bouquet. “I’m sure you’re sick of flowers.”

            She blushed, taking them. “Nope.” She moved to the kitchen, setting the wine on the counter, and popping the roses in same beer stein the tulips had once resided. Steve watched after her, staring at her like she was magic.

            “You look so pretty.”

            “Do I look fancy enough for your parent’s house?” She lifted the hem of her dress and gave a little curtsey.

            “You look good enough to eat.” He came over to her and gave her a kiss.

            She giggled and handed him the wine. “I bought this. Do they drink red?”

            “They drink anything. You didn’t have to do this.”

            “I wanted to.” She smoothed the collar of his shirt. “You clean up real nice, Steve.”

            “Oh yeah?” He held her waist and swayed with her, kissing her neck.

            Jessica groaned from the table. “Oh my God. Can you two get out of here before I puke?”  

            They’d both forgot she was there, they laughed and headed for the door.

            “You kids have fun, now,” Jess called after them.

 

            They pulled up in front of his parent’s house, unaware they were competing for Most Anxious. He grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. “I’m sorry this is our first date.”

            She slipped her hand from his grip and brushed his cheek. “How bad can it be?”

            He snorted. “You’re about to find out.”

            He slipped out of car and came around to open her door. She swooned herself into oblivion and took his hand.

            His dad was waiting at the door by the time they made it up the walk, having heard them pull up.

            “Hi, dad.”

            “Who’s this?” Bradley snooted, giving Autumn a judgemental once over. 

            “This is my date, Autumn.” Bradley let his eyes wander to Autumn’s chest and then back up to her face. He didn’t smile, but he had succeeded in making her want to crawl out of her skin.

            “Hi,” she managed. “I brought you guys this.” She handed him the bottle of wine.

            Bradley accepted. “Well, aren’t you sweet?” He’d said it like it was an inconvenience that she’d been so thoughtful. Any girl his fuck-up son brought home was certainly going to be an easy target and she’d only made it harder.

            Steve was in hell. He slid a hand around her waist, keeping her close, and led her inside.

            His father disappeared to the living room, leaving the two of them in the foyer with a moment to come up with a game plan.

            Steve turned to her, cupping her face. “As soon as you want to leave we’ll sneak out, okay?” He brushed his thumb on her cheek.

            “Steve, it’s going to be fine," she reassured him. 

            “Just remember that you said that.” He kissed her forehead. “Let’s go find my mom.”

            Autumn took in the house she’d dreamed about stepping into so many times. It felt a lot colder than she’d imagined. It was extravagant, but it was artificial, so were the smiles on the family photos hung on the walls; nearly every photo was a professional portrait. Unlike the ones that hung in her parent’s house, which were candid with sincerely beaming faces. She slipped her hand in Steve’s, wishing she could give him an ounce of what she’d had.


	13. I Would Love Nothing More

           The pair wandered into the large kitchen; Autumn wondered at it, it had high ceilings and an island, whereas her parent’s kitchen could barely manage two people without them being practically on top of one another.

            Steve’s mother stood at the counter, mashing potatoes as they walked in. She turned to them upon hearing them enter. “Steven, take the roast to the table.” She handed him the platter that had been sitting on the stovetop.

            “Good to see you, too, mom. This is my date, Autumn.” With that he shuffled off to the dining room.

            She extended her hand to Autumn, smiling. “Elizabeth.”

            “Nice to meet you.” Autumn’s mom hugged. She hugged everyone, whether it was their first or one hundredth meeting. Autumn wondered if it was just that Elizabeth was proper with strangers and hoped she hugged Steve warmly and often.

            Autumn noticed Elizabeth’s eyes roam over her outfit and she nervously hitched up the neckline on her dress when she looked away. “Thank you for having me for dinner.”

            “Of course. Think nothing of it.” She turned her attention back to the potatoes.

            Steve returned, leaning against the island and pulling Autumn’s back to him. He slid an arm around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder, leaving a kiss on her cheek.

            “Your father told me you left early today, Steve,” Elizabeth's tone wasn’t forgiving.

            “Yeah, I had to get ready for dinner.”

            “You shouldn’t be leaving work early,” she scolded.

            “I also should be on my date and not standing in this kitchen.” Steve could never help himself. He was always starting at a place past tired of his parent’s shit.

            Autumn had never felt so awkward in her entire life, she could feel the tension as Elizabeth paused her whipping to stare her son down who was still leaning on Autumn’s shoulder. Autumn felt like the enemy and wished Steve hadn’t said it.

            Elizabeth didn’t say a word as she resumed mashing, but her pace quickened.

            “Can I help with anything?” Autumn offered.

            “Oh thank you, Autumn. Would you please take the asparagus to the table?” Elizabeth’s tone was night and day.

            “Sure thing.” Autumn smiled and wiggled out of Steve’s grip. He watched after her, wanting to take her far away from here.

            Autumn disappeared around the corner and Elizabeth rounded on Steve. “I guess you didn’t feel like dropping the attitude?”

            “I don’t have an attitude. I’m here, aren’t I?”

            “It’s real nice of your date to have dressed up.”

            “She looks lovely,” Steve asserted.

            “She looks cheap.”

            Steve stared daggers into his mother. “I guess I’ll have to spend a bunch of dad’s money on her then. Get her up to standard.” His words were thick with disdain.

            Elizabeth nearly threw the masher at him. “Jesus Christ, Steven,” she spat.

            He took the bowl of potatoes from the counter. “Allow me.”

            Everyone settled around the table and dished up in silence. Steve poured Autumn a glass of wine, hoping it would numb the experience.

            “So, Abby, what do you do?” Bradley asked, condescendingly.

            “Autumn,” Steve corrected, sharply.

            Autumn wasn’t afraid of these people, but that didn’t stop their looks from cutting deep, she could tell what they thought of her and her stock wasn’t above to improve. “I work at Victor’s Video and I also bartend at Charlie’s.” She bit the top off of an asparagus spear and smiled, almost challenging them to say something cruel.

            Their silence was deafening. Steve grabbed her hand under the table, hoping that it would stop her from bolting.

            “Well, that sounds like fun,” Elizabeth offered.

            Bradley took an indulgent gulp of wine. Autumn wondered if he could taste how cheap it was, further lowering his opinion of her. He shovelled a forkful of food into his mouth and asked, “Didn’t want to go to college?” Autumn detested him.

            “Couldn’t afford it.” She finished half of her glass in one sip.

            Steve interjected, “Autumn was actually one of the top students in our class.”

            “Should have tutored you. Maybe then you would have done something with your life." Autumn hoped Bradley would choke on his words.

            Steve huffed, “Mom, you were right. Dinner is absolutely great.”

            Bradley slammed his hand down on the table, causing Autumn to jump. “Goddammit, Steven, don’t start.”

            Autumn squeezed Steve’s hand tight, hoping he could feel her trying to tell him he was so good and she wasn’t going to go anywhere, unless she was taking him with.

            “Does anyone want more potatoes?” Elizabeth held up the bowl, Autumn accepted to be polite. She could tell this woman had become a master at attempting to smooth over awkward dinners. Autumn wondered how many events she’d pretended to smile through for the sake of her husband.

            Autumn said nothing the rest of dinner, she made sure to consistently be taking a bite or a sip to avoid being part of the conversation. She watched the Harringtons bicker, snipe, and pick at each other over a roast that was too dry, a son that was too lazy, and a father who was too impossible to please. These people didn’t like each other. She regretted thinking things were easy for Steve. She would never trade her version of nothing for his version of nothing.

            She tried to make things as easy as possible and helped clear the table, smiling, nodding, and pretending she didn’t want to scream at them.

            “Dessert will be about half hour,” Elizabeth said.

            “Come on, Autumn, I’ll show you the rest of the house.” Steve took her hand and led her upstairs.

            He whisked her into his old bedroom. “Here’s my room.” He shut the door behind them, happy to have a barrier between them and his parents.

            “Wow, this is douchey.” She pointed to the pin-up bikini photo on the wall, laughing. “I never would have fucked you in high school.”

            “I know, believe me, if you would have given me any indication otherwise I would have tried.” He came up behind her as her eyes roamed over the basketball trophies on his dresser. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her head, swaying gently. She hoped that in spite of everything he was proud of these.

            Looking at them, Steve couldn’t care less about who he’d been. With Autumn leaning back against him, he only cared about who he’d become and he hoped that would be enough to convince this girl to stay. “I’m sorry that our date is the worst. I really wanted to impress you.”

            She snuggled back against him, even closer, running one of her hands along his arm. Her touch felt electric. “You have.”

            He kissed the top of her head. “How?”

            “By being nothing like your parents. You’re a really good guy, Steve. You could have been so shitty and entitled, but you’re not. You’re sweet. You’re sweet and I like you.” He needed to hear it. This girl was an angel.

            “I like you, too. A lot, actually, in case you couldn’t tell.” He nuzzled into her hair.

            “I could. You’re pretty bad at playing it cool," she giggled.

            He spun her to face him, keeping his hands on her waist. “That may be, but who was it that took care of me on my birthday?” He dug his fingers into her sides, playfully, making her squirm.

            “Shut your idiot mouth.”

            “You liked me.”

            “I really didn’t.”

            “You thought I was so good looking,” he teased.

            “No.”

            “You wanted to kiss me.” He pulled her close, tucking her hair behind her ear.

            “I did not.”

            He left a soft kiss on her lips. “You don’t have to pretend anymore, stupid. You’re not getting rid of me.”

            This was the boy. Steve was the exception.

            He kissed her deeply, cradling her face in one hand and balling the back of her dress in the other, like she might run away if he didn’t hold tight. She stood on her tiptoes to be closer, wrapping both of her arms around his neck, showing him she wasn't going anywhere. He steered her to the bed, pulling her on top of him. They continued to kiss and cuddle and giggle like teenagers.

            “Steven!” Elizabeth called from the bottom of the stairs.

            “What, ma?” Autumn continued to kiss his neck. He whispered to her, “stop it.” She moved to his ear and he shivered.

            “Dessert!”

            “Be right down!” He pushed Autumn off of him and rolled over top of her. “Thanks, now I have a huge boner.”

            “You’re welcome.” She grinned.

            He stared at her, looking at her like she was the question he hoped he had all the answers to. “Autumn?”

            “Yes, Steve?”

            “I’m gonna be your boyfriend, okay?”

            “Did you just tell me that you’re my boyfriend?” Her heart skipped a beat.

            “Yeah.” He was calm, he’d never been so sure of himself.

            “Good.” She gave him a tiny peck. “Now let’s go eat dessert and get the hell out of this house so I can get you home and into my bed.”

            “I would love nothing more.” That wasn’t true. He got up and offered her his hand, pulling her to her feet. She stopped to boop his nose before heading to the door.

            And that was it.

            He realized that the thing he absolutely loved most was her. Steve was completely, devastatingly, head-over-heels in love with Autumn Owens and there wasn’t a goddamn thing he could do to save himself now.

            The pair hurried down the stairs, stopping at the landing. “Where’s your bathroom?” Autumn asked.

            “Just past the kitchen. Here, I’ll show you.” He guided her. “I’ll meet you in the dining room when you’re done.”

            “Okay.” She grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close to leave a hopeful kiss on his lips before shutting the door.

            He was going to absolutely die. He wandered down the hallway, dreamily running his fingers along the wall. His face fell to see his father step into the hall.

            “Steven. I wanted to speak with you about your date.”

            “Oh, well, she’s great-“ he gushed, running a hand through his hair.

            “Steve.”

            “What?”

            His dad’s face twisted into a knowing smile. “Girls like that are fun, I get it. She’s sexy and exciting, right? But that’s it.”

            “Excuse me?” Steve looked back towards the bathroom, praying she couldn’t hear this.

            “It’s time to grow up and that includes dating a girl with a future.”

            “Dad-“

            “I know you seem to care very little about our reputation in this town, Steven, but so help me, you’re going to start acting like an adult. Next time you come to family dinner you’re going to bring a girl of substance or none at all. Do I make myself clear?”

            Steve said nothing because he didn’t want to punch his dad in the mouth on his first date. His dad slapped him on the shoulder and left Steve to seethe in silence.

            Autumn heard the whole thing and she was sure Bradley wanted it that way. From a young age, Autumn had promised herself that people like that would never make her cry, but standing in the bathroom, overhearing the worst things someone so disgusting could think about her, was too much. She pressed her knuckles to her eyes and tried to stop the tears from coming, but she couldn’t.

            This was a mistake. Dating Steve was going to be a huge heartbreak and they’d never make it. They were too different.

            She heard a light rap on the door. “Autumn?”

            “Coming.” Her voice broke. Steve heard it and his stomach flipped, his father had hurt her and he had no idea how to make it right.

            She took a moment to collect herself, wiping away the mascara pooling under her eyes. All she had to do was make it through dessert, then she could never come back here again.

            As she moved to the door she was struck with the wicked thought that Steve might feel the same way as his father. Maybe she was his fun little rebellion. Nothing more.

            She thought about the slew of terrible first dates she’d experienced and this was easily the worst. She knew how to handle idiotic boys, but she had no idea how to navigate pathetic, terrible fathers. She wanted to go home.

            Smoothing her dress, she opened the door.

            Steve could tell she’d been crying and his heart sank. He pulled her to him, rubbing a comforting hand down her back, and he kissed the top of her head. “We’re leaving.”

            She held on to the back of his shirt, relieved to hear it, and feeling hopeful. “You sure?”

            “Yeah, fuck my parents, let’s get you home.” He grabbed her hand and they scurried to the door.

            They hurried into the car and Steve backed up before his parents had a chance to notice they’d left. As he pulled onto the street, he reached for her hand, bringing it up to his lips and leaving a kiss on her palm. “I’m so sorry.” She felt the sincerity in his voice.

            She slid her hand from his grip and ran her fingers through his hair. “It’s okay.” It wasn’t, but it wasn’t Steve’s fault. She thought for a second. “Hey, do you still want dessert?”

 

            Steve pulled up in front of a humble bungalow, the lawn was neat, the paint was browning, and the screen door was worse for wear.

            He looked to it, excited to see it was nothing at all like the house where he’d grown up. Autumn wished it was nicer, but it was home. “Ready?” she asked.

            “Ready.”

            Before they made it up the walk, Autumn’s mom, Dawn, was swinging open the door. “Puddle, what a nice surprise!” Her mom threw her arms around her for a hug, it was warm, tight, and everything Autumn had grown up expecting from a parent. “Who’s this?”

            “Steve.” He offered his hand and Dawn pulled him in for a hug. He was overwhelmed and he let himself be held like he’d known her his whole life.

            “Come in.” She held the door for them. “Sorry that the place is such a mess, I got home late from work and I wasn’t expecting you.”

            “No, please. I’m sure it’s lovely,” Steve said as he followed Autumn inside.

            Autumn’s parent’s home was overflowing with overstuffed furniture, knick-knacks, and warmth. Coats were thrown over chairs. Coffee mugs sat on the table without coasters. It wasn’t filthy by any means, but it was lived in. A cat looped around Autumn’s ankles. He was an old black cat, who’s coat had become speckled with greys as he aged, and she loved him dearly. She picked him up as her mother brushed past her. “I’m going to go get your father.”

            “Shadow, how have you gotten fatter?” She squeezed the cat tight, rubbing her face on its belly, a risky move for cat owners, but Shadow was a big, docile, sweetheart, and he let her do what she will. She poured the cat into Steve’s arms. “Meet my cat.”


	14. I Adore You

            Steve had never had a pet, so he held the cat gingerly, afraid to offend it. Shadow purred and rubbed against him, so he must have been doing something right.

            “He likes you.” Autumn’s heart melted. Shadow was her litmus test, if Steve hadn’t taken the cat, the strike on his record couldn’t be undone. “He doesn’t really like dudes. Except my dad. And Billy.” They stepped into the middle of the living room, the TV droning in the corner. “Take a seat.”

            Steve sat down in an armchair and the cat settled onto his lap. He wondered why the cat would be so familiar with Billy and why on earth he would like him. He pet it, hoping to be the favourite. Shadow responded by kneading his paws into Steve’s leg.  
  
            While Shadow made his home on Steve’s thighs, purring away like they were old friends, Steve took the time to marvel at the Owens’ living room. It wasn’t big, but it felt like home. Every surface was adorned with trinkets and treasures, which he assumed all held familial significance. The Owens seemed unabashedly sentimental. He noticed a small framed photo on top of the television of Autumn as a child, pointing to her toothless smile and he wished his family found wonder in the little things, like losing your first tooth. He wanted to sit here forever, watching the girl who was nervously folding the blanket that had been crumpled on the couch. It bothered him that she was likely doing it for his benefit. He was afraid she was taking the coffee mugs sitting on the table away because she felt embarrassed by the disarray. It hurt to watch her think he’d care at all.

            No amount of coasters and matching plates could hold a candle to her. She was belly laughs, hungry sex, and understanding eyes. She was the girl that nibbled at his lip while holding a hand over his heart. The girl that whimpered if he rolled over in his sleep and wouldn’t stop until he was holding her again. He loved her.

            Autumn disappeared around the corner into the tiny kitchen, setting the mugs in the sink. Her mother, in turn had gone out the backdoor to find Autumn’s father. Autumn moved to the kitchen window, which overlooked the backyard, and watched her mom and dad come up the walk, laughing together.

            Her dad greeted her in the kitchen. “Hi, Sweetie. Don’t you look nice?” he said, throwing his arms around her. “Your mother says there’s a boy here?”

            “Yes. Please don’t embarrass me,” she grumbled against his shirt, knowing her father all too well.

            “Perish the thought,” he replied, a chuckle in his voice.

            Autumn followed her dad into the living room. Steve moved to get up and her dad motioned for him to sit. “Oh, don’t disturb the cat.” He offered Steve his hand, he was a gentle man, but his grip was firm. “Larry.”

            “Steve.”

            “Good to meet you, Steve.” Larry settled onto the couch and threw his feet up on the coffee table. “So, what are your intentions with my daughter?”

            The blood drained from Steve’s face. “I, uh-“

            “Dad!” Autumn was standing next to the couch and she swatted her father on the shoulder. “Steve, ignore him, he can’t help himself.”

            Larry laughed, he just wanted to make them both sweat. He looked to the coffee table and frowned. “Puddle, have you seen my coffee mug?”

            Dawn poked her head around the corner. “Do you kids want something to eat?”

            “Do you have any dessert shit?” Autumn asked. She turned her attention to her father. “It’s in the sink.”

            “I’m sure I do.” Dawn pulled her head back into the kitchen.  
  
            “What’s it doing in there?” Larry asked, offended it wasn’t where he’d left it.

            Steve couldn’t help but smile watching these three talk over each other without malice. They didn’t put on a show for company, they were themselves, and they liked each other. He wanted them to like him.  
  
            “Oh, I have pie! Come, get up to the table,” Dawn called from the kitchen.

            Steve stared at the cat, afraid to disturb it. Autumn watched him weigh his options and she was completely charmed. She came over to him and yanked the cat off of his lap. “I need this boy now, Fatty.” She set Shadow on the floor and pulled Steve up. “You’re going to be covered in cat hair, sorry.”

            “I don’t mind.” He didn’t in the least.            

            Everyone sat around the table, Larry pleased to have his mug once again, as he sipped at a coffee. Dawn handed off plates of pie, and then took her seat. “So, Steve, how do you know Autumn?”

            “We graduated together, actually. But, I ran into her at work recently.”

            Dawn gave him a knowing look. “Harrington, yeah?”

            Steve hesitated, nervous. “Yes?”

            Dawn turned to Autumn. “So this is who Billy was bitching to me about yesterday.”

            “Why was Billy here?” Autumn said, mouth full.

            “Fixing the TV, looking for sympathy, wanting dinner. You know.”

*

            Autumn had officially met Billy about a year and a half earlier. They’d seen each other in passing at parties in high school, but had never spoke. However, they partied in the same circles after Autumn moved back home from her misguided stint in Indianapolis following graduation.

            It wasn’t until one night at a house party when Billy watched a guy slip something in her drink that he took it upon himself to make his introduction. He crossed the room and decked the guy in the face before she had a chance to take a sip. He hit the floor and Billy put his hand over her cup.

            “What in the fuck?” Autumn barked.

            “That guy just put something in your drink.”

            “Wow. Thanks.” She poured it on the asshole groaning on the ground and tossed her cup at him.

            “Don’t sweat it.” He looked her up and down. “Billy.”

            “Autumn.”

            “That’s a stupid name.”

            “At least I’m not allergic to buttons.” She motioned to his bare chest.

            He smiled. “I’ll get you another drink.” She followed him to the kitchen and jumped up on the counter, dangling her feet. Billy handed her a bottle of beer and clinked his against it. “Cheers.”

            “Cheers.” She took a swig. “Didn’t you go to Hawkins High?”     

            “Sure did. Keg King.”

            “Thought that title belonged to that douchebag, Steve Harrington.”

            “It did. Until I came along.”

            “You a douchebag, too, Billy?”

            “Probably.”

            Autumn and Billy spent the night recounting the parties they’d both been to, never really crossing paths because Billy was too busy vying for the crown, while Autumn was too busy getting high on the roof with her friends. Billy was the type of guy to make a game of Truth or Dare as painful as possible and Autumn wasn’t the type of girl to play. She didn’t need to be dared to kiss a boy, if she saw someone she liked, she’d pout her lips and sip her drink slowly until they got the hint.

            There was a party in Senior Year when this very situation converged with one of the handful of times she and Steve had spoken in high school. Autumn didn’t mean to bat her eyelashes in Steve’s direction, but he certainly wanted her to. He was unlucky in love after he and Nancy broke up and Tina was having a Countdown to Graduation Party in late May of 1985. The perfect place for him to put his foot in his mouth. He’d noticed Autumn all night long, ignoring boys and mixing terrible drinks for her friends, insisting they try them. She made the mistake of catching his eye and holding his gaze a beat too long and he thought maybe he’d try and end his dry spell with the cute girl that sat in front of him in History and wandered over to her.

            “Hey.”

            She frowned. “You lost, Harrington?”

            “No. Thought you might wanna make me a drink.”

            “You thought wrong.”

            He laughed, “Come on, make me something.” He ran his hand up her arm and she just about swung at him.

            “Rumour has it you can’t take a punch, Steve, so I suggest you get away from me.”

            “Wow, you’re not very nice, are you, Autumn?”

            “Mmmm, I see you remembered my name this time.”

            “How could I forget?” He smiled.

            She narrowed her eyes at him. “Go away.”

            He moved to say something when an empty beer can bounced off of his forehead and he whipped his head up to see Billy laughing from the other side of the kitchen. “Go fuck yourself, Hargrove.”

            Billy blew a kiss at Steve, flipped him the bird, and wandered off to the living room.

            Autumn took the opportunity to walk away, disappearing into the backyard to smoke with her friends.

            That was the very first time Billy got between Autumn and Steve.  
  
  
            After a couple of hours of reminiscing about all the horrors of high school, Autumn needed to get home.

            “Let me give you a ride,” Billy offered.

            “Sure.”  
  
            They pulled up in front of her parent’s place, where she was staying since she was broke after returning to Hawkins. This was a ready made excuse as to why he couldn’t come in, but it didn’t stop him from trying.  
  
            “I should probably make sure you get to your door," he purred.

            “I think I can handle it.”

            He ran a hand up her thigh. “Yeah, but just in case.”

            She picked up his hand and dropped it his lap. “I got it.”

            “Then I guess you better give me your number. That way I can call and make sure you got inside safely.”

            She rolled her eyes. “You are a douchebag, Billy.”

            “Probably,” he smiled.

            She relented, having not failed in noticing how good looking he was, and gave him her number before she got out of the car and called it a night.

            He never called because it didn’t take long for Billy to find another girl with time to waste. However, Autumn and Billy started seeing each other at parties. She kept him at an arm’s length, but they were fast friends. She didn’t take his shit and he would scare off creepy dudes she didn’t want to be bothered with.

            Before they knew it, they were spending too much time together, weaving their free time into a dysfunctional friendship.

            When Billy ended up bloodied on his father’s lawn, ashamed, afraid, and alone, he drove to a payphone and called Autumn. She came to him immediately and they sat in his Camaro as he cried against her. Autumn knew who he needed. He needed Autumn’s mom.         

            Dawn was a tough, but kind woman. She had adopted many strays over the years, whether it be cats or teenagers. She’d fed and sheltered countless of Autumn’s friends through hard times, especially if they couldn’t turn to their own parents. When Billy was kicked out, Autumn knew immediately that this was where to take him. He’d lived at Dawn and Larry’s for a few months while he got on his feet, met with understanding, sympathy, and acceptance. He considered them his family and this was why he couldn’t have Steve take them away. Billy was too insecure and broken to believe he could be loved independently.  
  
            Dawn wanted the best for Billy, but that absolutely didn’t include her daughter. Dawn made that clear to Billy very early. If Billy ever put his hands on Autumn in anger, they’d never have found his body. With this understanding, Billy finally had a home away from his father and he had made his step-sister, Max, promise to call him if Neil ever tried to put his hands on her. Luckily, she’d never had to call, but he would have brought her to the Owens’ if the time ever came.  
  
            Billy and Autumn’s lives were complicatedly tangled together. She was his everything. He was her biggest problem. He couldn’t help but ruin everything. She couldn’t help but let him. She was too soft to let him struggle through life alone. He was too desperate to let her be. Every time Autumn would have enough of his shit, he’d pout to Dawn until he got the sympathy he craved. On their worst days, Autumn still didn’t want to take her parent’s away from him. Her parents had enough love to give him a reason to be less angry.

  
*  
  
            Steve hadn’t had any idea just how intertwined Autumn and Billy’s lives were and he felt extremely jealous hearing that Billy was close enough with Autumn’s parents that he could eat here whenever he pleased. Every fear, every inadequacy, every sick feeling washed over him. His thoughts turned to Nancy and Jonathan and how he’d given his heart to someone that already had someone else in mind. He gripped his fork tighter, worried about being the disposable boy once more.  
  
            Autumn noticed his dithering and tried to cheer him up with a game of footsies. He gave her a tight-lipped smile, his mouth still full of pie.

            “What the hell did he say about Steve?” Autumn’s tone was nothing, if not unimpressed. Steve didn’t want to know what Billy had to say and wished she hadn’t asked.  
  
            Dawn wasn’t about to let one of the first conversations with this boy nervously bouncing his leg under the table be about Billy’s scathing review of him. “Nothing nice. So I assumed you two must be getting serious?”  
  
            Autumn shuddered, the last time she’d gotten “serious” with anyone, it ended in disaster and Billy’s dick in his mouth. But she didn’t like the last one nearly as much as she already liked Steve. “Well, we are, like-“  
  
            “I’m her boyfriend.” Steve felt better to say it. Much to her surprise, Autumn did, too.  
  
            “Yeah, he’s my boyfriend.”  
  
            “Isn’t that nice?” Dawn said, sincerely. She knew her daughter wasn’t always easy to get to know, so Steve must be a good boy.  
  
            “It is,” Steve beamed.

            “No, it’s gross.” Autumn crinkled her nose, endearing herself to him further.  
  
            “Oh, Puddle, be nice to your boyfriend,” Dawn said.  
  
            “Never,” she teased.  
  
            Steve let himself fall completely.

            They finished up their dessert, shared some laughs, and enjoyed their goodbye hugs with Autumn’s parents. Autumn wanted to finally enjoy the rest of her first date with Steve parent free and dragged him out of the house before her mother insisted they stay any longer. Steve wouldn’t have minded, but he wanted to have this girl to himself.

            “Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad!” Autumn called from the walk as her mother continued to ask them from the door to stay for another cup of coffee.

            “Really nice to meet you!” Steve added, Autumn pulling on his hand and yanking him towards the car.  
  
            They got into Steve’s car, feeling worlds different leaving the Owens’ than they felt leaving the Harrington’s.  
  
            He grinned at her. “So, Puddle, huh?”  
  
            “Yes,” she said it like he’d better drop it, but she knew better than to expect that from Steve.  
  
            “Why?” he asked in a sing-song tone.  
  
            She sighed. “Because I was a huge crybaby when I was a kid and the nickname stuck.”

            “That’s just about the cutest goddamn thing I’ve ever heard.” He squished her cheeks together with both of his hands and kissed her forehead.  
  
            She batted him away. “Idiot.”  
  
            “You’ve always been a sensitive little faker, haven’t you?”  
  
            She glared at him, desperately missing her smoke and mirrors. “Maybe.”  
  
            He wondered at her, delighted to know that she was all soft belly.

            When he didn’t stop staring or smiling, she barked, “What?!”

            He gave her a tiny kiss. “I adore you.”


	15. I'm Really Lucky

            The two of them pulled up at Autumn’s with the intention of watching a movie. Steve watched her wiggle across the lawn and he couldn’t help but run after her, throwing his arms around her from behind and playfully tackling her to the lawn. She let out a yelp as he toppled on top of her.

            There was no time to be angry at his rambunctious excitement, because as she looked up into his eyes as he pinned her down on the lawn, she realized he’d literally swept her off her feet.

            He saw the look again, the look that told him he was wonderful to her. “You’re so clumsy.” He kissed her nose.

            “You’re a nightmare,” she teased.

            “Mmmm, so are you.” He pressed a speckling of hungry kisses to her throat, rolling her on top of him, letting the cool grass tickle the back of his neck. “Don’t wake me up.”

            She brushed his hair from his forehead and smiled down at him. If someone told her three years ago that she’d find herself rolling around on her lawn with Steve Harrington, she would have laughed in their face. If someone told her that he’d be her boyfriend, she would have socked them.

            She left a kiss on his lips and hopped up, offering him her hand. He accepted and she pulled him up off of the lawn. He scooped her up and tossed her over his shoulder. “Come on, rascal, the sooner we watch a movie, the sooner I can see you naked.” He left a loving tap on her ass and carried her to the door.

            Autumn was completely smitten and she lovingly smacked at his cute ass as he walked, drumming a little beat. “Mush, Harrington, mush!”

   
            “What do you want to watch?” Autumn asked, looking at a couple of tapes sitting on top of her TV.

            “I don’t care.” Steve stood behind her, pressing himself against her, and kissing her neck. “I just want to fuck you,” he whispered.

            She wasted no time giving in and she spun to face him. “Then fuck me.”

            His smile had wolf written all over it. He tore her dress over her head, ripped her tights and panties off and sat her on the couch. Kneeling in front of her and forcing her knees apart, he buried his face between her legs. His tongue parted her lips and he used the tip to lightly tease her clit. He thought to himself that if he died right then, at least he would die doing what he loved most, in the place he loved the most. He would worship here all night if he could, savouring her puddled heat.

            She curled her fingers into his hair and held on as he tasted every inch of her eager pussy. He slipped his tongue inside and she dug her fingernails deeper into his scalp. There were so few things that got Steve hotter than when his lover acknowledged what a good job he was doing. His tongue slowly made its way back to her clit, while his fingers found their way inside. Her body responded to his touch and he felt her get wetter each time he curled his fingers into her g-spot.

            He lifted his head, face glistening, and licked his lips. "You're so sweet."

            He stood, unbuckling his belt, ready to find his place back inside of her. Autumn responded by sliding off the couch onto her knees and unzipping his pants, pulling them to his ankles. His cock twitched in anticipation. He’d dreamt about her beautiful, pillowy mouth wrapped around his dick since the night they’d met. She slowly dragged her tongue up the length of his shaft, feeling him shiver as his hands drifted into her hair. Steve was big, but Autumn wasn’t afraid to try, as she relaxed her throat and took as much of him in her mouth as possible.

            “Holy shit,” he whispered. Her lips felt even better than he’d imagined. His stomach tightened, it felt like thunder the way she coursed through his body.

            She slowly and gently raked her nails up the inside of his thighs and let her right hand close around the base of his cock. She slid her hand up and down his shaft in rhythm with her mouth, letting her salvia make a mess of him. She could hear him panting as he thoughtlessly gripped her hair tighter. She could taste the pre-cum on the back of her tongue and let herself be excited that Steve was trickling down her throat. His dick did great work and she loved the taste of him.

            “I need to fuck you.” He pulled her up off of her knees and tossed her down on the couch, wasting no time sliding inside. He placed her legs on his shoulders and lost himself deep.

            “Jesus fucking Christ,” her voice escaped an octave higher than she anticipated. She clawed at his chest, feeling the sweat beading among his chest hair. He’d been so smooth in high school, she’d seen him shirtless in gym and this was so much sexier. He’d grown increasingly more handsome every year that had passed since she remembered having to see him in the hallway every day. She noticed his five o’ clock shadow as one of her hands gripped at his throat. This scruffy, hungry, lover, sliding himself into her over and over, was very suddenly everything to her. She didn’t want anyone else inside of her. She wanted him to ruin her. Then she wanted him to resurrect her.

            Steve grabbed the hand she’d been curling into his throat and held it above her head, he grabbed her other arm and did the same. He took his time, letting his eyes travel from her beautiful face, to her heaving chest, down her twitching stomach, and finally he watched himself fill her. He couldn’t be prouder of himself. He remembered seeing her every day, pretending he didn’t exist. And now, her once spiteful expression had been replaced with one of adoration and desperation. He knew she needed him to fuck her and he hoped she needed him to love her. He would gladly do both for as long as she’d let him. And he’d continue to love her longer than that.

            They grew faster and more aggressive, resulting in a tangled fall off of the couch. The two laughed as Steve sat on his knees and pushed her over the coffee table, lowering her onto his cock from behind. She gripped at the edges of the table, while he used his knees to help himself fuck her relentlessly. He twirled a hand in her hair and pulled her from the table, her back touching his chest. She eased herself up and down his thick cock and nestled her cheek against his face, moaning and purring his name.

            “You should cum for your boyfriend,” he managed between staggered breaths. He was close, but he needed her to finish first. He let go of her hair, licked his fingers, and snaked his hand down her body, until he was teasing her clit with the rhythm of his thrusts.

            She reached behind her and laced her fingers in his hair, needing to grip something as her legs began to tremble. She could feel the white heat escalating in her stomach. Her orgasm was clawing at her insides, begging to unleash itself through every nerve ending in her body.

            Steve needed to stop himself so he focused on biting down on her shoulder, a little harder than they’d both expected, but it worked. There was a crescendo of sensations and Autumn screamed as her orgasm peaked. She’d never cum so hard in her entire life as Steve continued to slowly massage tight circles around her clit. He couldn’t stop himself from finishing as she twitched against him, finally collapsing over the coffee table, trying to catch her breath.

            He slid out from between her legs and laid on the floor, staring at the ceiling, trying to imagine a more perfect evening. “I wonder if we’ll ever finish a movie?” he contemplated.

            “I hope not,” she giggled, moving to lay on him. She gave him a kiss as the phone started to ring, interrupting their moment.

            She hopped up and hurried to the kitchen. He lifted his head off the floor to watch her scamper around naked.

            “Hello?”

            “Come to the Quarry, we’re all going.” It was Brandon.

            “I’m with Steve.”

            “Bring him, too.”

            She looked to the very handsome, very naked boy perched on his elbows, watching her from her living room floor. He cocked his head, as if to ask who she was talking to.

            The want to show him off, the excitement of bringing a boyfriend to a party, had her giddy. She was still riding the high of bringing him home to her family and she wanted her friends to like him as much as her parents did. She knew they had accepted him as the interloper trying to win her over, but now that he had, she wanted them to like him as one of their own.

            “Sure, we’ll see you in a bit,” she said.

            Autumn hung up the phone, hurried back to the living room, and started pulling on her clothes.

            “Why are you getting dressed?” Steve asked.

            “Party at the Quarry. Wanna go?”

            “Yeah, why not?” He got up and pulled on his jeans. “Hopefully it ends better than last time.”

            “Last time you did get me to go home with you.”

            “That’s true. Let’s aim for that again.”

            “You’d really have to fuck this up for that not to happen.”  
  
  
            The pair pulled up to the party, both floating and ready to let loose as a couple for the first time. As much as Autumn was excited to reintroduce him to everyone as her boyfriend, he was twice as thrilled to tell everyone she was his girlfriend.

            “Let’s boogie.” Autumn scurried out of the car and hurried around to his door to wait for him. He hopped out and slung his arm around her shoulder.

            Brandon noticed them first and he smiled to himself. He hadn’t seen Autumn smile that big in the entire time he’d known her. They didn’t notice anyone else as Steve steered her through the crowd, making her laugh, neither of them tearing their eyes away from one another. She stopped to give him a kiss and Brandon hoped he deserved it. “Aughts, over here!” he called over the din, perched on the hood of his car.

            She whipped her head around and waved, pulling Steve with her.

            “Hey! You remember Steve,” she gushed.

            “How could I forget?” Brandon said, kindly, and pulled his smokes out of the front pocket of his jacket, offering one to Steve, who accepted. “Jess told me you guys were on a date tonight.”

            “The first one.” Steve kissed the top of Autumn’s head.

            “That’s cute. Must have went well if you let her drag you here to come hang out with us.”

            Autumn interrupted, “Where’s Jess?”

            Brandon pointed near the water. “Talking to Les and Billy.”

            “I’m gonna go get them.” She gave Steve a tiny kiss and backed up. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

            Steve stared after her, stars in his eyes and his heart in his throat. He turned his attention back to Brandon, wanting to finish their conversation. “Our date got better, I had to take her to meet my parents first.”

            “Why in the fuck would you do that on a first date? Sucker for punishment?”

            “Couldn’t get out of it. She still liked me afterwards, so I’m really lucky.”

            “You really are.” Brandon let his tone become serious. “Treat her right, Steve.”

            Steve nodded, perfectly aware of the ass kicking that would await him if he broke Autumn’s heart, but that wasn’t why he nodded. He wouldn’t hurt her ever again if he could help it. “I intend to.”

            “Good.”

            Steve tossed his cigarette and stamped it out. “Heard you and Jess are hooking up?”

            Brandon chuckled, “Jess is a handful. I’m her passing amusement when Billy is busy pining after your girlfriend.”

            Steve’s shoulders immediately tensed and his jaw locked. He wanted to ask Brandon what Billy and Autumn’s relationship was, because he wasn’t ready to ask Autumn. Brandon noticed him wrestling with himself and decided he’d throw him a bone.

            “Autumn wants nothing to do with Billy,” he said it like it was on his mind, not Steve’s.

            “Oh yeah.” Steve pretended not to care, but desperately wanted to know more, Brandon could tell.

            Brandon was one of the nicest dudes anyone could ever hope to meet, but he didn’t really want to be shouldered with the responsibility of Autumn’s boyfriend’s ego tonight. He needed this conversation to swing around quick. “She really likes you, so don’t sweat.”

            Steve smirked, relaxing a little.

            Autumn came crashing against him, throwing her arms around his waist. She took him by surprise and he laughed, throwing an arm around her. “Aren’t you just the clingiest little thing?”

            “No, shut up.” She pushed him off, embarrassed that she’d been too much too quickly and that her friends would think less of her for liking him so much. “This is my friend, Leslie.”

            Leslie was a couple years older than Autumn and worked with her and Jessica. She had a platinum blonde bob, kept her lips painted 'fuck you' red, and she was intimidatingly tall. She stood nearly a foot taller than Autumn, making her roughly Steve’s height, give or take an inch. Being short made Autumn much scrappier; she always had to make up for looking ‘cute’, and she made up for it with attitude. Autumn loved working with Leslie because no one would fuck with Leslie and if they tried to fuck with Autumn, Leslie would simply loom over them while Autumn snapped. They had a good dynamic and it made them a great party duo.

            “Leslie, this is my boyfriend, Steve.”

            Leslie extended her hand, Steve accepted. Her grip was firm. Autumn was her precious little feral cat and this tall goofball better be good enough. “You’re the boy I’ve heard so much about.” Her smile was much more forgiving than her grip.

            “I sure hope so.” He rested both of his hands on Autumn’s shoulders, giving her a little squeeze.

            “I didn’t say I heard nice things,” Leslie laughed.

            “I’m sure they weren’t. This one liked to pretend she hated me.”

            “I did,” Autumn protested.

            “Yeah, you did a really good job.” He rested his chin on her head and slid his hands from her shoulders to her waist, tickling her. She elbowed him and he grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. He cradled her grumpy face and kissed her forehead, earning a smile. She rested her head against his chest and they kept their arms around each other.

            Leslie wasn’t worried about this one. When Autumn had complained about him, Leslie knew she’d protested a little too much. When Autumn gushed about him, Leslie knew he was something special, for even at her sappiest, she’d never seen Autumn light up talking about someone the way she did when she said Steve’s name. Autumn held the ‘e’s in 'Steve' like it was a song only she knew the words to. He loved hearing it. She loved saying it.

            Seeing Steve wrap his arms around her like she needed all the attention in the world made Leslie feel better about Autumn giving away her silly little heart. She did need all the attention in the world and this boy wanted her to have it.

            Jessica and Billy came up to the group, beers in hand. Jessica was glad to see Autumn and Steve’s date had ended well. Billy was distraught.

            Billy watched Autumn hang onto Steve like her life depended on it and he had never wanted to destroy him more. Then Steve kissed the top of her head, causing her to look up at him. She kissed him and Billy’s heart sank. He’d been spared the show at the bar the other night, while he watched the door, and this was the first time he’d seen it. It was the first time he watched Steve look at her afterwards, biting into his bottom lip, trying to stifle his smile from getting too big. Steve was infatuated with her. He’d engulf her. He’d take her away.

            Autumn wriggled out of Steve’s arms and turned to Jess. “Hey!”

            “Hey, I’m glad you made it!” Jessica leaned back against Brandon’s legs and he rubbed her arm, happy to be her company for the night.

            Billy took a step closer to Autumn, trying to plan his next move. He threw his arm around her, as he’d done hundreds of times before. “You want a drink?”

            “I do,” she said, matter-of-factly.

            “I got beer in the car.”

            Steve was only two steps away, but he felt like they were a million miles apart. He didn’t know how to navigate Billy and he didn’t want to be the kind of boyfriend to put ultimatums on his girlfriend’s friendships. He just wanted any idea how to tolerate Billy and for him to keep his fucking hands off of Autumn.

            “That’s great, take Steve with you and make nice.” She shrugged him off and reached a hand out for Steve, who happily accepted and left a kiss on the back of her hand.

            Billy had to be clever if he was going to push a wedge between them. And he was going to.

            “Sure thing, come on, Harrington.”

            Brandon jumped off the hood. “I’m gonna go find some grass.” He headed in the opposite direction of Billy and Steve.

            The pair walked to Billy’s car, which, as fate would have it, was parked near Steve’s. Neither car was far enough away that they couldn’t see the girls from their vantage point.  
  
            Billy handed Steve a beer, Steve was surprised by the lack of animosity, but he was in too good of a mood to be suspicious. “Thanks, man.”  
  
            He should have been weary, for Billy didn’t intend to use his fists to hurt Steve tonight. No, he wanted this to stick.

            “Cheers.” Billy clinked his bottle against Steve’s and took a long thoughtful sip. “You’re a bigger man than me, Harrington.”  
             
             “What do you mean?”

            “Well, I saw red when I heard about you two hooking up, but it doesn’t seem like you batted an eye after Autumn and I made out on Sunday.” He didn’t wait for Steve’s reaction; he simply smirked and walked off to enjoy the show from the hood of Brandon’s car.

            Steve watched after him, furious and crushed. He didn’t want to believe it, but Autumn had gone to a party before he ended up at her place that night. Billy had been at the video store that afternoon. Billy had been at her fucking parent’s house as recently as yesterday. Billy’s hands were always on her. Steve felt like he’d been stupid to assume his mouth wasn’t as well.

            Of all the things that Steve couldn’t do, face his feelings first, run later, was at the top of the list. He would let himself destroy everything before dealing with it head on. This was why Steve had to wash spray paint off of The Hawk’s marquee, it was why Nancy got a ride home from Tina’s from Jonathan, it was why he was too late with flowers to win her back, and that was just high school. It was also why he’d left Autumn’s Sunday night, maybe that’s when Billy showed up? Maybe it was after they’d slept together? Steve’s head was swimming and he felt sick. How could she? He could see Autumn happily chatting with Jessica and Leslie. His breathing sped up as he watched her laughing and twirling like a beautiful, smug, little demon.

            Billy watched him twist, he knew Steve was going to spiral and he didn’t even have to lift a finger, but he thought he’d speed things along. He hopped off the hood of the car and walked up to the girls, letting a hand rest at the small of Autumn’s back while he smiled and told her a joke.

            Steve gritted his teeth, watching Autumn throw her head back, rolling about whatever Billy had just said to her. He felt like they were laughing at him, at least, he knew Billy was. Then Steve did what he absolutely shouldn’t: he tossed his bottle aside, got in his car, and left.


	16. I Really Wanted This

            Autumn glanced around for her boyfriend, wondering where he’d gotten off to. She turned to Jessica, “Hey, have you seen Steve?”

            “No, I haven’t.” She gave a peek over her shoulder.

            Autumn looked to Billy. “Where’s Steve?”

            Billy smiled when Autumn turned to look around, collected himself, and grabbed her wrist. “He took off.”

            “He wouldn’t have left.”

            “I saw him get in his car and leave.” He rubbed the top of her wrist with his thumb.  
  
            “Why the hell would he have left without me?”

            “I dunno, he’s an asshole.”

            Autumn tugged her wrist from Billy’s grip and went to do a loop of the party. Steve was sociable; he’d probably found a friend.

            Her heart fell when she couldn’t find his car. She was worried about him, because she was sure there was no way Steve would have just left her. While she continued to search, in case he’d happened to move his car, Brandon came up to her. She looked a little frantic and he wanted to help.

            “Hey, Autumn, you ok?”

            “Have you seen Steve?”

            “I saw him leave like fifteen minutes ago.” Brandon had assumed she knew. This was bad.

            The last thing she wanted to do was cry, but she felt heaviness in her heart and a lump in her throat. She was confused and if he’d left without her then something must have happened to him. Brandon watched her struggle to keep her expression even. Worse was watching her fail and noticing a tear stream down her cheek.

            Brandon wrapped her in a hug, ready to step up to be the good friend. “Do you need a ride?” He felt her nod and he led her to his car.

            Jessica and Leslie had left to do a lap by the time Brandon got her to the car, but Billy was waiting, ready to play innocent. “Autumn, what’s wrong?”

            She shot him a look, wanting to avoid another _I told you so_ moment.

            “So, Harrington ditched you after all. What a prick.” He moved to hug her. She didn’t comply, but he wrapped his arms around her stiff body anyway.

            “Did you say something to him?” Brandon asked, leaning on the roof of his car, perfectly aware of the despicable one-sided game of tug-o-war Billy was playing.

            “Other than small talk, no.”

            Neither Autumn nor Brandon believed him, but Autumn didn’t want to stay to play detective, she wanted to leave right now. She wriggled free from Billy’s hug and moved for the door. Billy opened it for her. She said nothing to him, grabbing the door and swinging it closed. Brandon backed out, calling out the window to Billy, “Tell the girls I’ll be back in a bit!”  
             
  
  
  
            “Hey, Aughts, he’s just a dude. Don’t cry.” Brandon didn’t say it to be insensitive; he only hoped to give her some perspective. He squeezed her knee with a kind, brotherly grip for comfort.  
  
            “Will you drop me at his place?”  
  
            “No. You don’t need to chase after his attention. He’s an asshole and if he wants to talk to you, he can come find you.”

            “What if it was an emergency?”  
  
            “It wasn’t. I told you that I saw him leave, he was fine.” Brandon was absolutely furious. Steve had smiled in Autumn’s hopeful face all night long like he adored her. He’d tricked Brandon, he’d tricked Leslie, and worst of all, he’d tricked Autumn.  
  
            Her sliver of hope faded and sorrow took its place. “Oh.”  
  
  
            Steve sat at his kitchen table, picking at the label of his beer, and trying to get a handle on his regret.

            He knew by the time he pulled out that he was making a huge mistake. Running away was a signature move he was sure he’d shed, but as his feet carried him to his car, he’d realized that old habits die hard. The entire drive back to his place, he’d urged himself to turn around, but his fury won that round and he’d made it all the way home. As he unlocked his apartment, he’d told himself that he’d really fucked up and Autumn wouldn’t forgive him this time.

            He should go back and ask her what happened. He should let her scream at him in front of her friends while he apologized. He should go punch Billy in the face.  
  
            He looked to the clock above his head, the one Autumn had inadvertently smashed the glass of when he broke her heart the first time, it was three o’ clock. He’d left almost an hour ago. He should call and see if she was home.

            He imagined her realizing he was gone and he hated himself. He promised he would treat her right and abandoning her without a word was the complete opposite of that. He wouldn’t be winning her back, but he needed to know if she’d got home.

            Crossing his apartment to the phone, he was struck with the fear that Billy might answer her phone. He was furious all over again. Regardless of his deplorable way of handling things, Autumn and Billy still made out. She still ripped out his heart. He held onto this shred of justification and dialled her number.

           

            Autumn was balled up on the couch, loathing herself for letting Steve in. Everyone must have thought she was such a pathetic little fool, falling all over him, introducing him as her boyfriend, and looking at him like he hung the moon. He’d broken her heart and he’d embarrassed her; he’d made her reveal her delicate center in front of everyone and she couldn’t erase that. They knew. They knew she was hopeful about this one. They saw her kiss him and they saw her cry. She couldn’t get her façade back without the cracks he’d etched into it.

            Her phone rang and she already knew it was Steve. She dragged herself off of the couch, lifted the receiver, and set it back down. She didn’t care what he had to say.

 

            Steve dialled again.

            Autumn ripped the phone off of the cradle and answered, “Lose this number, Steven.”

            _Ouch_. “Autumn, I’m coming over to talk,” his anger was eclipsed by his heartache.

            “We’re done. Do not come here.”

            “I’ll see you soon.” He disconnected.

            Autumn couldn’t believe him, he never stayed when she needed him to and he was always there when she wanted him gone.

           

            Steve ran the entire way, his lungs as raw as his nerves. He made it to her door to find it locked for the first time. He banged his fist against it. “Autumn, open the door.”

            “Go fuck yourself!” he heard her call from inside.

            “Just let me in!” He tried the handle in vain. “Please!” She didn’t respond so he kept pounding. “I’ll stay out here all night if I have to!”

            “Sleep tight, asshole!” her words dripped with vitriol.

            “Goddammit, open the fucking door!” he growled, throwing his shoulder against it.

            She swung it open after hearing the thump, before he tried to break it down, and ruined her shot at getting her damage deposit back. He stumbled inside, worried he’d been too aggressive. He softened instantly upon seeing her, despite the bitterness and sorrow all over her face.

            “Thanks.” He reached for her, she backed up and stormed to the kitchen. He followed along behind, dreading the inevitable. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

            “No, you can’t, because I don’t care.”

            “Yes, you do.” He reached for her once again, this time taking one of her hands. She pushed him back, hard.

            “Don’t.”

            “I’m sorry, I’ll stay right here.” He leaned against the kitchen counter, keeping his distance.

            She stared at him. She was completely broken and fighting every urge to lean against his chest, to forgive him, to kiss him. He had spent the last eight days finding new ways to hurt her. If she could, she’d go back and stay hating him, it was easier than falling for him in the middle. “We’re done, Steve.”

            “I know.” He knew it from the second he pressed his foot to the gas pedal. “But I don’t want to be.”

            “Why the hell would you leave me there?”

            “Because I’m really stupid.”

            “I thought something must have happened to you!”

            He didn’t think he could feel worse. Not only did he abandon her, he’d made her worry about him.

            “No, I was just being incredibly stupid.”

            She was sure it was because she’d been too much. She’d managed to overwhelm Steve with her affection and that was an incredible feat. She felt sick imagining how she must have looked. She must have looked like a pathetic little school girl with a crush. She felt naked and disgusted. “What did I do?”

            He was dreading asking the question, because he didn’t want to know if it was true, and he knew if it was he should have stayed and just talked to her about it. “Did you make out with Billy on Sunday?”

            All of her sadness was replaced with fury and all of her self-doubt was replaced with hatred, for both Billy and Steve. She knew Billy had said something, but she didn’t think Steve was that childish. “That’s what this is about? Is this high school?”

            “It was when he kicked the fucking shit out of me. It was the last time my girlfriend picked someone else she was closer to than me.”  
  
            Autumn remembered seeing Steve that November in 1984, she saw what the loose cannon from California had done to him. His handsome face: swollen, bruised, and scabbed. This was days after Nancy had left him for Jonathan. This was the week Steve slipped into near obscurity. Over the coming weeks his bruises had faded, but his insecurity grew. Nobody really noticed Steve’s fading star, but Autumn had. At the time, she was happy to see this smug, selfish, jerk get humbled. Seeing him standing in her kitchen, she wished she would have let him cheat off of her midterm. Maybe then he would have made something out of himself.

            And he wouldn’t be standing here, breaking her fucking heart.

            She wanted to lay it all out, so there were no more misconceptions. “Billy kissed me. Billy pushed me up against his car and he stuck his tongue in my mouth-“

            Steve huffed, absolutely livid. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

            “-And then I left to come to you! I told him I didn’t want to kiss him and I ran home so I could see you. Then you fucked me and you left. You left then, just like you left tonight!” The angry tears started, but she persisted. “That’s all you ever fucking do, so why don’t you leave right now?”

            He glared at her, still needing to speak his piece about Billy. “You realize that Billy doesn’t want to be your friend, yeah? He wants to sleep with you. He’s always fucking touching you. You guys work together, he knows your family, and he wants me out of your life.”

            “Guess he got what he wanted, because I also want you out of my life.”

            “You’re so fucking mean.”

            “Well, maybe next time you’ll bring home a girl of substance.”

            “There we go!” He threw his hands up. “I can’t control my shitty parents, Autumn. You know I don’t feel that way about you.”

            “What I do know is that you’d rather think the worst of me than talk to me.”

            “I fucked up, ok? I didn’t want to hurt you and I know that apologizing means shit right now, but I feel like I can’t compete with Billy.”  
  
            “I’m not a competition. I’m a girl and I wanted to be with you. I didn’t pick you over Billy. I was perfectly happy by myself until you showed up to rent fucking movies and you smiled in my goddamn face. I wanted you, Steve. I picked you because I fucking wanted you. There wasn’t anybody else.”

            He loved her so much and all he wanted to do was pull her to him. He needed to wrap his arms around her and convince her not to send him away. He took a step closer, she took a step back.

           “Can you ever stop being defensive for a minute? I know what I did was shitty, but can you ever let anyone apologize without making it into a goddamn production?”

            Steve saw a look on her face he liked much, much less than wonder. It was the way she’d looked at him the last time he’d said something nearly unforgiveable. Her expression was too calm and it made him shiver.

            “Tonight’s your lucky night, Steve. It’s the absolute last time you have to bend over backwards to try and win my forgiveness. My feelings are no longer your problem.”

            “Wait-“

            “I know it must be hard not to abandon your girlfriend and that I’ve asked too much of you not to do that.”

            “Autumn, don’t be unfair.”

            “You have broken my heart consistently and I’m the idiot that keeps letting you.” Her fury was unrelenting. She’d given him too much of herself for him to throw her insecurities in her face. She knew she was defensive as the day was long, but this was why. Every man before him had run away when she was honest about her feelings and she’d been much less open with them. She’d felt safe showing herself to Steve and hearing that asking for forgiveness when he was the one that had left, just like all the others, was a ‘production’, shattered her.

            “But I don’t need a scared little boy, Steve. I wanted a man that wasn’t going to be like all the others and it isn’t you. Now get the fuck out of my house and out of my life.” She threw the roses he’d gotten her at him. “And take your bullshit flowers with you!”  
  
            “Autumn, I just like you so fucking much and I handled it so poorly. I should have talked to you-“  
  
            “You should have, but you didn’t.” She stared him down and he felt his blood run cold. “You’re the reason they all left you.”

            It was the hardest thing he’d ever had to hear. He looked like he’d been slapped and his heart tore itself to ribbons. He picked the roses up off of the floor. “Yeah, guess you’re right.” He swallowed hard, begging himself to keep it together.  
             
           He moved for the door. “Autumn, I really wanted this. I really wanted you and I’m sorry I hurt you so much. But you’ve really kicked the shit out of my heart.” He couldn’t stop a tear from betraying him. “Maybe do me a favour. Maybe when you’re done hating me you can remember how much I made you laugh. But, um, I won’t bother you again. I promise.”

            He left, taking her heart with him.


	17. You're Goddamn Right You Will

  
            Steve stood outside of her front door, holding his battered roses, trying to steady what was left of his pitiful heart. He could hear Autumn weeping from inside, like a siren song beckoning him to come make her whole again. He’d hurt her so bad. He’d taken her delicate little heart and destroyed it.

            She’d done the same.

            He leaned back and let himself cry, not ready to walk away from her, like he’d done only hours ago. He knew this was the one time he should leave, but he couldn’t. If he did, she was gone forever. The instinct that always told him to run melted away. Taking its place was fear, but with the bravery to do it anyway. He was going to love her, no matter how much it hurt. And he was going to fix his mess. Steve was going to show her why she should love him back. He wasn’t a scared little boy. He was the man not like the others.

            He tossed the roses and went back inside.  
  
            She was laying on the living room floor, crying her little heart out when she heard the front door open. The only feeling her body could muster was relief. He came back.

            She wanted to hate him so bad, but she couldn’t. As painful as being left was, sending him away was hell. She was terrified that she was falling in love with him. A realization only made worse when he’d walked out the door, when she told him to get out of her life. That isn’t what she wanted.

            All Autumn wanted was for Steve to stay.

            He hated seeing her like this. This is never how she should feel because of him. He hurried to her and scooped her up, wiping at her tears. “I’m sorry.” He continued to cry. “I’m so sorry.”

            She reached for his face and he kissed her fingertips. He leaned in and kissed her softly, tasting the salt that had gathered on her mouth. He hoped it wouldn’t be the last time he felt her lips against his own.

            “Don’t make me leave,” he begged, cupping her face.

            These two broken, scared, and tender people didn’t know how to let each other in without fucking it up. They had no idea what to do with their own hearts, let alone each other’s and they were terrified.

            They found their way to their knees, still holding each other’s faces, still wiping each other’s tears.  
  
            “Autumn, all I want is to be with you.” He pulled her to his chest, kissing her hair, holding her tight. His heart was pounding. He couldn’t lose her.

            She whimpered against him, furious and shaking. She gripped at his shirt, afraid to let go. “I’m sorry,” she cried. “Please stay.”

            “I promise I’ll never leave you again.”

                       Steve and Autumn fell asleep on the couch, exhausted and afraid. They were squeezed together, facing one another, on the narrow sofa. Steve had Autumn possessively wrapped in his arms, her face buried against his chest, her legs tangled with his.

            They had spent the last hour holding each other in silence, neither able to find the words to express how sorry they were or how much they regretted every time they’d hurt each other. Above all things, neither was ready to admit they were in love. Especially now. The words would have to come another time. Touch was enough.

            Jessica came home, Brandon in tow.

            “Oh, Jesus,” Jessica whispered.  
  
            Brandon sighed, “These two aren’t good for each other.”

            Jessica draped a blanket over them. “Actually, they are. They’re just stupid.” She left a kiss on Autumn’s cheek.  
  
            Steve stirred, but didn’t let on he was awake.  
  
            “I think she’s in love with him,” Brandon said, worry underscoring his tone.  
  
            “I’m sure of it, but I don’t know if she knows it yet.”

            “He better not pull this shit again.”

            Steve swore to himself he wouldn’t fuck this up. Her heart was precious cargo and he’d prove to her he was worthy of it.  

            Brandon and Jessica retired to her room, leaving Steve alone with his thoughts. He kissed the top of Autumn’s head, grateful to still have her. “Hey,” he whispered, nuzzling his nose against her forehead.

            “Hmm?” She slowly opened her eyes, soothed to see he was still there.

            “Let’s get you to bed.” He scooped her up and she settled against him, gripping his collar tight, still apprehensive that he might disappear.

            He set her down on the bed and tucked her in. She peeked up at him. “Steve?”

            “Yeah?”

            “I’m sorry.”

            He leaned down and kissed her nose. “Me too.” He took a step back.

            She grabbed his hand. “Where are you going?”

            “To get you a glass of water.”

            “You’re not leaving, are you?” The way she asked stabbed him in the chest. Her trust was gone and he had no one to blame but himself.

            He kneeled down beside the bed, petting her hair with his free hand. “No, I promise.”

            This time she didn’t let go of him. “I don’t need a glass of water.”

            He smiled weakly, feeling like such a shit. “How about I come to bed, then?”

            She nodded lightly, shutting her eyes.

            He got undressed and crawled in beside her. She rolled over, finding her place tucked against his side, her head on his chest, her leg draped over his, and her fingers curling into hip. He squeezed her upper arm, hoping somehow that had communicated to her how much he wanted to be there.

            Part of her was worried if she went to sleep that he’d be gone by morning. Part of him was worried that she felt that way.

            Unfortunately, she was too tired to keep a protective eye on her lover and sleep took her immediately. He felt her sink deeper against him. “I’ll never hurt you again.” He knew she didn’t hear it, but he hoped he could tell her and she’d believe him soon enough.

            Steve didn’t sleep at all; instead he lay awake, letting his fingers lightly pet Autumn’s lovely skin. He trickled his fingers down the bridge of her nose, let them dance across her lips, gently sweep across her neck, and slowly travel down her arm. He repeated variations of this for hours, while she slept soundly against him. He adored that she slept like a ton of bricks and he made a note to draw a little moustache on her when they were in a better place. She might not find it very funny right now and he wasn’t about to find out. The thought that he had that to look forward to did comfort him and he finally shut his eyes.

           

            It was well past noon by the time Autumn stirred. Unfortunately, sleep didn’t erase last night from her mind. She rolled over to find Steve sleeping restlessly beside her. Now that the sun had toppled over the horizon and invaded her bedroom, making the room muggy and uncomfortable, she was unsure how she felt about him being there. Watching his face twitch while he slept, she felt her heart lurch. She’d never been sure of Steve, but she’d wanted to be so fucking badly. She was more confused than ever. Maybe he shouldn’t be her boyfriend. Maybe she wasn’t ready to love someone yet.

            She crept out of bed to make herself a coffee and found herself pouring two. Then she realized she didn’t know how he took his and she counted the days since they’d started this ill-fated romance. Ten. She’d twisted herself into knots over a boy she’d hated ten days ago. She was ridiculous.

            She settled on one cream, two sugars, which was the way she liked it. Steve didn’t strike her as a guy that drank black coffee, but who knew. She barely knew him at all.

            She padded back to her bedroom to find him awake, looking worried. While she’d been in the kitchen, Steve contemplated all the reasons she should send him away. He ran the gamut of excuses for his behaviour, but he didn’t have any, other than fear. Despite his willingness to hand himself over to an affectionate lover, he hadn’t shaken what past heartbreaks and one-night stands had done to his ability to stay. He knew the morning would cast nothing but doubt on their relationship and he hated that he’d been the underlying cause.

            An apprehensive smiled curled at the corner of his mouth and he sat up, back against the wall. She passed him a coffee. He took a sip, it was just how he liked it. “Thank you.”

            She sat crossed legged on the bed, staring into her cup. “You’re welcome.”

            “I’d ask you what’s wrong, but I already know,” defeat clung to his words.

            There were so many things she could say, but she couldn’t muster the courage to say them.

            “I’m sorry, Autumn,” he’d said her name the way that made her want to give him her heart in the first place.

            “Me too.”

            “You’re not going to send me away again, are you? Because if you are, please make it quick.”

            “Do you want to go?”

            “Fuck no. I meant it when I said I wanted to be with you.” He reached over and set his coffee on the nightstand. Then he shuffled closer to her, fiddling with the knee of her sweatpants. “Did you mean it when you asked me to stay?”

            “Yes...” a pause she’d never meant to linger hung over their heads.

            “Yes, but?” He braced himself.

            “Are things moving too fast?”

            “Does that matter?” Steve didn’t know the meaning of too fast. After nearly dying twice in high school he’d stopped giving a fuck about time. Which was probably why he hadn’t noticed the last three years click by without accomplishing anything. Well, almost. It was hard to stop giving a shit completely when everyone around him took their turns putting him in his place. Steve needed a win.

            No, he needed a lover.

            He needed Autumn.

            She pet his face and he nuzzled against her hand. “You don’t even know me, Steve.”

            “All the more reason for me to stay.” He grabbed her fingers and kissed them. “And everything I do know about you is another reason for me to be here.”

            He took the coffee cup from her other hand and placed it on the nightstand. Then he tugged her down to the mattress and spooned her. “I don’t think you want me to leave.”

            “I don’t,” she confessed, “but you’ll go. You’ll run away like they all did.”

            He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “I won’t. The only reason I left is because I want you too much.”

            She let a pathetic laugh escape. “That’s counterproductive.”

            “Well, I guess if we’re about to get to know each other better, you might as well know that I am a fucking champion at making bad decisions.”

            “Maybe I’m a bad decision.”

            He frowned at the back of her head, annoyed she’d think so little of herself. “Don’t be an idiot. You’re the only good decision I’ve made in years.”

            She rolled over to face him and he smiled, the fear fading from his eyes, adoration taking its place. Something inside of her begged her to be vulnerable with him. It was time to let him know that she was afraid.

            “I’m scared, Steve. I don’t let people in because they don’t like me when I love them,” her words sounded so small.

            It pained him to learn that anybody would have rejected the only thing he wanted. He was sure she could see his pining all over his face as he raised a hand to hers and lightly pet her lips with his thumb. “Anyone would be lucky to have you love them.”

            She left a gentle kiss on the pad of his thumb, feeling the safest she ever had being honest.

            “I know you pretend to be tough and shit, Owens, but I don’t think you know how sweet and lovely you are.”

            “When’s the last time someone told you that you were good, Steve?”

            The longer he thought, the sadder she was. “I don’t know.”

            “You’re good, Steve.” She left a gentle kiss on his lips. “You’re so good. You’re not the reason they all left you. You’re the reason I want you to stay.”

            He had no idea how badly he’d needed someone to tell him and he felt himself fall harder. The fall was so hard and so fast that he was sure she could hear him hitting ‘hopelessly fucked’ if she listened closely enough. But he couldn’t tell her. Not yet.

            The two spent the afternoon in her bed, facing each other and revealing themselves. It was hard, but above all, it was healing and hopeful. Autumn had been afraid every new tidbit would be the one to push him out the door, but the more he learned, the closer he pulled her. Steve was worried the closer he pulled her, the more likely she’d shove back, but eventually, as she settled her head on his chest, listening to his heart, which was beating much too fast, he felt safe.

            Autumn shared her misguided attempts at being loved. Steve recounted his heartbreaks. Steve explained begging his father to let him come back to work. Autumn revealed her shameful, broke return to Hawkins.

            “It sucks, but I’m glad you came back. You’re the only good thing about this town,” Steve reassured her.

            She thought for a moment. “You’re better than being stuck here, too.”

            “Maybe we should run away together?” He asked, playfully, but completely serious.

            “Yeah, if we pile our resources, maybe we could make it all the way downtown.”

            He laughed, dropping the subject.

            “I never meant to be with you, but if you’re the reason I ended up back here, I’m ok with that.” She really was. As messy and confusing as the last ten days had been, Steve was worth it.

            “I knew from that first night that I wasn’t going to be able to stay away from you.”

            “I was so mean.”

            “No, you were so scared that someone might like you.”

            “I liked you, too.”

            “I know you did, why do you think I couldn’t stay away?”

            She looked up at him. “Sucker for punishment?”

            “I’m a sucker for you.” He smiled. “Please don’t break my heart.”

            “Not if I can help it.” She put her hand on his chest and he placed his hand over hers.

            Steve let out a contented sigh and looked to the clock on her nightstand. “Wow, I can’t believe it’s already five.”

            She shot up. “Oh fuck, I have to work at Charlie’s tonight!”

            Autumn scrambled out of bed and rushed down the hallway, calling to Steve as she went, “Can you give me a ride?”

            “Sure, what time do you need to be there?”

            “Six!”

            He heard the shower running and decided he should join her.

 

            Steve pulled into Charlie’s lot, unhappy to see Billy’s Camaro in its usual haunt. Autumn didn’t fail to notice either.

            “Maybe it’s best that you head home,” she suggested.

            “I have a few things I need to say.” He moved to get out of the car and Autumn pulled him back to his seat.

            “I still have to work here, so you’re not coming in. You two can measure your dicks when I’m off, alright?”

            He frowned. He was frustrated, furious, and wanted to rip Hargrove’s head off. Which is why she was absolutely right.

            “You’d win anyway.” She winked.

            He leaned in and kissed her, letting his hands misbehave, and letting his tongue do the talking. She wanted to pull him into the backseat and start her night off right, but she was already late, so she pushed him off. “I gotta go.”

            He continued to kiss her neck, pausing to say, “I’ll miss you.”

            “I’ll see you tonight, Steve.”

            “You’re goddam right, you will.”


End file.
